<3

I guess the inspiration I was looking for came. I just wish it wasn't in the form of complete sadness. Maybe I should paint. I don't want to continually write about sad things in my blog, but what can ya do when your heart is filled with sadness over someone's death?

I turn to music. All I can listen to is Coldplay. At first every single song made me cry over and over again, but I couldn't stop. And I still can't. I'm no longer crying during every song, but every song is making me think extra hard. I feel like all the lyrics are describing my life right now. It's nice though, feeling like I can turn to it for some kind of support while I go through this.

Whenever someone I know dies, I feel somewhat like I want to die too, just so I can be with them. So that they won't be lonely. So that I won't be lonely. I fail to realize that there is so much life left to live. And I think a lot of us struggle with that. We don't live our lives to the fullest each day. Instead we put things off, or complain but never change. Sometimes we all just need a huge eye opener to make us realize how fragile this life is. Sometimes we just need that push to make us see that time's a wastin'. Unfortunately it sometimes comes in the form of losing a loved one to make us realize this.

I think our loved ones who pass would WANT us to keep living. And to learn from them. And to keep growing and enjoying what they could not. I think they are all around us. They know what we are doing, what we're thinking, and wishing they could scream at us to not waste another second. It's gonna take some time to move on, but I know that Brianna is watching me and hoping that I will live each day to it's fullest. She knows I cared about her so much. And now she cares that I continue on.

Boy... 3 deaths in 8 months is not an easy thing to wrap your head around. I don't know how much more of it my heart can take.