I got some news today that I have very mixed emotions about. Our house has been on the market for a whole year now, and today it finally went into contract with a buyer. There's obviously a million things that could cause this to fall through at any point, but for the most part it looks like it's going to work out just fine.
On the one hand I am super happy for my mom who's been living in that house by herself for a year now. It's time for her to get out and move to Vegas with my dad and not have to keep an entire house together all by herself with 3 animals that shit and barf everywhere, every morning, in the middle of the carpet, on schedule. It's just long overdue.
On the other hand, I'm deeply sad. I've had almost 2 years to prepare myself for this day. I've known it was coming for a while, and I've even already packed up my childhood neatly into 4 boxes so that when the move finally happened, I'd be *almost* ready. However, emotionally I'm not there, nor do I think I'll ever be. My family has only moved one time in my life and it was one of the hardest trials I've ever been tested with. I had to basically start my life over in the middle of growing up and although it taught me a lot and ended up being a good thing in the long run, it's taken me 10 years to admit that.
This time around, it's a completely different situation. I'm nearing the end of college and in December will have to figure out what to do and where to go. Without my family here, I have no real secure place to be in case plans don't work out in my favor. In a way, this makes me feel slightly homeless. The house in Vegas won't technically be mine, and I'll have pretty much nothing keeping me in Colorado unless I get a job here after graduation. It's a nasty pickle I'm falling into.
I'm very happy that my family is becoming more stable. My sister just moved from LA to Vegas, making this the first time in 10 years we have lived even remotely close to her, my mom's about to head out there, and it's a lot closer to California than Colorado which means the entire family will be closer together once more, which is a really great thing that I've always wished would happen again in my life. But Colorado has become my home so I can't help but feel sad that once again I'll have to probably leave everything I know behind and start anew.
I know I can do this, and I'll be a hell-of-a-lot more ready this time around, but it's still not an easy thing to do. It's hard to say goodbye to something you've loved so much for so long. It's hard to pack up your home and give it to someone else. It's hard to make a new house somewhere you can grow into, and even harder than that is starting a home of your own - without your parents. My childhood era is ending, and that's the hardest thing to come to terms with.
1 comment:
This is surprising news!
But trust me, I know exactly how you feel. I've been "homeless" since my Dad moved out of the house in the boonies.
It's a weird feeling, and one that I don't think anyone can get used to.
I still have this constant longing to "go home," but home doesn't exist the way it always has anymore. It is no longer made up of the home you've grown to love for so many years...instead going "home" is going to these weird, unfamiliar places where your parents live.
It's a part of growing up. Now YOU have to make somewhere feel like a home. It's hard, but it's possible (I think).
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