Moments of bliss.

I had a realization the other day that I'm like, really happy. I've been having all these little moments of bliss recently where I catch myself feeling overwhelmingly happy. I get giddy and my heart starts racing and I'm overcome with this genuine feeling of pure joy all around me. Sounds kinda cheesy. It's an awesome feeling for sure, but it's strange because a year ago I never actually thought I would ever be so blissfully happy about anything in my life. I never thought I would get to the point where I could say that I'm completely happy and actually mean it.

I honed into this on Sunday night when I was at the Mumford & Sons concert in San Bernardino with my lifelong best friend, Cory and my co-workers, Julie & TJ. It was the perfect day, seeing an artist I adore for the first time in person, and with people I love to death. Every song they played I thought to myself, "there's no way I could ever be happier than I am right now." And then they would play another song and I'd feel myself elevating to a new level. If I had to define what absolute, unwavering happiness looks like to me, it's that. I wish I could bottle that feeling.

I think I had just gotten so used to just floating through life without really being 100% content with much around me. (How terrible is that?) I didn't really realize it until I got to the point where I actually WAS happy. A year ago today, for example, I was pretty much faking happiness on every level. 

I first started experiencing these moments of bliss when I was interning a couple summers ago at UFC. It was so refreshing at the time because I wasn't excited or inspired by anything in my day to day life. That summer was like a whole new section that I had added into my world that showed me what it felt like to not feel flat. I wasn't just going through the motions - I was LIVING.

Then after my internship I continued searching for that feeling again, with no such luck for quite some time. When I started working at Digital Royalty last summer I felt it start coming back. The common denominators here? Vegas and work. But not just any work - both times I've had jobs that I absolutely adored. That's such a huge part of it. I don't ever want to be in a situation where I'm working at a dead end job, unhappy and just there because I have to be. I'm lucky that I've never had to do that.

I felt it again on Monday night - making that two big times in less than 24 hours - when they announced the lineup of the Life Is Beautiful Festival coming to my city (literally 2 blocks from my apartment) in October. I get to be a part of this brand new, inaugural festival in MY city, where some of my favorite artists of all time are going to be playing. When they announced the lineup I think I screamed louder and smiled bigger than I ever have in my entire life. And I haven't stopped smiling since. It's going to be life-changing.

The point of this is, I hope I never go back to being that static version of myself I was for so long. THIS is who I am. I started laughing at basically everything I do because I've stopped taking myself too seriously. I get to go to live shows every other week and have good friends and co-workers who I can be myself around and who really do want to spend time shooting the shit, listening to my ideas, and have respect for me as a person. I don't lose sleep over the past anymore. And I love my job, apartment, roommate, and city I'm living in. I will never take for granted how lucky I am to be young and in love with my life at this moment in time.

DC.

I've had the opportunity to go to Washington DC three times so far this year for work. The first two were for meetings that lasted only a couple hours before turning around and flying home, but the third was for something pretty cool that I got to be a part of.

Two of my co-workers (Alana & Erinn) and I went to DC this past week for DoubleTree by Hilton's "Socialite Camp." Pretty much two full days of social media training and brainstorming with the top "social media champions" among all 300+ DoubleTree properties. And for a social media nerd like me, it was a blast. I learned a lot and got to present my first in-person social media training for our client. It was actually a really big accomplishment and a step forward in my career. Pretty big moment.

Me, Alana, Erinn on our long trek home from DC.

But aside from the work aspect of it all, this time around I actually had some down time (late at night) to explore a bit of the city. The first two times I went to DC this year we're so short it was literally in and out in less than 24 hours. But being there for a couple days this time was a much different experience.

After the first 16-hour day we decided to cram in a little trip to the National Mall so I could see the Lincoln Memorial for the first time ever. Talk about an awe-inspiring moment. I was stunned. It really was one of those moments where you can't believe you're actually standing in front of this giant thing you've seen millions of pictures of for your entire life. It was so much bigger than I imagined and so much more triumphant. Standing at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the memorial and seeing Lincoln through the pillars was unreal. But getting up close? Almost emotional.

Not to mention when you turn around you're standing directly in front of the Reflecting Pool and Washington Monument. A little dark, but I'm adding to my bucket list: Watch the sun rise over the Washington Monument from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

We also made our cab driver drive us past the White House (because duh, Obama) but unfortunately it's pretty hard to see it from the road. Covered in trees and kinda far away. Still got a glimpse, but that's about it. We also made a quick drive-by of the Smithsonian & Capital - two SUPER cool buildings.

The following day of training wrapped early and we had some time to kill before leaving for the airport so we decided to soak up our last moments in DC and see as much more as we could (as tired as we were, it was worth it). So we wound up at the Arlington Cemetery where we got to see the infamous Tomb Of The Unknown Soldier & Kennedy Gravesite. Another super cool experience.

Of course, the time change REALLY screwed with me and I'm running on fumes at the moment (it's just past 9pm on a Friday night and I'm in bed already.. holler!) but it was totally worth it to have crammed in as much as possible. Lots of hard work, airport delays, and a trash bag full of barf next to my face later (oh yeah, did I mention as our plane landed in Vegas a lady almost puked on me?) I'm home. I'm inspired and ready to keep tackling the next phase. I feel quite lucky.

Sometimes I wish I lived in the city.

You know, like New York City or LA. Somewhere in the heart of the bustling crowds where everyone walks and everything is local (I think I've officially decided I'm a city girl).

But then I look up and I'm shocked to realize - I do live in what I just described. I'm living downtown in a big city where there's bustling crowds and everyone walks and everything is local. In fact, this is my current view, right this second as I write this:

But what's even more awesome about where I live is that it's constantly buzzing with new excitement. Everyday a new business opens or a new restaurant begins construction. This is a big deal for a city that's widely viewed as "depressed" and in dire need of revitalization. There's so many big things happening in downtown Las Vegas and it's fun to watch and be a part of. I get to experience it all as it's happening, living right in the heart of it. Like today, I went to the grand opening of another brand new restaurant in town. How cool will it be to look back in 20 years to see how this city has changed and grown, and how all the "new" restaurants have become local gems over time. I'll get to look back and say, "I was there when..."

Sometimes I think I take the little things like this for granted because I get wrapped up in personal issues or work stress or wondering if I'll ever date again. But it's pretty incredible when I finally take a minute to stop and take a look around me. I'm lucky to be where I am at this point in my life. I don't know how I managed to get here, but I'm grateful that I did.

Two Types of Waiting.

"There are two types of waiting. 

There is the waiting you do for something you know is coming, sooner or later - like waiting for the 6.28 train or the school bus, or the party where a certain handsome boy might be. 

And then there's the waiting for something you don't know is coming. You don't even know what it is exactly, but you're hoping for it. You're imagining it and living your life for it. 

That's the kind of waiting that makes a fist in your heart."

Reality Check: I'm alone.

I often read posts from old college friends who are so vulnerable with their writing. They put it all out there and wear their hearts on their sleeves, not giving a damn that the one person it's likely about is probably going to be reading it. It doesn't phase them because they genuinely don't care if that person sees it. I admire that so much. I wish I had that kind of vulnerable, don't-give-a-damn attitude about everything I say and do.

I find myself holding back with my writing because I have a few people on the list that I'm not very comfortable with knowing exactly how I feel. Maybe I like keeping a little mystery or maybe I'm just scared to lay it all out there. The back-end of my blog has probably 20 unpublished posts in the last month alone. 

Anyways, I guess I felt the urge to do a little bit of a heart to heart, inspired by a recent post I read by an old college friend. Here goes: A few nights ago I was referred to as "the single one" by a waitress while out to dinner with some friends who happen to be couples. While it was actually pretty funny when it happened, I've never been more aware of the lack of romance in my life until then.

And to be honest.. I'm starting to feel pretty lonely. That night it was brought to the forefront with the "single one" comment and hasn't left my head since. It's not a big deal. I'm not even saying I need or want someone. It's just a sad reality that ALL my friends are couples and I actually AM the lone "single one." They never make me feel like a 5th wheel by any means, but they all get to go home to someone at night. They have someone to spend time with on the weekends or miss when they're gone. And me? I don't have that. And sometimes it stings.

But what stings even more is that little voice in the back of my mind that keeps saying "get used to it, Chels, because it might not ever happen for you again." I hate that voice. And hey, I know I'm only 23 and that's way too young to be giving up on the idea of ever finding someone. Trust me, you don't have to tell me that. I get it. I know. But I can't help but evaluate my past relationships and mistakes and feel like I got the short end of the romantic stick. Why does everyone else get to move on and be happy and I get to stay alone and sad?

I've gone through a lot of changes in the past year and a half. I've taken risks I didn't even know I had in me. I'm a different person now than I was in any of my past relationships. I've learned a lot and made changes and I'm a much happier person in general. I've got a lot to look forward to in the coming months and I'm surrounded by a really healthy and exciting atmosphere with incredible people. For all the great things I have going on, I've been floating on cloud nine. Except for that voice that periodically reminds me that I'm still alone and have been for a long, long time.

Beginning of the end?

I wrote this a few feeks ago but never got around to publishing it. I didn't feel like the time was right to share it, but it feels right now. Here goes.

I'm sure if you've looked at my blog even once over the past 9 months you may have grasped the nightmare I've had to deal with involving my car accident, insurance companies, treatment, and now attorneys. It's been an absolute nightmare following me around every single day for the last 9 months as I have to relive the accident for each new doctor or lawyer or insurance rep I'm passed around to. Every day has felt like an uphill battle trying to recover from this experience and move on with my life.

So after numerous battles with insurance companies who relentlessly screwed me over for months on end, I finally came to my senses and stopped letting them run me around. I lawyered up and let my attorney take it from there while his number one goal has been to help me get past this and get better. And now that brings us to today.

To ease the worsening pain in my neck from the accident, I had facet joint injections yesterday morning. It's a procedure where they put me out and injected 5 needles into my neck with some special sauce to help me be able to do simple everyday things like:

• Turn my head to the right
• Carry a bag over my right shoulder
• Not get debilitating migraines every single day
• Not have my arm go numb halfway through the day

After a lot of thought and conversations with multiple doctors, friends, and family members, I decided to go through with this procedure even though I was incredibly scared. I woke up after a lousy night's sleep feeling anxious and on the verge of tears. I'm actually not gonna lie here, when they laid me face down on the surgery bed to start the procedure I was full on crying (luckily no one saw because my face was buried in a sheet).

But let me explain the reason behind this. Was I crying because I was scared? Yes, absolutely. But it was also because I'm beyond ready for this to be over. I so badly want to leave this #1 horrible experience from 2012 (and basically my entire life up to this point) in the past. I don't want to be in pain anymore. I want to finally be able to move on with my life without this giant black car-accident cloud floating over my head. I'm tired of reliving this incident over and over again because it takes me to a dark corner of my mind that I don't want to be in. So today as I was laying face first on the surgery bed (is that the technical term?) waiting for the anesthesia to kick in, I cried out of hope that this day would finally be the beginning of the end.

*Note: 2.5 weeks after this procedure and I can confidently say it feels like I'm starting my trek through the downward slope of this mountain. Fingers crossed.

Changes.

Lots of things have been happening in my life. And I don't mean the typical roller coaster of ups and downs that I typically experience in any given month. But I realize I haven't documented any of this and I'm not quite sure why, to be honest. Maybe I've been busy or just haven't thought about it? There's no real reason, it just is what it is. But I'm here now and I have the urge to let the old fingers flow so let's talk about the last couple months, shall we?

First of all, January was kind of the same bust it usually is. Blah, blah, blah, I hate winter, yadda yadda yadda, I had to drop $1,000 on my car, shmee shmee shmee. It actually was much better than previous January's have been, though. If you've been around long enough, you've probably heard me at LEAST once refer to the epic (and inevitable) "January 2nd Meltdown" I face each year. You know, the one where I've just come off another New Years Eve spent on the couch with my mom watching Grey's Anatomy DVD's and then reevaluate every single one of my past life decisions that have led me to this point. It's really unnecessary, but again happens every year. January 2nd. Without fail.

This year, I braced myself for it, knowing full well it was coming. But it didn't come. New Year's eve was the most fun I've probably ever spent ringing in a new year and January 2nd came and left without a single tear or a single "WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE" thought. And I didn't even notice (in a good way). It actually felt great when I realized mid-January that I skipped over that annual event, and I think I know why it didn't happen: I'm happy. For once, the bleak mid-winter has not brought me down into a cold, freezing hole of dramatic reflection, and thank the lord. For once I got to enjoy January without the fear of spending the first half of the year bored and cold and sad. Vegas, you've already won me over for 2013.

And it helped that I had a LOT to look forward to in January. For starters, I was getting ready to finally move out of my parents house. Look people, this was a really big deal for me. I realize that pretty much everyone (except the really, really lucky few) have to move back in with their parents after college. I was fine with it. I like my parents and I'm kind of a homebody, so I was fine. But after a while I got a little self-conscious telling people I still lived with mommy and daddy. Not that anyone ever made me feel that way or called me out on it, but I was just so ready to start being independent and take the next big step forward in my life, and that all started with moving out.

So come February 1st, that's exactly what I did. I moved to Downtown Las Vegas with a friend and co-worker, Leah. We live about a 10 minute walk from work, right in the heart of Downtown. We get to be where the action is and no longer have to drive the dreaded 15 minute commute back to Summerlin on Friday nights when all we want to do is have a drink after a long week at work. Score.

We owe a huge thanks to both of our parents and our co-workers (and new Downtown neighbors) Julie & TJ for helping us get moved in. With their help, the process was expedited and we were in our new place in no time. And now, here we are, enjoying every second of our chic new living space (that actually turned out to be more spacious than we were anticipating). It's been a perfect fit so far and both Leah and I are thrilled to be settled into our Downtown digs.

Shortly after moving we took a little (working) trip to LA (again, if you know me at all you know I love me some la la land - 8 trips last year, what what??) to see Ellie Goulding perform at the Palladium. I got to spend some time with Cory and see one of my favorite artists live which was pretty amazing. Working from LA was a little bit more stressful than I anticipated though - sadly, my true colors were exposed while stuck in a horrendous wifi situation and everyone around me saw the rage that ensues when I don't have working internet. Oops. Trying to just own it as a Chelsea-flaw, but shit, I need to work on my anger sometimes (another story for another blog post).

Anyways, I'm happily back in Vegas now, skipped over Valentine's Day again, and have a terrible cold at the moment, but life is good. I'm happy and taking care of business. This year is already bringing about so many awesome opportunities in all different areas of my life and I couldn't be more excited to just live in the moment and enjoy things as they happen. Life's good.