Sometimes on a Wednesday afternoon you just need a pep talk to get you through the rest of the day. They don't call it hump day for nothing. Wednesday afternoons are designed to test your patience, to see if you're mentally strong enough to make it over the hill to the end of the week.
Today, for me, every turn is testing my patience, making me second guess myself, making me feel like maybe I'm not doing a good enough job at whatever it is I'm doing at that given moment. I've been feeling so frustrated and down all day because I just can't seem to get it together. I can't seem to get it right. I'm just a half step behind.
But I have to forge ahead. I have to keep on trucking. Sometimes things work on the first try, and sometimes they take a bunch of failed attempts. But the point is, I'm not giving up. I've thought so many times today about handing the reins over to someone else and letting them take over because I'm obviously just not getting it. But I have to remind myself that I'm not failing. I'm learning. I'm getting better. I'm trying my damndest and I will not give up on myself because I know better than that.
Each trial teaches me more about myself, what I can handle, what I can accomplish and as much as it might take everything I have to make it up the Wednesday hill, tomorrow I'll be on the downhill slope coasting my way into awesome town.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
A Year.
Time is such a strange concept to me. Days, weeks, and even years go by in the blink of an eye, but sometimes they seem so long. Sometimes I can't believe it's only been a year because it seems like forever ago. But sometimes, like today, it feels like it hasn't been that long.
A year ago today my brothers best friend, Scott took his own life for reasons we'll never know or be able to explain. It was one of the lowest points I can remember in my life because I felt helpless. I was in the middle of my last semester of college, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life, and struggling to cope with the changes up ahead. Yet in the middle of all that, the only thing that mattered to me was my brother. I wanted to take his pain away so badly and make it my own so he would never again have to suffer the way he was. Nothing anyone said or did made the reality of the situation any better. And looking back on it, a year has felt like both an eternity and like no time at all.
In the light of the day I realize that it brought me and Connor closer together. I wish it didn't take things like this to make that happen, but it does. Nothing brings people closer together like holding each other for hours at the funeral of someone who was gone too soon.
I've also been reflecting on how a year ago today was also the closing of some other doors in my life, without even realizing it at the time. I had some "last times" which make me sad to think about. That night was such a blur as I tried to drink away my sorrows with Adios Mother Fuckers and a sleepover so I wouldn't be alone. As much as I was trying to forget, I remember it as clear as ever. And part of me wishes I didn't.
I miss Scott everyday. He was always there to help our family out. He practically lived at our house for the better part of 10 years. And most of all, he was the best friend my brother has ever known. And for that, he'll always be like a brother to me. He didn't know how loved he was, how appreciated he was, how special he was to those around him.
I've said this once and I'll say it again, because the point still stands as I write this a full year later:
A year ago today my brothers best friend, Scott took his own life for reasons we'll never know or be able to explain. It was one of the lowest points I can remember in my life because I felt helpless. I was in the middle of my last semester of college, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life, and struggling to cope with the changes up ahead. Yet in the middle of all that, the only thing that mattered to me was my brother. I wanted to take his pain away so badly and make it my own so he would never again have to suffer the way he was. Nothing anyone said or did made the reality of the situation any better. And looking back on it, a year has felt like both an eternity and like no time at all.
In the light of the day I realize that it brought me and Connor closer together. I wish it didn't take things like this to make that happen, but it does. Nothing brings people closer together like holding each other for hours at the funeral of someone who was gone too soon.
I've also been reflecting on how a year ago today was also the closing of some other doors in my life, without even realizing it at the time. I had some "last times" which make me sad to think about. That night was such a blur as I tried to drink away my sorrows with Adios Mother Fuckers and a sleepover so I wouldn't be alone. As much as I was trying to forget, I remember it as clear as ever. And part of me wishes I didn't.
I miss Scott everyday. He was always there to help our family out. He practically lived at our house for the better part of 10 years. And most of all, he was the best friend my brother has ever known. And for that, he'll always be like a brother to me. He didn't know how loved he was, how appreciated he was, how special he was to those around him.
I've said this once and I'll say it again, because the point still stands as I write this a full year later:
Tell people you love them, and do it now. Reconcile. Let everything else be water under the bridge. Try not to take things too personally. Love so much and enjoy this wonderful life you've been given.
Monday, October 1, 2012
#TeamRenegades
Tomorrow is a HUGE day for Digital Royalty and I'm so lucky to be a part of it. In case you missed it, I started working at dR a few months back. It's my first real big-girl job out of college and it's everything I could have hoped for in the start of my career. I love what I do, I love the team I'm on, and I'm happy coming to work every single day. For a young woman who's still trying to carve her path through post-grad life with all it's emotional instability and daily challenges, this job has been my saving grace. I work with some of the most nurturing and supportive people who work hard and teach me every day. They've taken me under their wing and without even knowing it, have been guiding me through my young adult life. It's a pretty special thing, and I'm really lucky to be where I am at this point in my life.
With that said, I feel even luckier to be a part of such an incredible company at this time as well. Tomorrow, the founder and CEO of dR - AKA the most kick-ass boss in all of the land, Amy Jo Martin - launches her book that she poured her heart and soul into. I had the opportunity to read the book before I even started working and as someone who has always been an early adapter of social media, I felt like it was written just for me. It's called Renegades Write the Rules and each day I get to experience a new level of it. I've secretly been implementing all her tips and tricks into my own social presence, and BOOM. I've seen massive positive changes. If reading the book didn't make me a believer, the proof was in the pudding.
Amy Jo is the epitome of the Renegades she writes about. It's really inspiring to watch and learn about her journey to this point. And the more I learn and witness, the luckier I feel for the opportunity to work with her and the amazing team of renegades she's built.
But the point of this post was not to promote the company or the book (though an added bonus), it was to express how grateful I am for what I'm a part of. I started my post-grad journey feeling mad at the world and like the universe was against me. I thought I would have to eventually settle for a desk job pushing papers and inputting useless numbers into some database just hating my life. Instead, I've had the opportunity to do what I love, keep learning, become friends with some amazing people, and feel HAPPY. I finally feel like I have a purpose and it feels pretty damn great.
Happy launch day to the entire dR team. Go #TeamRenegades, the most inspiring bunch of social media nerds I've ever met.
With that said, I feel even luckier to be a part of such an incredible company at this time as well. Tomorrow, the founder and CEO of dR - AKA the most kick-ass boss in all of the land, Amy Jo Martin - launches her book that she poured her heart and soul into. I had the opportunity to read the book before I even started working and as someone who has always been an early adapter of social media, I felt like it was written just for me. It's called Renegades Write the Rules and each day I get to experience a new level of it. I've secretly been implementing all her tips and tricks into my own social presence, and BOOM. I've seen massive positive changes. If reading the book didn't make me a believer, the proof was in the pudding.
Amy Jo is the epitome of the Renegades she writes about. It's really inspiring to watch and learn about her journey to this point. And the more I learn and witness, the luckier I feel for the opportunity to work with her and the amazing team of renegades she's built.But the point of this post was not to promote the company or the book (though an added bonus), it was to express how grateful I am for what I'm a part of. I started my post-grad journey feeling mad at the world and like the universe was against me. I thought I would have to eventually settle for a desk job pushing papers and inputting useless numbers into some database just hating my life. Instead, I've had the opportunity to do what I love, keep learning, become friends with some amazing people, and feel HAPPY. I finally feel like I have a purpose and it feels pretty damn great.
Happy launch day to the entire dR team. Go #TeamRenegades, the most inspiring bunch of social media nerds I've ever met.
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