The Mylo Xylotour

You might be wondering why it's been a full 4 days since I saw the concert we all knew would change my life and I haven't written about it yet. The truth is, I've been speechless since the second it ended. When I think about the show, all I can do is sit here and smile and shake my head and think "that REALLY happened." It was more incredible than I could have even imagined. It was like a much needed full-system reset that turned my world upside down (and now my feet won't touch the ground - had to).

When Connor and I bought our tickets back in December, we sprung for what we thought was a pretty high price bracket. And since we didn't have a map of Key Arena in Seattle, but landed with 17th row seats, we assumed we would be sitting pretty. However, the Coldplay gods must have known that the two biggest fans in that arena were going to be sitting in the 3rd bowl way in the back so they somehow managed to get us hooked up with an upgrade to 5th row floor seats. Yes, people. 5TH ROW. FLOOR. SEATS. We almost cried as we looked up into section 214 and realized where we almost were, and where we ended up. It was a miracle for sure.

Stage so close behind us

When we got into the arena they handed us wristbands to wear that lit up with the show. It was incredible to see every single person in the audience lighting up in neon colors, jumping up and down to the beat of their new album. When they came out on stage my brother turned to me with wide eyes and said "THEY'RE REAL." It sounds so cheesy, but that's how we felt. We have this band up on a giant pedestal, and there they were in the flesh, just mere feet in front of us singing the songs that have brought us close to each other and gotten us through some unimaginable times, both good and bad. It was one of those moments you just know you'll never, ever, ever forget because it rocks your whole world.

I've never been to a show with such high production quality - everything was big and dramatic and loud and colorful and every second that passed I was more and more impressed. I'm not gonna lie, at one point in the show I was moved to tears (totally expected). I had goosebumps. I was screaming. I was crying. And I thought to myself, "nothing in the world has ever made me as happy as I am right now." And that's pretty close to not being an exaggeration. I was in a state of euphoria and I rode that high for days.

After the show my brother and I got in the car and drove all the way back to my hotel in silence. We really just couldn't speak, and we had this silent understanding between us that there were no words for what we just experienced together. I woke up the next morning and got ready for the day in complete silence. I've never been so speechless in my life about anything - and for someone that loves to talk that's saying something. I couldn't gather my thoughts enough to formulate words to describe how I was feeling. And I still can't. I've never been so moved and inspired and happy. Seeing Coldplay really changed my life and I'll never forget that experience. It was worth every penny I dropped on that trip, and I probably could die happy having seen them play live.

I was super sad as I crossed "See Coldplay live with my brother" off my bucket list, 

but so happy that I was lucky enough to finally get to see them play. 

It shook me to the very core of my being.
I couldn't be happier.

Hump day pep talk.

Let me just start by saying this has not been my week. And usually during a bad week Wednesday is the day I start thinking "this is bullshit" and start attempting to turn my luck around. So far this hasn't really been working out, but that's why I'm here giving myself the hump day pep talk.

Lately it seems like to say "I'm having a bad day" is an understatement, because pretty much every day is a bad day. Ok, that's not exactly realistic or what I mean to say. But really I spend every day bored, looking for jobs, feeling exhausted for no reason, and kind of all around pathetic. So when something actually happens to make it more of a bad day than those feelings in which I just described, it's really unfortunate and makes me feel like I'm probably going to dramatically give up on everything and just cry myself into that inevitable afternoon nap (also an exaggeration - try to keep up).

The more I think about it, 4.5 months into 2012 and it really hasn't been my year yet. I came into it with a lot of hope for making it just as great as 2011 was and so far it's been one giant let down after the next. There was that one thing I passive aggressively wrote about that debilitated me for a bit, a few pointless job interviews, lots of getting my excited hopes up and feeling let down, the discovery of a bulging and herniated disc in my spine rendering me incapable of even the simplest activities, a devastating loss at the national championship for my Jayhawks, and recently a heartbreaking situation in which I pretty much just lost everything I've been working towards (not exaggerating this one). Oh and last night I was this close to getting in a car wreck that would absolutely have totaled my car thanks to someone driving at night without headlights on. Oh and today I found out I've already used up 16 of my 20 yearly insured chiropractic visits thanks to said back issues and now have to pay out of pocket just to be able to maintain my current state of discomfort (God help me if I have another flare up in the near future).

A lot of the things that have been getting me down are so far out of my control that there is literally nothing in the world I can do to change any of it. I'm honestly doing the best I can just to get from day to day and it's really exhausting to constantly feel let down and not good enough to have the things you want. I'm trying so hard to not feel helpless and whiny but dear god, I can't help but feeling like when the hell is it going to be my turn? But back to the main point of this paragraph: there is very little I can control in my life at the moment. But here are some things I know about myself:

1. I am a good person. I don't step on other people to get ahead or back-stab people. I don't act one way to someone's face and another way behind their back. I don't throw people under the bus to make myself look better. I genuinely care about other people and often times put others before myself, even if that means falling behind a little to help them.
2. I am not a manipulative person. I don't trick people into getting what I want. I'm honest and I do things in an honest way. I'm genuine and there's a reason I usually get along with the majority of people I meet.
3. I'm a passionate person. I get super wrapped up and emotional about things like politics and music, but I also apply that same passion towards work and personal relationships. If I care about something, I don't half ass it - I give it everything I have.
4. I am good at writing and speaking. I am not good at math and science (biggest understatement of the year). I like to hand-write directions and thank you notes and letters and lists. I'm very detail-oriented and like to quadruple check spelling and grammar millions of times before sending or publishing anything. This blog post will probably be read by me at least 8 times before anyone else sees it. I write like I speak. If I don't know how something is spelled or hyphenated or what something means, I look it up before I use it and look stupid. I am a perfectionist when it comes to writing (though I know I'm not perfect and there's probably errors in this still) and someday writing and communicating is going to further my career.

These are the things I can control. I cannot control what other people think of me, or how they choose to treat me, I can only control how I treat them and how I respond. And I choose to continue being a good and genuine person because I know that one day it will catch up with me and I'll be glad I didn't compromise myself to get ahead. I cannot control the outcome of certain situations, but I can control how much effort I put into them. And I can't control the shitty work of someone else, but I can control the fact that it will no longer be cleaned up by me.

The only thing I can do is keep looking ahead. Focus on the things I can control and try my best to not let the negative bullshit that keeps raining on me weigh me down too much. I may feel like I'm down on luck and nothing is going the way I wish/want it to, but I know that it can't and won't stay this way forever.

I just have to keep pushing through and look forward to the positive things I have going on in my life like seeing Coldplay with my brother in exactly ONE WEEK. See, Chels? Everything's not lost.

Will I see heaven in mine?

"Oh, they say you can see your future inside a glass of water, the riddles and the rhymes. 

Will I see heaven in mine?"

The answer, my friends, is yes. I do see heaven in my future. The most exciting countdown of my life is on. In exactly 2 weeks I will be flying up to Seattle to see Coldplay in concert with my brother! This trip is my official graduation present to myself and will be worth every single expensive penny I've had to drop to make it happen.

I'm pretty damn serious when I say seeing Coldplay is something that could allow me to die happy. It's #1 on my bucket list. And furthermore, seeing them with Connor has always been an important part of that dream. It's hard to explain, but my brother and I have bonded in some intense ways over Coldplay. Their music has had the ability to get us through some really rough times in our lives. And nothing has ever been so therapeutic to us both than laying in the dark on my little twin bed at our house in Colorado listening to the Viva la Vida album in silence, or driving to no where blasting them and singing at the top of our lungs in my car. We both have a super emotional connection to them, which is why this concert is going to be so special for us.

The only thing you really have to understand is that seeing them in concert is a lifelong dream for us both, and on April 25th that dream gets to come true. It will undoubtedly be the best night of my life and I can't wait to experience it with Connor by my side.

 Finding this wall in West LA - sign from the universe that heaven is DEFINITELY in my future.

Happy Birthday Mama Hartling!

Dear mom,

Today is your birthday and I'm so happy I get to be here to spend it with you. You may not know this, but you are my go-to person. You always have an answer - even when I sometimes don't want to hear it. Thank you for supporting me and encouraging me while I go through these awkward life changes in an attempt to one day be out on my own. Thank you for finally admitting that I AM the funny one, and laughing with me about the hillbilly's on The Amazing Race (I'm bakin' like a soup bean in a crock-a-taters if ya know what I mean!). Thank you for all the nights we've spent sitting on the couch watching the Bachelor and the Biggest Loser together. And for all of the little things we get to talk about or do on a daily basis now that I'm living at home again. You are so special to me, mom, and I love you so very much.

Even though you only have one child (that just so happens to be your favorite) here to spend it with you, I hope you have the best birthday ever.

Happy birthday, mom!

Paso Robles and the Weekend of Wine

This past weekend was all about celebrating my God-sister, Courtney! 

My other God-sister, Lindsey who just so happens to be Courtney's Maid of Honor put together an amazing bachelorette weekend in Paso Robles, California where we stayed in a cute little house and went wine tasting at 6 different wineries - all while being driven around in a limo by our adorable limo driver, Isaiah. It could not have been a more perfect way to celebrate Courtney's upcoming wedding, which all of us girls are so giddy about. We had so much fun riding around town drinking our body weight in wine and making a real attempt to "burn the city to the ground." While Paso Robles is still safely standing, at the end of the day some of us were not.

Outside our cute little casa

Eberle Winery

Wigging out at Clautiere

Clautiere Winery

Wine and cheese pairings.. literally changed my life.

Paso Robles was perfect. There's still a wedding shower and one more bachelorette party to go for Courtney - I mean, we live in Vegas. There's no getting away without one last crazy night on the town, and I can't wait! And special thanks to Lindsey for coordinating every last detail of this trip to make it the best weekend possible for everyone involved. She seriously ROCKS.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk: This day in History

One of the things I fell in love with about KU when I decided to go to school there was how every single person in the school - the town of Lawrence, even - shared a mutual love for the Jayhawks. It's hard to NOT fall in love with KU sports because everyone gets so fired up and excited that you just can't help but immediately become invested. Every single person in the town of Lawrence shares a mutual bond over the Jayhawks, making everyone your instant best friend on game day.

At the end of my freshman year at KU in 2008, I watched each game in the NCAA tournament in awe because I had never really gotten into college sports, let alone had any idea that KU had one of the best basketball programs in the nation. And now during my first year, my school was winning every game and advancing on all the way to the national championship. And with each win, the town went crazy. Everyone was so fired up that you just couldn't help feeling intense pride and pumped up with adrenaline. It was like being on top of the world.

On the night of the national championship all the students piled into Allen Fieldhouse to watch the final game live against Memphis on the big screens. Everyone was decked out in Kansas blue singing the Alma Mater and waving the wheat. The energy in that building was incredible - the stands vibrating from everyone jumping up and down, our ears ringing from the deafening noise of fans cheering, and our hearts pumping through our chests while butterflies erupted in our stomachs. We couldn't have been more simultaneously happy and nervous at the same time.

Kansas was behind at the end of the second half. I'm not gonna lie, there was about 5 seconds left in the game and I sat down because I thought it was over. This was our chance, and we lost it. All this excitement building up for weeks, all for nothing. We would all be going home and crying tears of sadness and disappointment. But then something I will never forget in my entire life happened. Mario Chalmers hits a 3 pointer AT THE BUZZER to tie up the game. They go into a sudden death overtime and Memphis falls apart while Kansas comes back with a fiery burning passion and wins the game.

 

Everyone rushes to the middle of the court, 

jumping up and down, screaming, hugging everyone in sight, 

and crying tears of JOY.

Everyone - I mean EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. rushes down to Mass Street to celebrate. There's people jumping on cars, flashing people out of their apartment windows, "We are the Champions" is playing loudly on repeat and everyone is singing along, cheering, thousands of high fives, more crying, screaming, climbing up light posts, crowd surfing. Thousands upon thousands of people all celebrating in unison to the biggest, most exciting win of all time. The 2008 national championship was ours.

I will never forget that night as long as I live because I have never felt so proud and excited. I was proud to be a Jayhawk, proud to be an athlete at a school where sports is celebrated in that manner, and excited to be a part of the biggest celebration I have ever seen. There is just nothing in this world like being a Jawhawk.

Tonight Kansas will fight again for the national title. They have spent the entire tournament as underdogs, winning when the world was sure it was their last night, and coming up from behind over and over again to make it all the way to the end. Whether they win tonight or lose, I will always be so proud of this season, and proud to stand by KU and watch them shine.

I may have finished my education at a different school, but KU will always be my first love, and I will always be proud to be a Jayhawk!

ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK