Sandy Hook.

I've been waking up everyday feeling so heartbroken for the last week. It has always deeply effected me when huge tragedies happen in our world. I remember when Columbine happened in 1999, I was just a kid having nightmares every night about my worst fear come true. My mind doesn't let these things go. I can't just learn about something that devastating and let it graze over and continue about my daily business. My empathy levels tend to be a little bit heightened compared to the average person and sometimes I'm not sure whether or not that's a good thing.

So back to my original point. I woke up today feeling so heartbroken for the world I live in. It makes me feel helpless and small and like I have no control. And in situations like this, I know I'm right. The only thing I can do is mourn the loss of the lives of 20 children and 6 adults and be upset that this is what it's come to in my country.

Or can I? I decided last night that I'm committing to the #26acts movement started by Ann Curry because if there is anything I could possibly do to pass on hope and spread kindness for a seemingly helpless world, I'm damn sure going to give it my all.

The thing that really bothers me the most is that these situations are no longer the outliers. They're no longer random acts of hatred or mental illness or whatever you want to justify the reason as. They aren't the random freak accidents that happen once every 10 years that you think "wow, I can't believe that just happened" and move on until the next freak accident happens many years later. I do not believe that this case was the outlier, because it's happening all the time. This year alone I can think of at least 5 mass shootings in the United States at malls and movie theaters and schools. And that's 5 too many.

So how can we simply write these incidents off as random tragedies and sit back and not make a change? I might be small and helpless or even naive if that's what you think of me, but I will not bow down to this and not even try like we're currently doing as a nation. We're letting these tragedies walk all over us as we refuse to make changes and address real issues. We let this happen when we say things like "now is not the time to talk about gun control" and "can we not turn this into a political debate?" When exactly is the right time to talk about this? Because lately as soon as we're finished mourning the loss of lives from one shooting rampage, another one happens and we're back to feeling helpless and asking why bad things happen to good people. They happen because we're allowing them to happen.

Instead of asking why and sweeping the politics under the rug, why don't we buck up as a nation and admit to ourselves that we have a problem. Why can't we put aside our beliefs and stop justifying certain things because "it's our right" and actually admit to ourselves that this is NOT OK. And I'm not even saying that this is simply a gun control issue because it's more than that. We don't do anything to help people with mental illness either. But with that being said, I also don't believe that everyone who goes on a shooting rampage has a mental illness. I think we need to look at the entire picture and ask what we can do in each area to take even a preventative measure because as of right now, we're not doing a damn thing to even attempt to prevent this kind of incident from happening. Not a damn thing, because when this happens we refuse to go there. We have to stop this attitude towards the conversation.

And if you honestly think that stricter gun control laws in this country would not reduce the number of gun-related homicides in the US, you are kidding yourself. And to those saying that gun control is not the answer and is not going to stop these events: No. I understand that we can't make it impossible for every homicidal maniac to get his/her hands on a gun, but we can sure as hell make it a lot harder. And completely shutting down the conversation because you like your guns and assume that any conversation is headed towards you losing your "rights" as an American is helping absolutely no one. At the very LEAST, every single person should be rallying behind better mental health evaluations for those looking to purchase a gun. But they're not, and it's appalling to me.

I'm so unbelievably heartbroken and sad over the shooting in Newtown, CT. I can't help but feel like we as a nation have failed these children with our justifications and our ability to ignore a serious problem. If now is not the time to address what's really wrong, then when is the time? When will you be willing to stop and listen? When will you be willing to stop clinging to your guns long enough to have an honest conversation about this? Your right is to bear arms to protect yourself, yes, but your right is not to own a semi-automatic machine gun that can fire 30 rounds per second or whatever the case may be. Your right is not to own a gun and walk into an elementary school and kill 20 children and 6 faculty members.

I can't even accurately articulate the hole I'm feeling in my heart, and I know I'm not the only one.  Praying is nice, and hugs are great, but it's time we step up and do more than that. We owe it to our nation and all the innocent lives that were so unjustly taken from the world. If the only physical thing I can do in this situation is 26 random acts of kindness, then I will show everyone I meet that there's still hope for this world. I will do my part to honor the children and teachers who were victims of this preventable act, but I will not stop fighting for them either. Ever.