I am trying so very hard to not be stressed out about the overload of shit I have to do before and after I leave. But again, here I am procrastinating while trying to study for finals.

I would like my faithful 4 followers to see the beauty that is my life at this very moment in time.
I. am. a. hot. mess.
Thank you.

home stretch.

Here it comes.
I'm 2 days away from 2 finals.
3 days away from packing.
4 days away from finishing the semester.
5 days away from leaving.

I have a knot in my stomach just writing this.
Breathe, remember, it was my decision.
No one forced me to put change in my life.
I am stronger than I think.

I will miss these girls.

Last Days of School.

It's always a sad time of year for me. I get really attached to the classes I'm in for some reason. It's like, I get comfortable with my schedule and the people around me and then all in a day it's over. We have to re-start fresh after the summer (or I guess winter break too) and get used to everything all over again. Some of the people we stay friends with, some of them we never see again. Some of the teachers we will never see again, and maybe some we will have again. But for the most part, as soon as we fill out those evaluations at the end of the semester, its kinda sad.

I am tired of writing about sad things all the time. I have had a really hard semester with family deaths, transferring schools, and all the other stuff, but I really am proud of the way I have handled myself. I have brought my grades up so far despite all the troubles, and I have not let myself get behind in any aspects of my life. I surprised myself, but I also showed myself what I am capable of. And I think that's the next step. To have the confidence I need to make this big transition next year, and just KNOW that I am capable of success.

I am taking more pictures tonight with the girls from my class on the swim team, so I will be sure to post them afterward. It's just so bittersweet, ya know? I want to go home for summer, but I'm not really digging thinking about not coming back. I sure hope everything works out for the best.

Side note: I packed some of my closet last night...wow. It's so empty and sad looking.
Here's the girls on the team that I'll be taking more pics with tonight. Hopefully they will look better than this junk, and hopefully everyone will be there. We were missing Erin Mertz in this picture.

lee.

I feel like writing but I dont really have anything to say.
I guess I could fill you in on the drama that has been going on with my friends, but I really dont feel like talking about it.
I dont really have anything to say, I just felt like letting my fingers roam free for a few minutes.

sad.

my best friend here in kansas and my roommate as well just got a facebook. she has spent the entire day uploading all her pictures from this year and last year and tagged me in all of them. as i was scrolling through them, i got really, really sad thinking about how amazing the girls i live with are. i am going to miss them so so much and its really sad thinking that the memories we have made will be no more.
i know i made the decision, so i have no right to be upset because its what i wanted. i know its something i have to do, but at the same time, i am really going to miss them. and i AM sad. i wish i could take them with me.
and not only them, but now i have people telling me how sad this is and wanting to get together one last time before i leave and i want that, i really do, but its extremely heart wrenching thinking that it will be the last time i see some of these people, maybe ever. i hope not, but you never know. i am going to do my best to visit and everything, but itll never be the same and i know that.
i just hope that this was the absolute right decision for me, and i will find a place where i am happy like i know i should be. i think this is going to be it, but i guess ill have to wait to find out. in the mean time, in my last 2 weeks here....i am very very sad.

second to last weekend.

Its the last weekend I have here in Kansas with all 3 of my roommates. I'm pretty sad about it. I know I made the decision, but its the same as when I quit diving. I know its the right thing to do but I cant help but feel sad. I love these girls and the very last weekend I will be here, the twins will be in Hawaii for the weekend for a family thing and Krista and I will be studying for finals. Its coming up so fast, so we decided to take some pictures around campus for our memories. It was a really good idea. I have a few of them now, but Krista's dad has all the rest. I haven't even posted these on facebook yet because I wanted to wait until I have them all so here is the first exclusive look! oooh, you guys are the first, for those of you who read. And I doubt that's hardly anyone. Here's just a couple.