College.

It feels surreal to be sitting down to write this post (it's also my 400th - yay!). I guess I always knew it would come because I blog about every other important event in my life, but this one has been building up for the past 4&1/2 years and now I'm finally here today, finished with college and about to be a college graduate. The journey that I've been on these past 4 years has been unconventional, non-traditional, really hard at times, but incredibly fulfilling. When I sit here and look back to where I started compared to where I am now, some of it feels like another life entirely. But I might never appreciate another journey as much as I will this one.

Freshman Orientation.

I remember the day I signed my letter of intent to go to the University of Kansas (actually, it was in the middle of the night after some weird epiphany I had). It seemed like a no-brainer to me at the time. Get out and experience a different place, meet new people, get out of the bubble of Parker, Colorado, and take the opportunity I was given to dive in college. I loved the school, I had a fantastic recruiting trip, but right before I left I fell into a really deep depression. I was in a really, indescribably bad place. I was nursing one hell of a broken heart - and not the school girl crush kind, the real deal. I wasn't ready to leave my family, I wasn't even sure I liked diving anymore (in fact, I'm pretty sure I already hated it at this point), and I felt like I was throwing myself off a cliff into a situation I wasn't ready for. Needless to say I was freaking out. But I kept telling myself it was the right thing to do, and that I couldn't just stay in Colorado for the rest of my life waiting to be happy again. I needed to get my ass up and take a risk. So I did.





But I'll never forget these fateful words that were spoken to me by my friend Joan's mother at my high school graduation party - clearly she could see the fear in my eyes because she said to me, "This doesn't have to be permanent. If it doesn't work out or you don't like it there, you can always transfer schools." I never thought I would have the guts to do something like that, but for some reason I never forgot that piece of advice.

Krista, Brittany, and Alyssa. <3

Best team in the world. Puerto Rico.

When I first got to KU I tried really hard to bury how hopeless I was feeling, but burying it just meant sleeping every possible second I got. Long story short, I was paired with a cracked-out drug addict for a roommate who had scary withdrawals in the middle of the night and literally made my life a living hell, was REALLY out of shape and not even slightly prepared for college level athletics (read: embarrassingly throwing up the first practice), and my grades...let's just reiterate the point I made about sleeping every possible free second I had and let you do the math. Overall I was kind of a disaster. If it wasn't for Krista, Brittany, and Alyssa I definitely would not have even made it through the first semester. Those girls saved me. And with that being said, I had some really good support from the girls on the diving team as well. When I look back on it now, I think highly of that first year because it was filled with challenges and lessons about myself and how much I could emotionally handle, and it really showed me that it's possible to meet people who can get you through some insanely tough days. I owe those girls a lot.

After that first year I did some serious re-evaluating of where I was at with the help of Cory and my Aunt Glenna. It was an incredibly hard decision to make but I decided it was time to retire from my 12 year run with diving. That first year kicked. my. ass. in ways you can't even imagine and I was suffering in other parts of my life because of it. It was hard. It was so hard. I hadn't enjoyed it for a long time and I knew I absolutely could not emotionally handle another year of it. It was difficult to tell that to my teammates who I loved and cared about so much and my coach who was always so supportive towards me, but it was the right thing for me to do and I have never regretted it. I admire college athletes who stick with it for 4 years so much because I know first hand how ridiculously hard it is, both physically and emotionally.

So I filled my new found time the next year with a job - turns out there's some really mean and hurtful people out there. I had finally gotten myself to a place where I could see the clouds opening up, and I managed to meet some people who kicked my ass back down to the ground. Needless to say, it was the start of another rough patch that was followed by some intense family problems that started to make me feel helpless again.

First my dad lost his job and I knew right away that that meant we would eventually probably have to move again, and also that we could no longer afford the ridiculous out of state tuition cost of KU. Shortly after, my little brother was hospitalized for a week with a gastrointestinal bleed after passing out in our house. He was undergoing all these procedures and I couldn't be there beside him. Not too long after that, my grandfather had a stroke and passed away sending my family into an emotional place I'd never experienced before. Right after that my dad thankfully found a job, but then had to immediately move away to Las Vegas in the midst of all this, and shortly after that my great aunt died. It seemed like it was just one thing after another - this awful chain of events, and I had to deal with it all from Kansas where I couldn't be with my family. It felt like my family was falling apart and it was too much to handle and I kept forgetting to remember that I was supposed to be a student as well. I was supposed to be having this "college experience" and this was supposed to be the most exciting time of my life but those first 2 years were two of the hardest years I've had to date.

<3

And the advice I was given about transferring schools kept echoing in the back of my mind until I decided to apply to the University of Colorado (for the second time in my life). THAT was a process in itself, but once I was accepted I knew that it would be the best thing for me and my family to be closer to home. But do not get me wrong for one single second, I have missed my soulmates from KU every single day since I left.

When I started at CU of course things were hard at first - I mean, I had to reestablish myself in a new place half way through college. However, things started looking way up - save for my good friend Brianna suddenly passing away during the first week of school. Although that made it seem like the worst of this long chain of events was not over, the clouds finally did open up for me and I fell in love with Boulder. It's THE most beautiful place I've ever lived and has such beautiful minded people - it was the right fit for me. I started getting the best grades of my life, found the major I was passionate about studying, learned what it was like to be independent and live on my own, got to spend more time with my family, and really felt that happiness starting to come back into my life.

Boulder Flatirons.

Looking back on all of this now, it feels like my first year at KU was a completely different life. I'm finished with this crazy, thrilling, at times hard, but necessary chapter. All of my experiences, good and bad, have shaped the person I am today. I don't know where the future is going to take me, but I do know that I can handle anything it brings because I survived a crazy drug addict roommate spawn from the depths of hell, heartbreak, college athletics, multiple deaths in my family and friends, and a transfer of schools. I have managed to come out the other end a better person for it. Unlike when I first left for college, I'm ready for this next chapter. I'm ready to experience new things, get a job, meet new people. And I'm positive that it will be great.

Cheesy "senior picture" alert.

I don't want this post to seem downer, because it's really not. We all have our hardships throughout life, and the majority of mine up to this point just happened to be during my first couple years of college. But I would not change any of it for a second because I am who I am today because of these things. College has taught me more than just text books and essays and math problems that went in one ear and out the other. It taught me about how to deal with life when shit hits the fan. What it means to be a good friend, daughter, and sister. And to find and appreciate the good in everything.

I have a completely blank canvas ahead of me. I've been a student for 17 years, and now it's time to see what lies beyond the world of academics. It's scary and intimidating - and believe me, I am scared to death. But it's also exciting and thrilling. Right now I can go wherever I want, be whoever I want, and start painting a brand new picture with my life. How lucky am I?

As I was walking across campus today after my last final ever, I got really emotional.
I love this place, and I'm really gonna miss it. I'm so grateful to have had this experience.