Contemplating 20 Part 2.

This is the last day of my teenage years. The very last day I can ever call myself a teenager. I think 20 is more of an adult than 18. Tomorrow it starts. My 20's. The real world. More responsibility, less I'm able to get away with.

Am I sad? A little.
Am I looking forward to my 20's? Hell yeah.

It's bittersweet, ya know? It's literally the end of an era. But also the beginning of another, very different one. Most people my age are already 20 and it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it does feel different to me. Like when I turned 10 and I cried because I would never be "single digits" ever again. Will I cry tomorrow? Probably not, but I will definitely feel nostalgic.

Roaring 20's here I come!

Feelings of the day thus far:

My teens will officially end the day after tomorrow.

I am babysitting right now.

The computer I am on has a screen bigger than any TV in my house.

I really want to go stay somewhere out of town for the night for my birthday.

I hate anxiety for no reason.

I'm really glad these kids dad owns a restaurant because there is nothing like getting a free meal on him :)

I prolly shouldnt be on this computer.

Every time I stand up I get a headache.

I think I need anxiety mediation.

I need more people I actually KNOW on twitter.

"The Shins" are an amazing band.

WW.

I dont even want to talk about it.
I'll just say that its not working out for me at this time in my life.
I'm only young for so much longer and I dont want to sacrifice any more of my youth for this unhappiness.

Taking a break from this "weight loss" journey, because I dont need it bad enough for this.

Death Cab For Cutie

(From left to right: Alex, Chad, Me, Tyler, Jill
at Red Rocks Amphitheater in Colorado, the most beautiful venue in the world)

The concert was AMAZING.

Good friends, good music, beautiful arena...
could you ask for a more perfect setting for an incredible night?
(apart from me getting sick from asthma and the altitude and having to get a liter of fluids pumped into my body by the paramedics through an IV of course...)

Death Cab For Cutie is just as good live
as they are on their albums
and to me that is REAL talent.
They were awesome.

(Death Cab during "Title and Registration")

Things To Look Forward to in the near future:

1. Death Cab For Cutie concert on Tuesday
2. Water World on Thursday
3. Birthday on the 21st
4. Orientation on the 23rd
5. California on the 24th and all that comes with it
6. Apartment on August 1st
7. School starting on August 24th
8. Cousin's wedding in NY in September

Still Looking To Be Inspired :)

Feelings of the day.

1.
All I feel like doing is curling up in bed and watching Scrubs for the rest of the night.
Wake up early every morning.
Babysitting everyday.
Rain every afternoon.
Tired every night.

2.
I'm on the verge of really letting go.
It's almost too late.

3.
I need to get out of this house.
It's no longer a good environment.

4.
My positive attitude is wearing thin.
I'm getting anxious.
I'm getting sad.
I'm getting paranoid.
I'm getting annoyed.
I'm getting nervous.
But mostly anxious. Almost all the time.

5.
Haven't had a good night's sleep in a while.
Sleep for 8 hours means nothing if you don't sleep well.
Maybe a good night will do me good.

6.
I need California.

WW.

This Weight Watchers experience is annoying the hell out of me. As if it's not hard enough to not eat whatever I want, whenever I want, it really isn't paying off.

In the last 2 weeks I have lost a total of ZERO pounds, and gained a total of .8 pounds. It may not seem like a lot, but by this time last summer I had already lost 10 pounds and right now I have only lost 4.4 thanks to my gain this week.

I am completely frustrated. I am doing everything right and not much different from last summer but for some reason, my body is holding on to absolutely every ounce of fat it can.

It's really really discouraging and unmotivating when I am excersizing a hell of a lot of self control in order to lose this weight and it isn't doing anything. I am sacrificing things I like in order to lose weight, when I could be just eating freely and sitting on my ass all day, and its not paying off.

So what more do I do? All I want to do is give up and go eat an entire pizza by myself.