Inspire.

Do you ever just want to write but you have nothing to write about?
I feel that way.
I have this urge to let my creative side flow
and just write freely about something.
But what?
I have nothing inspiring to write about?
I want to be inspired.
I want something I can write about.
Some passion to come into my life and make me creative again.
I want something to take me and overcome me
and make me want to do something.
Make me want to write and sing again and be me.
I want the real me to be here at all times.
I want to be inspired by something so real and beautiful
that I am a changed person.
I want to feel that love for something again.
Something only I understand
but try to share with those I love as best I can.
I want an opportunity to arise that makes me a better person,
that makes me belong to something bigger than me.
I want to feel happy and creative and unique.
I don't know what form any of this could come in
But all I really want is to be inspired.

The Summer's All in Bloom, The Summer's Ending Soon

Summer always goes by way too fast.
I want to enjoy the last few days
Before the anxiety of school sets in.

I want to have fun.
I want to spend time with my friends.
Be with my Family.

I want to do one more "something crazy."
Have one last hoo-rah.
Be free.

Sometimes....
Life is Wonderful.

<3

Grandpa <3

You never really stop missing those you've lost...

I visited my Grandpa's niche during my visit in California.
It's sometimes hard to believe he's really gone,
But I know he's happy, which makes me happy.
Life and death are bittersweet.

Sometimes it's good to just goof around.
I love my brother and his friend Josh.
They bring me down to earth.

Peace

I've been thinking about it for probably 2 years now

and last night....
I DID IT.

And it's exactly what I wanted :)

The Trip

I cannot wait to move back to California someday. From the second I landed at LAX, through the hazy skies, past the airport In -N-Out burger that you fly next to on the way down, I felt immediately at home. I never want to leave that place. I know I will move back there because it IS home to me. The beach, the sun, the people...it's all love.

We went to the beach almost everyday. Zuma, Heavens, Malibu, Silver Strand...I could spend all day everyday at the beach and be perfect. We played in the ocean for hours each day; there is absolutely nothing like it in the world.

We took late night road trips to Hollywood to get spontaneous piercings and tattoos (which ended up not happening) and drove around LA like we owned the place. I tried new things, met new people, saw old friends I haven't seen in years, and acted on impulse which makes me feel free and like the person who's been hiding in Colorado for the past 8 years.

I really wonder who I would be if I had been able to finish growing up in my hometown. I would have given anything to go to Newbury Park High School and know all the people who went there, have looked at colleges in California, and had more time to grow around my entire family. There's no use dwelling on what could have been, but I do wonder. And although I may not be back there today, I know that someday I will be. And I'm making it a goal to work towards.

The people I grew up with in California are of a different kind. I'm serious. There is such a difference between the people in California and Colorado. When I'm with my CA peeps, I feel completely at ease. So comfortable. I can be myself. They are so non-judgmental and they love me for me. I don't have to wear any masks or worry about what I look like or what I feel like. It's the best feeling, I wish I could feel it all the time.

Here's a couple pics.

More to come when I get them <3