Hump Day Pep Talk: Round 2

[Sometimes you just need one.]

I've been having a pretty good week so far - I've been very productive and checking lots of things off my ever growing to-do list which feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. I've been sailing through my classes, staying ahead of my schedule, and even getting adequate amounts of sleep. But there's also been this underlying anxious feeling I've had for about a week now that's taking over everything else and making it hard to be proud of my accomplishments or happy with the good.

I woke up this morning with a headache and the aftermath of a nightmare and suddenly everything positive from the week is ruined. I can't get out of bed, I can't move fast enough to get out the door on time, and my anxiety starts building as my head races with all the things I have to do today that now I clearly won't get done because of this headache that's now officially a migraine. I sit down for 5 minutes to check my facebook and am instantly bombarded with things I don't want to see, have notifications from people I don't want to talk to, and consider deleting it again and shutting my phone off for a few days. Even though I know I won't.

After slamming my computer shut, probably breaking it more than it already is, I started thinking about what exactly has had me so anxious lately. And to be honest, most of these things are completely justified. I'm frantically searching for summer internships, enrolling for my last semester of college that's turning out to be a joke, I've been missing Brianna a lot more than usual lately - missing several people more than usual actually which has had me feeling a bit empty, I have 2 big tests with never ending study guides coming up, 3 major papers to write, and the dreaded thought of graduating in 8 months has me more sick about life right now than anything else.

Sometimes it's hard to enjoy the awesome things when all you can think about is the worry and the stress and the utter sadness you sometimes feel. It's hard to constantly remind yourself that this is supposed to be the best time of your life, and that it's going to be over before you know it. It's all hard, but I want so badly to just spend these last few months having fun and making memories with people I love. But instead I sometimes find myself living in this dream world where half of the things that have happened in my life didn't really happen, or imagining that I was different, or that time was just standing still for five god damn minutes. It doesn't do me any good to not accept the reality of where I am, it just makes it worse. I have to constantly remind myself:

I am stronger than I think.

And when I feel like I don't have the energy to deal with the world around me and I feel like shutting down and retreating into the all-to-easy state of sleeping and forgetting about everything and everyone around me, I have to remind myself:

I am stronger than this.

It's a crazy roller coaster of highs and lows leading up to such uncertainty. But I am strong. I know in my heart that I am going to be fine. Whatever happens. I'll be just fine. I'm fine. Really. And tomorrow will be better.