ramble.

Its been a rough spring break. Fights with friends, taking the next steps in figuring out what comes next in life, let downs, tears, fights with siblings, fights with moms, and deep conversations about death, religion, and anything else that comes to mind.

Its been rough because all of these things bring up so much emotion. Its hard to not break down and cry when you are faced with so much at once. I cant imagine what its going to be like when I get back to Kansas. I know its going to be filled with happiness and tears. It will be very bittersweet, I can already tell.

I havent made a final decision but as of now I think I am leaning. towards colorado. Its hard to admit that because it brings up so much emotion and controversy and its going to be hard to come out and say. Nothing is final because I havent been accepted yet, I dont have a place to live, and I have to figure out how to enroll if and when I get accepted.

I wish things were easier. I wish the economy was better so I didnt have to stress about money, and not just me, everyone. I wish I knew how to be happy. I wish I could embrace change and not fear it. I wish alot of things were different but in the end I know that I am still in the learning process called life. I am no where near the point where I can say I know my decisions are correct, and frankly, I am still in the process of finding myself and where I should be. I really need to be grateful for all I have and have been given but at this point it seems like I'll njever get there. I just hope it comes soon so I can appreciate life and all its beauties.

Anyways, I feel like all I've been doing lately is rambling. About everything and nothing. I guess its fitting since my thoughts about everything are all over the place, but I wish I was certain about something. ANYTHING. Give me something to talk about. Write about. Sing about. anything?