Partially Homeless.

"Oh very young, what will you leave us this time?
You're only dancing on the earth for a short while.
And though your dreams may toss and turn you now...
They will vanish away like your dad's best jeans - denim blue, faded up to the sky.
And though you want them to last forever you know they never will.
You know they never will.
And the patches make the goodbye harder still."
-Cat Stevens

*Sigh*
[Nothing is perfect, and nothing lasts forever.]

The big move finally happened. It's been really weird for me. I haven't talked about it with anyone because I've been trying to kind of not pay attention to it. I already grieved, had my goodbyes, and attempted to cope with it and I didn't really want to re-hash all those emotions again while I'm trying to focus on my internship. So oddly for me, I didn't really bring it up to anyone (yet here I am writing about it, I guess). The date came and went and I just kind of let it happen, and it happened fast. Within a matter of minutes I went from being alone in the apartment to over-crowded and kissing any personal space I had goodbye.

So here we are. We no longer have a house as of right now. We no longer reside in Colorado. It kind of feels like I'm watching this whole thing from a distance. I don't want to get too close to the situation so I can protect myself from falling into a hole. If you know me at all, you know that it's REALLY weird for me to not let my emotions get involved. But I just feel it's in my best interest to keep a distance for now.

The only thing really affecting me at this moment is the lack of sleep. Living in an apartment with 2 cats who sleep all day and want to play with my face all night plus a dog who we have to keep hidden inside all day long because she's not allowed to be there, PLUS my mom who wakes up earlier than I do (and I wake up at 7am every day for work!!) and you have one Chelsea who hasn't slept in days. It's made me very cranky. Like to the point where I've caught myself on numerous occasions going off on ten minute long tangents about something miniscule like someone parking like an asshole at Trader Joe's. All I want to do is kick my feet up on this desk and....

And on top of that, all three animals are so stressed out from the move and have decided that my futon bed is like, the greatest thing to ever happen to them and are using it as their personal napping and playing area. I feel like I have a permanent cat hair lodged in my nasal cavity causing me to excessively sneeze and break out in hives every night while I *attempt* to sleep. I wish I was exaggerating right now.

[side note: I do love my animals very much.]

We went out to a "celebratory" dinner the other night and toasted to "a new chapter." It's very fitting for my parents and sister, but for me - I kind of feel like I'm balancing on a tight rope between two chapters right now. On one side, I'm still in my college chapter, and on the other I'm getting ready to move onto the next. It's just an awkward place to be in. Part of me is ready and part of me is scared to death to leave everything else behind. But at this time, I don't feel like toasting. Or talking about it. Honestly all I want right now is a few minutes to myself with no animals or people in my face. Maybe one good night of sleep. I'm considering buying myself a hotel room for one night - is that a reasonable purchase?

This is the most substantial post I've been able to do in a while and I'm sad to end it but I must get back to work. Appreciate your homes and families, even if they drive you crazy sometimes. As hard as this move is, I appreciate the hell out of them for everything.

Love,
A partially homeless Chelsea