A Year.

Time is such a strange concept to me. Days, weeks, and even years go by in the blink of an eye, but sometimes they seem so long. Sometimes I can't believe it's only been a year because it seems like forever ago. But sometimes, like today, it feels like it hasn't been that long.



A year ago today my brothers best friend, Scott took his own life for reasons we'll never know or be able to explain. It was one of the lowest points I can remember in my life because I felt helpless. I was in the middle of my last semester of college, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life, and struggling to cope with the changes up ahead. Yet in the middle of all that, the only thing that mattered to me was my brother. I wanted to take his pain away so badly and make it my own so he would never again have to suffer the way he was. Nothing anyone said or did made the reality of the situation any better. And looking back on it, a year has felt like both an eternity and like no time at all.

In the light of the day I realize that it brought me and Connor closer together. I wish it didn't take things like this to make that happen, but it does. Nothing brings people closer together like holding each other for hours at the funeral of someone who was gone too soon.



I've also been reflecting on how a year ago today was also the closing of some other doors in my life, without even realizing it at the time. I had some "last times" which make me sad to think about. That night was such a blur as I tried to drink away my sorrows with Adios Mother Fuckers and a sleepover so I wouldn't be alone. As much as I was trying to forget, I remember it as clear as ever. And part of me wishes I didn't.

I miss Scott everyday. He was always there to help our family out. He practically lived at our house for the better part of 10 years. And most of all, he was the best friend my brother has ever known. And for that, he'll always be like a brother to me. He didn't know how loved he was, how appreciated he was, how special he was to those around him.

I've said this once and I'll say it again, because the point still stands as I write this a full year later:

Tell people you love them, and do it now. Reconcile. Let everything else be water under the bridge. Try not to take things too personally. Love so much and enjoy this wonderful life you've been given.

#TeamRenegades

Tomorrow is a HUGE day for Digital Royalty and I'm so lucky to be a part of it. In case you missed it, I started working at dR a few months back. It's my first real big-girl job out of college and it's everything I could have hoped for in the start of my career. I love what I do, I love the team I'm on, and I'm happy coming to work every single day. For a young woman who's still trying to carve her path through post-grad life with all it's emotional instability and daily challenges, this job has been my saving grace. I work with some of the most nurturing and supportive people who work hard and teach me every day. They've taken me under their wing and without even knowing it, have been guiding me through my young adult life. It's a pretty special thing, and I'm really lucky to be where I am at this point in my life.

With that said, I feel even luckier to be a part of such an incredible company at this time as well. Tomorrow, the founder and CEO of dR - AKA the most kick-ass boss in all of the land, Amy Jo Martin - launches her book that she poured her heart and soul into. I had the opportunity to read the book before I even started working and as someone who has always been an early adapter of social media, I felt like it was written just for me. It's called Renegades Write the Rules and each day I get to experience a new level of it. I've secretly been implementing all her tips and tricks into my own social presence, and BOOM. I've seen massive positive changes. If reading the book didn't make me a believer, the proof was in the pudding.

Amy Jo is the epitome of the Renegades she writes about. It's really inspiring to watch and learn about her journey to this point. And the more I learn and witness, the luckier I feel for the opportunity to work with her and the amazing team of renegades she's built.

But the point of this post was not to promote the company or the book (though an added bonus), it was to express how grateful I am for what I'm a part of. I started my post-grad journey feeling mad at the world and like the universe was against me. I thought I would have to eventually settle for a desk job pushing papers and inputting useless numbers into some database just hating my life. Instead, I've had the opportunity to do what I love, keep learning, become friends with some amazing people, and feel HAPPY. I finally feel like I have a purpose and it feels pretty damn great.

Happy launch day to the entire dR team. Go #TeamRenegades, the most inspiring bunch of social media nerds I've ever met.

The Perks of Being Nostalgic.

My weekend goal was to read The Perks of Being a Wallflower in it's entirety. It's actually only about 210 pages and the pages are smaller than a normal book, so it's fairly short. I knew it wouldn't take me long to read it, even though I'm probably the slowest reader in the land. No joke, I have to read every line in my head like I'm saying it out loud. I have to pause at the commas and read each line using expression and emphasis. It's just the way I process it, but it takes me much longer than the average speed-reader to cruise through a book.

Anyways, the book was fantastic. It was very well written which is hard to come by these days when recent best seller books are likened to that of Stephanie Meyer. It's always refreshing to read something that ISN'T a best seller because someone has an amazing publicist, no matter how terribly insulting the language and tone is to other writers. Not saying I'm going to write amazing books in my life, but I know good writing when I see it. And this book had some great writing.

I could relate to the main character in some ways. He very blatantly is battling depression over things he couldn't control and broke down crying at almost everything. I've been that person, and from time to time, still am. I couldn't relate to his central problem (no spoilers here) but it did make me nostalgic for past times.  Specifically high school, as that's where the story takes place.

I actually just visited with an old friend from high school a few nights ago and we did a little reminiscing and talking about how everyone we know is married now except us. Sometimes I still feel like that 17 year old girl who was just graduating from high school and scared to go to college and suffering my first heart break and going to prom with my best friend and walking down those halls one last time before never turning back.

The thing is, I don't think I'd necessarily want to go back to that time. It was hard enough the first go-round. But sometimes I can't help but think back to a time when I could not see the day I'm living in now. I couldn't even GUESS what the year 2012 would look like, and I don't think I had even ever thought that far ahead. I can't even picture what THAT Chelsea was thinking. All I know is, that Chelsea had a bunch of different priorities and goals and friendships than the Chelsea of 2012 does. It makes me wonder what the Chelsea of 2017 will be like. I wonder if she'll look back on today and still get that nostalgic feeling.

Anyways, while I'm feeling nostalgic, I thought I'd share some pictures of THAT Chelsea that not a lot of people in my life now ever met. Sometimes it's hard for me to even remember her. What I do know about her is that she was naive but she was happy. And she always had hope that good things were in store for her future. She didn't know the road between high school and now would be as hard and challenging as it was, but she knew in the end she'd come out ok. And she was right.

Short and sweet.

I made a promise to myself that I would write more once I got back from Yosemite. And it looks as though I haven't kept that promise - but I actually have, I just haven't published anything I've written. I just realized I have 5 or 6 unpublished posts just waiting for me to hit send. Unfortunately, I don't think I will. There's some things I think I'll just keep to myself.

For the sake of a quick update, my life has been a complete roller coaster the past few weeks. I've had some intense highs and some crippling lows. It's been a whirlwind for sure between my brother being in the hospital for 2 days and then leaving to go back to school in Seattle, discovering I have nerve damage in my neck from my car accident in June (AND that the insurance companies stupidly double-paid my hospital bills and left me with a $350 chiropractor bill), and closing in on 11 days until the launch of Renegades Write the Rules & dRU. I've had hardly any time to myself, but the good news is, I'm surrounded by some wonderful people and I'm learning a lot every day. I couldn't really ask for a better environment in my life at this time and I'm grateful for that.

I was reminded a couple days ago that the universe is on my side. When times get hard I tend to look to the universe for answers and I've been asking the same question for almost 10 months now. But I think I finally got my answer, and the answer is that I need to pause and learn to trust the process. Everything happens in its own time and good things happen to those who wait. Cryptic? Maybe. But it's good stuff.

Tomorrow is Friday and this weekend I plan on taking some much needed Chelsea time. My goal is to read "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" - the entire thing, catch up on my sleep, and mentally reset. Good things are on the horizon. I've said it before and I'll say it again.. nothing brings HOPE like Fall.

And with that I say, goodnight.

Life Lately (part 4)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

1. I started an awesome new job at Digital Royalty!
[more on this to come]

2. Sometimes me and my mom meet Seal.

3. Took a not-so-relaxing vacation to Yosemite with the whole family.

Lots of hiking and nature is just what the doctor ordered.

4. Spending a lot of time in Downtown Las Vegas with my new team of Renegades

[and loving every second of it]

5. After 7 long years, I'm finally ditching the green colored contacts.

Got myself some new specs, and going all-natural for a while. 

New chapter, new Chelsea. 

In other news:

• My god-sister Lindsey went off to medical school and I miss her more than anything
• Breaking Bad is one of the best TV shows I've ever watched and I'm highly addicted right now (no pun intended)
• I'm newly independent, enjoying my 20's to the fullest, and refocusing my life to reflect who I really am and what I want for my future. Nothing but honesty with myself and what's best for me from here on out.

Cheers to another awesome week ahead.

Yosemite: Nothing worth doing ever comes easy.

Yosemite has always had a special place in my heart. My family has vacationed there since I was little because it was close when we lived in California and we're pretty much the camping kind of vacationers - no resting. But when we moved to Colorado it was a lot harder to get to Yosemite so we just kind of stopped going for a while, which sucked to say the least. So last August we decided it was time to get back on the horse and we booked a trip with the extended family for exactly one year from then, and I've been counting down the days ever since. Sadly it's already come and gone, but it was definitely one of those life changing trips you know you learned a lot from and won't be forgetting any time soon. It was exactly what I needed at this point in my life and it couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

If you stalk me at all (which, come on, I know you do) you'll notice that #27 on my bucket list says "Hike the Panorama Trail in Yosemite...as an adult." I must have done this hike as a kid at least 3 times. It was always "THE hike" everyone talked about whenever we went to Yosemite because it's really long and really hard. It's like 8.5 miles which doesn't seem like that long in the grand scheme of life (especially after JUST watching those hardcore Olympians running marathons and shit... makes you feel a little inadequate when you're talking about how hard 8.5 miles is, am I right?!) which is what I kept telling myself when mentally preparing for this trip. I knew we were going to do it, I knew I would be sore, but I knew it was something I had to do because a) I've done it before, so I can for sure do it again, right? b) it's on my bucket list so I HAVE to, right? c) It's only 8.5 miles and mostly all downhill so it can't be that hard, right?!?!

WRONG. ON ALL ACCOUNTS.

Let me just start from the beginning. We excitedly woke up at the ass crack of dawn and got on the bus that drops you off at the top of Glacier Point (pretty much the tip-top of Yosemite). We admired the beautiful view of Half Dome, took some pictures, and merrily started the downhill trek from Glacier Point into the valley singing show tunes, catching up with the fam, and laughing as a couple of us (including me) tripped and fell for the first time of the day. Still packed with energy this trail seemed like nothing. 8.5 miles? NOOOO PROBLEM.

At the top of Glacier Point overlooking Half Dome

So the first few miles are all downhill. A solid slope, not too hard, we're not out of breath or tired yet. We make it to the first resting point at Illilouette Falls. We happily cracked open some snacks, took off our shoes for a bit, basked in the sun, and kept thinking "psh, we got this." HOWEVER. The next portion of the hike is entirely uphill (it's supposedly only 1.5 miles uphill, but it feels like a solid 12). We started the trek uphill after a short break and almost immediately I feel myself having an asthma attack. My lungs are burning. It's very clear that I'm out of shape and on the verge of death. Everyone else seems to be fine, and in fact, are way ahead of me and my mom (and my dad who stayed behind to make sure the both of us didn't keel over and pass out). This uphill part seemed like forever. It was never ending. Every switchback I felt this immense hope that it would be the last one, and then would realize that I could see other people still hiking uphill wayyyyyy up ahead. It. Sucked.

I started giving myself a pep talk that went something like this: "You can do this. You have had a rough year and you are going to turn it around right now. You are going to get to the top of this sissy, bullshit hill and then you get to go downhill again for the rest of the day. You will do this. You are going to prove to yourself right now that you can still have the things you want. You can accomplish things. You can set your mind to something and get it done. You will show this hike who's boss!"

It was not helping. In fact, it was not helping so much that my thoughts started making a complete 180 and I started dramatically thinking "This hike is a perfect metaphor for my entire life right now! A never ending uphill climb and I'm struggling with every fiber of my being to make it to the top and it just doesn't end! Why can't something as simple as a stupid hike with my family ever just be easy?!" I hope you're finding the humor in this because I'm laughing as I write it. Even though I was NOT laughing while I was hiking (more like on the verge of a mental breakdown), looking back on it, it's pretty hilarious now.

I finally make it to the end of the uphill part and the trail starts going downhill again. The rest of my family is already so far ahead, they're probably already at the next stopping point and feasting on their lunch. So I take off marching down that hill as fast as I possibly can. I left my parents in the dust because I was so determined to leave that uphill battle in the past and get back to the rest of the hike. Mosquitoes were biting me left and right but I didn't care. And when I reached the rest of the group, sure enough everyone was parked at the top of Nevada Falls eating lunch and resting up for the last leg. It felt good to know that there was only a few miles left and the hardest part was over with. Whew.

....Or so I thought. 

After lunch (where one of my water bottles fell into the waterfall) we were faced with a choice: the last 4 miles on one trail, or a 2.5 mile "short cut" with a scenic route. Well, after that uphill part 2.5 miles sounds like a cake walk so we all agree, duh, OBVIOUSLY we're going with the short cut.

Let me just spell this out for you: Straight. Downhill. Rocks. Stairs made out of rocks. Are you picturing this? It's worse than you're imagining, I promise.

It's hot. I'm sweating out every drop of water I'm guzzling into my body. I haven't peed all day and at this point I've already drank 5+ bottles of water. I'm slipping on every step. My legs are starting to shake. It's getting steeper and steeper. It's been well over an hour and we've MAYBE gone a half a mile. This hike has gone from hard to completely brutal. Every step I take I'm pretty sure is going to be my last. I just know I'm going to slip on one of these rocks, land on my ass, throw out my back, and have to be helicoptered out of here. We come to another stopping point where I feel like I'm going to pass out. I'm literally delirious and have about 1/4 of a water bottle left. Everyone keeps saying "the hardest part is over! There's only a little left! Drink that water because at the bottom of this tiny hill we're about to go on there's a water station!" I'm thinking OH THANK GOD! FINALLY!

That is, until I realize I've been lied to. The next part was the hardest of the entire thing. Maybe it's because my legs were already about to give out and collapse underneath me, or maybe I was dehydrated, but I was using every muscle in my body to prevent myself from tumbling to my imminent death. And if it wasn't for my Uncle Paul literally holding my hand, I probably would have. I couldn't believe what I'd gotten myself into. I was staring straight down into a never ending staircase of rocks that I was somehow going to have to climb down.

I don't know how, but we finally make it to the watering hole and I just collapsed. We still had another mile to go before we reached Happy Isles where there's ice cream waiting for you after a long and miserable day. But we stayed there for a while waiting for my mom and dad and Uncle Prescott to catch up because they were struggle city on that last part too. I was covered in dirt and mosquito bites and sweat. I think we waited there for about an hour where I didn't speak or move, just sat and thought about the entire day.  I took a couple notes on my iPod so I wouldn't forget:

Things I've learned today:

1. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Learn some patience. Slow it up.

2. I'm horrendously out of shape, and therefore probably shouldn't commit to 8.5 mile hikes without thinking it through.

3. I idealize things in my head (both in life and in this hike) and have a tendency to jump into things I'm not ready for just to prove to myself that I can do it.

4. I am capable of doing whatever I set my mind to. 

5. Against all adversity of pain and struggle and uphill (and downhill) battles, I pushed myself beyond what I thought I was capable of and extended my limits.

6. My family is everything to me and without them supporting me the entire way I would not have made it to the end. They are literally the reason I finished the hike.
7. Nothing worth doing ever comes easy.

Final resting point at the bottom of Vernal Falls

When my mom, dad, and Prescott finally made it to the watering hole there was only one mile left to go. My legs had an hour of rest and my mind was clear of all the negativity and I got up and walked the last mile side by side with my Uncle Mark, talking about the ice cream at Happy Isles and the hour long showers and enormous amount of cocktails we were going to consume the second we got back to camp. And that last mile went by so fast. I made it to the end of the god-forsaken Panorama Trail. I did what I came to Yosemite to do and I felt so accomplished and proud of myself for NOT being carried out on a helicopter that all I could do was laugh at the ridiculous amount of emotions I experienced throughout one single day. What a crazy life I live. Ha.

Oh, and of course there was no ice cream at Happy Isles (something about an avalanche destroying the ice cream stand? Excuses.) and I didn't even have one cocktail because of extreme dehydration - but none of that mattered. I was just happy to be there with my family.

The next morning I fell as I got out of bed because my entire body hurt more than I've ever experienced in my life. My parents, brother, and I couldn't help but just start cracking up at how gimpy and ridiculous we all looked, hunched over, waddling around and groaning with each step. This is what memories are made of, people.

So the moral of the story is (are you still reading?) sometimes you have to dig so incredibly deep within yourself and summon some strength you don't even know you have, but anything is possible when you put your mind to it. A herniated disc, a hurt neck, shaky legs, and dehydration couldn't stop me from finishing this hike. Thanks to my incredible family and my sheer will to not die in a rock slide, I achieved my goal.

I'm in control of my own life. I can have the things I want. I am stronger than I think.

"You need to write more."

These are words I've been saying to myself every day for the past couple months. The truth is, while it may seem like I've let my precious blog go dark lately, I actually have been writing. I've just been experimenting with different platforms like 750 words and tumblr. But nothing compares to the homey feeling of writing in my blog. I've been neglecting it and it almost feels like a friendship I've let slip away.

We need a catch up sesh. Wanna do happy hour? Oh, I can't tonight. How about tomorrow? Tomorrow's no good either. How about next Friday? We'll play it by ear. Sound familiar? That's me with my blog every single day. I have a head full of thoughts and a world full of updates but I can't seem to make myself take the plunge and write it all down to share with the world.

I'd do it right now but...pretty much the only reason I'm posting is because I'm procrastinating finishing up packing and going to sleep. Tomorrow I leave for Yosemite with my extended family - I'm so excited and ready to get away and go off the grid for a few days. My life has been a whirlwind of knowledge accumulation, heartache, and opportunities all since my last post on my 23rd birthday. Things are moving fast and it's time I slow down and enjoy the ride before it passes me by.

So here is my goal: To clear my head and feel better in my mind, body, and soul during my time in Yosemite. I want to come back feeling refreshed, inspired, and with a new zest for life.

And here is my promise: When I return I will quit neglecting my blog and use my new found inspiration for good. I swear.

Cheers to nature, fresh air, and family. Everything you need to get through it all.