In remembrance.

[All day today I have had to process and deal with some heartbreaking news that I received late last night. I usually have a specific way of channeling my emotions, mostly in the form of tears or isolation, but today was unusual. It was like I didn't know how to feel. I walked around all day with an empty feeling in my heart, not knowing what to do with it or where to put it. Until about 5 minutes ago when I sat down on my bed, alone, for the first time all day and it hit me: I'm supposed to be writing it.]

A dear friend and teammate of mine passed away yesterday, unexpectedly. The news of her passing was the second time in my life I have experienced the death of a friend, 100% out of the blue, and so long before their time on earth was up. It's the hardest thing in the world to comprehend. I find myself sitting and staring blankly at the wall running through memories and not really accepting the fact that they are no longer.

Maggie was probably the most fearless person I have ever met in my life, especially when it came to diving. I remember watching her get up on the board and throw dives I never even dreamed of doing. It didn't matter if she failed, or smacked, or got the wind knocked out of her, she would get back up and do it again a million times, while I would get up and do something HALF as interesting and be scared out of my wits. It was those times when she became the most supportive teammate I've ever known, as well. She had a way of talking to us like the courage in her heart was our own. She would count when we needed counting, call when we needed calling, and coach when we needed coaching.

I have fond memories of Maggie. At her very last high school dive meet, when I was in 8th grade, she got up to compete her last dive ever - did the perfect hurdle - and did the best cannon ball known to man. I've always remembered how awesome I thought that was, but I never had the guts to do it myself. She was special, in more ways than I can describe.

There is never a good time to experience a death, let alone at the first of the year, however you can't help or decide when these things happen. So for now, I write about my dear friend and remember her strength, admirable courage, and the many words of wisdom she provided. Tomorrow, I will write about something happy and move forward, because I know that's what she would do. If she smacked as hard as she could on a dive, she would move past it and carry on with the phrase in her mind, "pain is temporary." I need to remember to keep living for those whose lives have been cut short. I'll miss my friend and I won't soon forget her, but I will continue to live with her in my heart.