Happy Thanksgiving!

Today I am thankful for....

-my loving family and all the support they provide me.
-the fact that my dad got to come home for the holiday.
-my friends who love me unconditionally, are always there for me, and accept me for everything I am.
-having the opportunity to go to college.
-being a part of some amazing people's lives.
-having food, shelter, clothing, and essentials that some people have to live without.
-hope for a bright future.
-my belief in love and what love has already shown me.
-the opportunity I have to be alive and make memories and make the world a better place.
-the support I have in my life.
-each new day I have been given.

And so many many more things. It is a great day to be alive, and I could not ask for a better life to be living. Let's all recognize the things we are thankful for and live each day filled with passion, hope, and love.

3 months.

The other night I heard Jammin' by Bob Marley at a restaurant and almost started bawling in front of everyone. Then a few nights later, I heard Santeria by Sublime and had to leave the room. I don't have many things that make me cry at the drop of a hat, but Brianna is one of them.

Of course I think about her all the time, but there are very few things that she and I shared that can trigger a specific memory. There are very few memories I have left of us to keep me going.

I like when she pops into my head because it reminds me how much I cared about her. But I don't like the hurt I feel when I hear a song and remember she's not there to appreciate it anymore.

It's been 3 months.

I try to think like she would and that is, "for every moment you waste, there is another right behind to take its place." I am trying to replace every moment of sadness I feel with something happy and memorable, like I know she would have.

Maybe you wonder I keep blogging about her. The answer is, she would have wanted me to. I remember one time she posted a comment on my myspace page that said "so I really think you should put me in your heroes section." She loved when people recognized her in a special way, and she would like that I keep doing this.

And also because, I miss her. So so much.

Reunited And It Feels So Good.

I get to babysit my little ninos for the next 3 dayssss!
I have missed them so.
[We've already had one temper tantrum this morning
about what shoes Connor is wearing to school.
Cant wait to see what the rest of the day brings us.]

[Andrew on the left, Connor on the right]
Ahhh, reunited and it feels so good.

2 days and counting...

It's been a few days since I've written anything. Mostly because I'm at that "so uninspired, mad writers block, don't know what to say" spot again.

However, I do have the urge to write. Which is weird because I have 3 papers due on Friday and I have no interest whatsoever in writing those!

Cheers to procrastination!

Only 2 more days until sweet relaxation for an entire week,
So here's to gettin' it done.
Whoosh!

To Write Love On Her Arms

For anyone who doesn't know what TWLOHA is,
here is the website:
http://www.twloha.com/index.php

"To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery."

I know what it's like to battle depression.
Many of my friends and family members have struggled or are struggling with it as well,
which is why I fully support this movement.

Write "Love" on your arm today and show those who are struggling that you care. <3


"We were made to love" written on my arm today.
[November 13th, 2009]

Uncomfortably Alone.

After a busy day with classes and papers and grocery shopping and running around, my head is pounding and I finally come to the point where I can lay down and relax for the rest of the night until I fall asleep.

The only thing that doesn't relax is my brain. Through this pounding migraine that feels like my eyes are pushing up against my brain, I still manage to have too many thoughts bouncing around.

The worst part about living alone is the silence. When I lay down for the night to try and relax, the silence is more deafening than the lawn-mowers who mow during my nap every Wednesday. I hear my clock ticking and by the time I actually realize how uncomfortably alone I am, I begin to realize what it is I've actually been thinking about:

Brianna.

I find myself searching in the darkness and the silence for a sign. Anything to know she's there. Anything to know she's in a better place. A dream, a light flickering, a noise. Anything. She's all I can think about when I lay down for the night.

The worst part about living alone is that when I get sad, I can't just go in the other room and sit with my roommate until my mind wanders away. I can't just get up and talk to someone about it, because no one is there. It's just me.

Tonight through the massive headache and the relief of finishing a major assignment, I still feel the extreme weight of my 17 year old friend who passed away only 2 months ago. It's unfair and unreal and everything I don't want it to be.

But it is.
And I am.
Alone.

It'll never feel real to me.

It happens...

I've had mad writers block for like a week now. And I have nothing to write about. So, enjoy this awkwardly-cute picture of me as a child in an airplane. Good night.

Words of Wisdom.

I've been having a terrible day.
I got a parking ticket,
(because my parking lot is being repaved and I had to park on the street)
I can't figure out how the hell to enroll for classes,
And some people just really piss me off sometimes.
But then I read in my good friend JD's blog these words:

Be of Joy when life is bad, when you hurt, when your heart tells you you’re lonely.

And now I feel better :)