It's not you, it's where you are.

By the time my lease is up at the end of this year, I will have been in Vegas for over 3 years, which is longer than anywhere else I’ve lived since I was in high school. I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on this place - enough to have a very formulated opinion if nothing else, and lately I’ve been putting a lot of thought into my relationship with this city. Just like me, she can be a real dame and a real doozy, when she wants to be.

Vegas is the city that’s notorious for drunken 72-hour long marriages, one-night stands, gambling addictions, drive through chapels, and the “I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine” mentality. The dresses are too short, the heels too high, the alcohol too expensive, and the people just fake enough to make you question how living here can possibly be considered real life. But it is real life for those of us who have taken up residency. With the expectation of fake eyelashes, push up bras, and 6 inch pumps that murder your body from your feet to your neck, one weekend is usually enough for people to get a taste and then head back to whatever “normal” city they left behind for a few days of lavish extremities. Thankfully living downtown isn’t as extreme as what you might experience if you venture south down Las Vegas Blvd (enter: Fantasy Land). The Strip turns Vegas into a city of magic and mischief, which is both tempting and troublesome.

Vegas is the city that giveth and the city that taketh away. It gives you a platform for your wildest dreams to manifest because no dream is too big, too outrageous, too extreme. It’s the city that gives you hope for your future by planting the idea that you can do anything or be anyone you want to be (you want to be Tupac or a sexy cowboy? Head on down to Fremont Street and you've got yourself a gig). It provides an atmosphere of constant excitement and entertainment around every corner. There’s truly never a dull moment - unless you choose to spend your Friday nights on the couch with Ted Mosby and a glass of sangria (which there's nothing wrong with, by the way).

But it can also take that all away faster than you can say “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." I’ve seen more start-up companies try and fail and come and go than I even knew existed. I’ve seen people get carried away having TOO much fun and end up at their version of rock bottom, which ranges from being blacked out over a strangers toilet seat to losing their home because they gambled it away. I’ve seen hearts get broken when it all just becomes too much to bear: lovers lose interest, sin city soulmates head home, and people you care about start to leave because they realize what comes next.

You’re constantly surrounded by thousands of people, all seemingly pulsing and buzzing like a choir in unison. Yet the loneliness of this city is palpable, and much like with every added drink on a Saturday night you can feel it coursing through your blood stream. You’re hardly ever alone, yet you’re always lonely. You’re out playing with your friends and laughing on the outside, maybe even drunkenly singing at the piano bar if you’re feeling bold. But deep down that last shot of Fireball represents the feeling in the pit of your stomach that your life is just missing something. You’re constantly told by everyone you meet to suck it up because you’re "so young” - as if that means you lack the ability to formulate a genuine opinion of your own circumstances. After one year and +15 pounds of beer belly, you begin to realize that this city is not sustainable for 20-somethings chasing after their futures. We can’t last. The expectations are not realistic.

Knowing you’re not leaving anytime soon (and face it, you don’t want to yet), you spend the next 6 months trying to make the most of where you’re at by not letting yourself get sucked downstream in a sea of booze. You lose the 15 pounds you put on, start focusing more on your career trajectory and feel confident about the upward direction you’re heading. Maybe you even start trying to date again in an effort to create some sort of normalcy in your personal life outside of work. But after you’ve been turned down 3 times in a row by 3 different guys via radio silence after inviting them to a UFC fight or out for a drink, you start to realize that it’s obvious why you feel so lonely and no one is able to find companionship here. You have to wonder, is it you? But before you start feeling too sorry for yourself, you're given some very valuable advice: It’s not you, it’s where you are.

A lightbulb goes off. You realize that sentence applies to more than just your love life. Maybe you’re not the common denominator here. Maybe Vegas is the common denominator. Maybe you’re the only normal thing about this city, and you don’t even realize it because you’re consumed by the unrealistic situation you're in. “Normal” in Vegas isn’t “normal” anywhere else in the world. It's entirely possible that everyone you’ve met has a glittery blindfold on, preventing them from wanting any sort of real, emotional connection with another human being (and you're pretty sure that anyone who says they don't want that is either lying or lives in Las Vegas). But not you; you've already outgrown that phase of your Vegas residency. It makes you wonder, maybe if you moved to a different city without all the showgirls, bright lights, and $50 cover charges things would be different; "real life" could actually start. Maybe Vegas is just a catalyst into the next phase of your life where things will start to level out. There’s no denying it’s been good to you though; you started your career here, inherited some of the best friends the universe could have possibly picked out for you, and grew into your awkward 20-something phase of life. Even though at times it feels like your career path is at a peak and your love life is a vast empty valley, deep down you love it here and your (nearly) 25-year-old-self wouldn’t trade it for anywhere else.

But you can’t help but start to wonder, what comes next? If you’ve got the job, the friends, the apartment, and the family near by, what is it that's missing? Why aren’t you the happiest you could be? You already know the answer but you’re too lonely to even admit it out loud. There's a missing piece of the puzzle that you’re confident won’t be found under current circumstances. Unfortunately you know that might mean eventually having to start the entire puzzle over from scratch. Then all at once you realize what’s missing. It's not another person, it's a decision, and one you're not quite ready to make. 

You sometimes feel discouraged, but deep down you still believe in this city because you’ve seen what she's capable of. You're not ready to give up on her just yet. You know it’s a gamble, but the perfect hand will be dealt in due time, right? So until then, you keep your fingers crossed, continue to roll the dice, and each night you say the old Vegas prayer, "luck, be a lady tonight." 

Then you stop and remind yourself: you own your happiness, not anyone else. And you keep pushing forward towards the life you've always wanted. Wherever that is, is still TBD.

Guest Post: A Single Angeleno in Sin City

I'm so excited that my best friend, Cory agreed to be my first-ever guest blogger - especially on the theme of "Single in Sin City." Hearing her experience on the subject is compelling to me - mostly because of the giggle-filled phone calls we often share, reminiscing of the crazy nights we've had on the Strip. From turning 21, to my eventual move here, we've had quite a few nights being Single in Sin City together. And even though it's now my hometown, I can still relate to being a non-local - from before I moved to Vegas, and sometimes still when I venture down to the Strip, mostly whenever Cory's in town. Anyways, I'll let her do the talking this time from a different angle: A single LA girl in Sin City.

I am so honored that my oldest friend Chels would even consider allowing me to write a guest post on her newly revamped blog: Single in Sin City. As a SoCal native and LA local, being a guest of Sin City makes me the most run-of-the-mill type of girl walking the Strip these days. I'm in town for a night or two for several purposes. Nope, not work or relaxation, really... I'm there to party, to have girl time, to meet guys, to relax, sure (while looking cute and taking seemingly carefree Instagram selfies)... and to be the girl that I am not on your average weekday.

Mind you, I am entirely stereotyping AND generalizing at the same time. This is the Vegas I've experienced as a SoCal girl... it's the one I've seen since I was underage and adventuring there with a fake ID on a frat bus full of shit-shows. It's the Vegas that I have done while freshly single, while LONG-single, and while partially-pseudo-single. Never have I been when I wasn't single, I don't think. Hence: Single in City City. It's the only way to be there.

What is it about Vegas that allows us to act the way we do? Is it a similar phenomenon to Halloween, in which the standard is so outrageous that we feel comfortable being any form of our real or imagined selves, in whatever costume we can get our hands on? I mean, there's no dress code; there's no way to be sleazier than some you'll see on the Vegas Blvd street corners. There's no one there to judge your appearance (who you'll never see again after that weekend), and there are no parents or bosses who you might accidentally run into.

There's no pressure to meet the one or act a certain way, because there's no need to impress the dance partner or one-night stand you'll find on the dance floor in Vegas. No one wants to marry the one they met on a Vegas weekend. Right? There's no limit to how high ones dress can hike or high ones heels can spike, because the outfit is only for one night and there's only one place in which you can get away with wearing those things.

You pull out the dress, the outfit you chose for a night out in Vegas because it's too tight and low cut to wear at your average weeknight happy hour. It's too hot to ever throw away, too slutty to ever donate and too expensive to not save forever in the back of your silk-lined underwear drawer. You wear it because something about that hotel room lighting makes you feel like you look like a million bucks; I mean, your friends told you so and the guys you passed on the way into the cab clearly liked it (according to the whistles). You wear it because it's hot as hell outside if it's summer and the short dress is the easiest to dance around in, even if it's winter.

After a few conversations, a couple strong drinks and maybe even a duck-out from the wrong guy for your ideal evening, you spot the hottie that may end up being your Vegas hook-up, otherwise known as the Sin City Soulmate (as only I would call him). You look over until he makes eye contact because when ELSE has your makeup, your carefully penciled eyeliner and thickened mascara, ever looked this good? You twist and dance and shake it shamelessly because the music is somehow perfect and the booze is now pumping through your bloodstream. You even nonchalantly inch toward his corner of the dance floor because you want to be close to him -- to share this excitement with someone on your level.

You consider how the night will end, and you realize that you don't want it to. You may have mixed friend groups by this time, and you also may have lost all of them by now. You glance at the time according to your iPhone and cringe at the hour, only on the inside. Outside, you're grabbing his hand for another round on the dance floor because your heeled feet are numb now and you may as well capitalize on your adrenaline rush, or at least get a quality workout in. You ask yourself: will I go home with him? Could I do that? He is making you feel like the hottest girl in the room -- hell, in all of Sin City -- holding you tight and keeping his eyes locked onto you even when you flip your hair and pretend to look away. So you'll swiftly exit back to the Strip, hand in hand, and notice that the sun is coming up already with both the promise and the inherent tragedy of a new day. 

You may jaunt back to whomever's hotel room with a skip in your steps, in the anticipation of stretching your wild night into the depths of a late morning. Perhaps you'll meander back without a deadline in the world because you'd rather share a few drunken stories about your Vegas weekend between kisses, watching that unrivaled desert sunrise over the cheesy, jagged landscape. If you're as lucky as me, you might even make it upstairs in time to watch said sunrise from the penthouse balcony of the Cosmo, wrapped in Egyptian cotton. 

The best part of it all is is the too-true saying: What happens in Sin City stays in Sin City. At least, it probably should stay, according to most modern history of Vegas debauchery. Hasn't anyone here seen The Hangover? Snapchat should always be the social avenue of choice on a night like the one described above. Why is it then, that the aforementioned Sin City Soulmate can't get out of my head... nor out of my recent text history?! It all begins with the morning-after text; before you know it, it's become bed-time FaceTime dates spent wallowing over the distance between you. 

I know I shouldn't waste a second entertaining the possibility; I mean, in most cases of my Vegas luck, the lover-boy has turned out to live in some far off land like Canada! But I can't help it... my mind can't help but journey back to that fateful night beneath the flashing lights at XS, alongside the sparkling shallows at Surrender and Marquee. There was the way he snuck his fingers across my dress hem as we danced, and the exasperation in his voice when he whispered in my ear: Where have you been?! Maybe there was something just devastating about the innocence in his questions, his genuine curiosity, and the pure absence of any suggestion that I come back to his hotel room. You know you're in trouble when a Sin City Soulmate leaves you wanting more.

As it turns out, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas -- most of the time.

(Side note from Chelsea: ...Unless you live here.)

Introducing: Single in Sin City.

They say you should write drunk and edit sober, so I'm writing this with a glass of wine in my hand but probably not planning on editing sober (update: I edited sober). My life feels sloppy right now, much like how this post might turn out is. But that's the beauty of it, I suppose. It's honest if nothing else.

A while ago I was introduced to a little dating app called Tinder. I was super reluctant at first because it felt like a hook-up scheme. I had the impression that everyone on there would be sleazy, gross, and only after one thing - which stands to reason if we're being honest here. I'm sure half the dudes who "swipe right" just think you're hot and easy, and hey, it's easier than actually meeting someone face to face and pursuing them like a normal human being, right? But I decided to give it a try after hearing a few success stories from people I actually trust.

I set up my lame ass profile and had no idea what the hell to reveal about myself so I went with a spin on my Twitter bio: "Hilary Duff lookalike & burrito connoisseur. Social media & UFC ass-kicking." Enough to create a conversation starter or two? I guess, but I still felt extremely lame (and still do). But I swear to god if I had a nickel for every profile I've seen that had "KCCO" or "It's going down, I'm yelling TINDER!" as their description, I would be rich as fuck by now. At least I tried to be somewhat creative and descriptive of myself.

I won't lie - I did not "swipe right" on anyone the first time I sat down and scrolled through because I was nervous. I didn't actually know what the hell I was in for or what the repercussions would be if I did. But then of course I found a dude I thought was super cute and said "fuck it." We were matched. He never said anything. So I moved on and swiped right a few more times. All the sudden I got sucked in like it was a god damn game and I was swiping left and right like it was my job - and hilariously enough not even talking to anyone I was matched with. I kind of liked it that way because if nothing else it was showing me that there's more men in Vegas than I previously thought - albeit not a plethora of my type. Lot's of weirdos, beardos, UNLV students (NO!), and dudes just passing through for the weekend (no surprise there). Side note: Tinder forces you to be shallow and judge if you're interested in someone based on their appearance in 1-4 photos. I really don't like that quality in myself or in others, so I find it difficult to take it seriously.

But I grew bold. I started a few conversations, responded to a few creative opening lines. I thought, what the hell, at least this might help me loosen up and learn how to have a normal conversation with a guy which is something I'm terrible at unless I have zero attraction to them whatsoever. I started getting pretty good. Then I got asked on my first "Tinder date" which was kind of exciting. I took a deep breath, consulted my best friend, and finally said yes. But then in true Tinder fashion, immediately started a new conversation with someone else who also asked me on a date within the first half hour of talking. I said yes again.

I felt empowered because why the hell should I NOT be casually dating and seeing multiple people at once? I need the practice and I'm not meeting anyone organically anyways. Seemed like a good idea so I mustered up all my courage and went for it. Everyone I talked to encouraged me and thought it was a bold step forward for the ol' Chelsea-Chels.

Anyways, I'll skip the painfully awkward details of both dates and move ahead to now. I'm realizing I am terrible at this. I'm not cut out for it. I have 15 guys messaging me on Tinder asking me about burritos and I'm completely overwhelmed to the point where I kind of want to vomit. I am not meant to juggle a bunch of dudes or casually date several at once. It's just not who I am. So while my phone is sitting beside me buzzing non-stop with new matches and the 300th dude named Zach to send me a message, I feel like a giant idiot for whatever mess I've clearly gotten myself into.

I feel like Tinder (in Vegas at least, maybe everywhere) is almost like this whole community of dating rejects like myself who can't get their shit together. I don't want to date those people, so why would they want to date me? Sadly, fellow Tinderellas, we're probably in for another lonely year.

I had a pretty sad thought today yesterday while I was contemplating how guy from date #2 turned down my super fun (and cute, if I do-say-so-myself) offer to be my date to the UFC fight tomorrow night tonight. Side note: What kind of guy would turn down the chance to be my date at a UFC fight? Even if he ends up never wanting to see me again, I can't think of a more fun way to get to know someone better. I need a man who can appreciate hanging out in my comfort zone. Back to my thought: I'm just better at being single. I can't take the drama and stress and anxiety of the aftermath (you know, the did-he-or-didn't-he, will-he-or-won't-he call again situation). If this is the new wave of what it means to be "dating" then I'm not sure I'm going to survive it. I'm good at being single. I've been on my own for a really long time and quite honestly, I'm scared shitless. I'm scared of being alone, and I'm scared of letting my guard down long enough to find someone worthwhile. I'm trying my damnedest to put myself out there and be confident and cool and awesome and sexy and whatever the fuck else everyone wants me to be and it's just not working because it's not who I am. I'm not a product of the shallow Las Vegas lifestyle, I'm just a regular chick trying to make it in the world of 20-something lostness.

So while my head was spinning yesterday afternoon wondering if I've actually been rejected by guy #2 or if I'm just rejecting myself at this point, I decided that I can't give up on this new found boldness. Not yet. So henceforth, my new thought process will be to go on dates, have some crazy experiences, and not care what the outcome is, because at least I'll come away from it with a story to write about in my newly transformed blog: Single in Sin City. Ready for a ride? I hope I am too.

What a difference a YEAR makes.

It's really hard for me to believe it's been exactly one full year today since I graduated from college. I remember waking up on December 16th, 2011 feeling a cross between excited that this day had finally arrived, and sick to my stomach from being hours away from saying goodbye to my friends and my apartment and my life in Boulder. My family flew in from Vegas and New York to be there for the ceremony, help me pack up, and send me off into the next chapter of my life.

I remember thinking "HALLELUJAH, I never have to write another term paper or take another math test ever again!" and "oh... what am I gonna do from here on out?" My whole life I had been a student. I spend 4.5 years at 2 different colleges, I knew my routine, I knew how to BS my way through a paper and exactly how long I needed to study for a test to pass. I was good at being a student and I liked it. I really didn't know what the next chapter had in store for me and I was both terrified and eager to find out.

My incredible cousin, Sara flew in from New York to support me which I was SO thankful for. I've always looked up to her and she's always had the best advice and life lessons that I've been able to relate to. I knew when she got there that some deep and probably emotional talks were in my immediate future (and of course that was accurate). I don't remember every detail of that weekend, but I distinctly remember this talk I had with Sara. She told me that the first year out of college was going to be the most challenging year I've ever experienced, but that I was going to learn so much about myself in the process. She had been there, she knew the struggles, so I gladly took that piece of advice and tried to prepare myself.


So ready or not, I packed up my tiny apartment, dropped off my keys, and drove away with my dad in the U-Haul and my brother in the passenger seat of my car. As I drove away from Boulder I looked in my rear view mirror and could see the beautiful Flatirons getting smaller and smaller and I sobbed while Rivers and Roads was playing in the background. It was like something out of a damn movie and it still gets me to this day. I already missed Boulder so much more than I could imagine and I wasn't even 10 miles into my journey to Vegas.

I wish I could say that Sara was wrong in her advice, but like always, she was dead right. In fact, she was so right that I have thought about her words every single day for the last year. This entire year since the day I graduated has been the most challenging year of my life on almost every possible front, but in the process, I became Chelsea 2.0. I have learned more about myself from this year than any other year in my life, and I've grown up in ways I wasn't expecting.

Upon all the changes I was facing and the new environment I was living in, I had to run to LA at the start of the year so my best friend could dig me out of a very heart broken hole, and that basically set the tone for the rest of the year. I got diagnosed with a herniated disc and a bulging disc in my low back, I was unemployed for 8 months, I got completely overlooked for what I thought was my destiny and dream job, I had no choice but to live at home with my parents, and I started dating someone again for the first time in 5 years which ended after getting in a serious car accident and spending the night in the hospital in neck braces. Thanks, heard ya loud and clear, universe. Talk about a low.

I basically got to a point where I couldn't keep letting the universe take a shit on me so I decided 3 things: I was not going to cry over the past anymore (which I haven't.. except once, no one's perfect), I was going to get myself out of situations where I wasn't happy (which I did), and I was going to actively practice patience (hardest of the 3). Once I did those 3 things, my year started rounding a serious corner.

After 7 months I landed a job interview with Digital Royalty and luckily they took a chance on me and offered me a job - on my birthday. I knew right then that it was a sign from the universe and that this was the turning point. I knew from day one that this was the perfect job for me. I loved everything about it and everyone on the dR team. And now, 5 months in, I couldn't imagine a better fit for me. I get to do what I love every day, and it's made me realize that no matter how long I had to wait to get to this point, the universe had my back all along. I just needed to be patient and trust that all the challenges I faced happened for a reason and I'm a better person because of it.

I'm now getting ready to move out of my parents house and into an apartment in Downtown Vegas with my friend & co-worker, Leah. One full year since the day I graduated, my life is at a complete 180 from where it was. And although it's been one hell of a hard year, I actually did learn a lot about myself in the process. I'm more determined than I thought, stronger than I thought, more spontaneous than I thought, more mature than I thought, less willing to put up with negativity and passive aggressiveness than I thought, and headed down a different direction than I thought. It might be a different path than what I originally expected I would head down, but it's a BETTER path. I'm happier and better than I thought I could be thanks to that year-one shit storm.



And just to be clear, this entire year was definitely not a bust. I did have some really great moments. I got to see Coldplay in Seattle with my brother, watched KU go to the NCAA Basketball finals, went to California a total of 8 times (whoa...), I got to spend a TON of time with my best friend Cory, I got to have a lot of hugs and girls nights with Lindsey, got to watch my other God-sister Courtney marry the love of her life, went to Yosemite with my entire extended family, went to Muhammad Ali's birthday party, met some incredible people, slept in every day for 8 months, went to Disneyland TWICE, and met Josiah Leming and Seal. Can't complain about a tough year too much when I had some really awesome adventures in between.

So the point of this post is, TRUST that the universe (or whatever forces you believe in) has your back, even if it might not seem like it sometimes. It can't rain forever. What's meant to be will find it's way to you if you're open to taking chances on things that may be out of the realm of what you think your future should look like. If there's anything I've learned, it's that it's never going to look like what you're thinking, but that can potentially be a great thing.

And thank you, if you're reading this. Whether you played an active role in this cycle or not, thanks for being in my life and helping me get to this point. One year after graduating college I can say with confidence that I'm truly happy with the road I'm on and at peace with this past year. I feel like a new Chelsea which is pretty exciting stuff.

And thanks again for the wise words, Sara. I'm looking forward to seeing what year 2 has in store.

Life Lately (part 3)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

1. On June 26th I crossed "Meet Josiah Leming" off my bucket list!

[And died in the process. Amazing artist, wonderful person]

2. Spending the last precious weeks with my god-sister Lindsey

before she leaves for MEDICAL SCHOOL!

[tears on the way...]

3. Sibling times. 

We're pretty adorable if I do say so myself.

[and I do...]

4. Happiness is: 

A zip line down Fremont Street in the warm summer breeze

with my very best friends

5. Finally celebrating Kirby's 21st birthday

[Vegas style!]

6. Spending sweet summer moments with my soulmate.

Birthday Madness in Vegas

Well it's been about a week since I've updated on here but it's because I've been celebrating my 21st birthday in style in Las Vegas!

It was an incredible weekend with my entire family and a couple of my best friends (although I wish Katie could have been there!!) and we all had so much fun!

The first night my God-sisters Courtney and Lindsey took my friend Cory and I to this place called Lavo where we got free dinner and a cocktail and then free drinks and dancing all night! It actually turned out to be "Latino Night" at Lavo so we pretended to be Latino and Salsa dance all night and it was hilarious.









The second night my whole family went out to dinner at Hussong's where we had 2 for 1 margaritas all night and sang drunken tunes with the Mariachi band (there are so many pictures from that night but I'm gonna try to keep it minimal!). These guys from New York bought us all a shot of tequila because it was my birthday, then Cory bought all the girls a Jello shot, so by the time we left dinner, we were well on our way!






After Hussong's the girls (me, Cory, Jill, Courtney, Lindsey, my sister Ashley and her friend Karen) went out to this new club at the Hard Rock called "Vanity" where we had a table and bottle service all night.









It was really awesome! We danced the night away all over the club and got a little crazy.









On Saturday, we rented a Cabana by the pool and just relaxed and laid out in the sun all day. It was just what we all needed to recover for the new night's festivities!










Saturday night we had a cocktail party at our suite in the Luxor (after moving rooms because our air conditioner didn't work and the lights blew out in the bathroom from all us girls getting ready).







We were joined by a whole bunch of other family members and family friends which made the party the best! We all just took shots and sang karaoke for hours before heading out for more dancing.








We then headed downstairs to a club in the Luxor called the "Cat House" (that I kept calling "Cat Walk" all night for some reason....) which was so much fun! Again, we got free entrance and bottle service thanks to Courtney who totally hooked us up all weekend! It was a blast dancing with my whole family and being silly.





Of course I got some gambling in.. lost everything I put in in less than 2 minutes so it's safe to say I had no beginners luck and wont be gambling again! But it was still a good experience and tons of fun (I even got carded for ordering water once - NO JOKE!).

All in all, it was probably the most amazing weekend of my 21 years thus far. I was so lucky to have my whole family there celebrating with me and it meant so much to me to have them there. I will never forget it!