A Year.

Time is such a strange concept to me. Days, weeks, and even years go by in the blink of an eye, but sometimes they seem so long. Sometimes I can't believe it's only been a year because it seems like forever ago. But sometimes, like today, it feels like it hasn't been that long.



A year ago today my brothers best friend, Scott took his own life for reasons we'll never know or be able to explain. It was one of the lowest points I can remember in my life because I felt helpless. I was in the middle of my last semester of college, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life, and struggling to cope with the changes up ahead. Yet in the middle of all that, the only thing that mattered to me was my brother. I wanted to take his pain away so badly and make it my own so he would never again have to suffer the way he was. Nothing anyone said or did made the reality of the situation any better. And looking back on it, a year has felt like both an eternity and like no time at all.

In the light of the day I realize that it brought me and Connor closer together. I wish it didn't take things like this to make that happen, but it does. Nothing brings people closer together like holding each other for hours at the funeral of someone who was gone too soon.



I've also been reflecting on how a year ago today was also the closing of some other doors in my life, without even realizing it at the time. I had some "last times" which make me sad to think about. That night was such a blur as I tried to drink away my sorrows with Adios Mother Fuckers and a sleepover so I wouldn't be alone. As much as I was trying to forget, I remember it as clear as ever. And part of me wishes I didn't.

I miss Scott everyday. He was always there to help our family out. He practically lived at our house for the better part of 10 years. And most of all, he was the best friend my brother has ever known. And for that, he'll always be like a brother to me. He didn't know how loved he was, how appreciated he was, how special he was to those around him.

I've said this once and I'll say it again, because the point still stands as I write this a full year later:

Tell people you love them, and do it now. Reconcile. Let everything else be water under the bridge. Try not to take things too personally. Love so much and enjoy this wonderful life you've been given.