Sometimes I wish I lived in the city.

You know, like New York City or LA. Somewhere in the heart of the bustling crowds where everyone walks and everything is local (I think I've officially decided I'm a city girl).

But then I look up and I'm shocked to realize - I do live in what I just described. I'm living downtown in a big city where there's bustling crowds and everyone walks and everything is local. In fact, this is my current view, right this second as I write this:

But what's even more awesome about where I live is that it's constantly buzzing with new excitement. Everyday a new business opens or a new restaurant begins construction. This is a big deal for a city that's widely viewed as "depressed" and in dire need of revitalization. There's so many big things happening in downtown Las Vegas and it's fun to watch and be a part of. I get to experience it all as it's happening, living right in the heart of it. Like today, I went to the grand opening of another brand new restaurant in town. How cool will it be to look back in 20 years to see how this city has changed and grown, and how all the "new" restaurants have become local gems over time. I'll get to look back and say, "I was there when..."

Sometimes I think I take the little things like this for granted because I get wrapped up in personal issues or work stress or wondering if I'll ever date again. But it's pretty incredible when I finally take a minute to stop and take a look around me. I'm lucky to be where I am at this point in my life. I don't know how I managed to get here, but I'm grateful that I did.

Two Types of Waiting.

"There are two types of waiting. 

There is the waiting you do for something you know is coming, sooner or later - like waiting for the 6.28 train or the school bus, or the party where a certain handsome boy might be. 

And then there's the waiting for something you don't know is coming. You don't even know what it is exactly, but you're hoping for it. You're imagining it and living your life for it. 

That's the kind of waiting that makes a fist in your heart."

Reality Check: I'm alone.

I often read posts from old college friends who are so vulnerable with their writing. They put it all out there and wear their hearts on their sleeves, not giving a damn that the one person it's likely about is probably going to be reading it. It doesn't phase them because they genuinely don't care if that person sees it. I admire that so much. I wish I had that kind of vulnerable, don't-give-a-damn attitude about everything I say and do.

I find myself holding back with my writing because I have a few people on the list that I'm not very comfortable with knowing exactly how I feel. Maybe I like keeping a little mystery or maybe I'm just scared to lay it all out there. The back-end of my blog has probably 20 unpublished posts in the last month alone. 

Anyways, I guess I felt the urge to do a little bit of a heart to heart, inspired by a recent post I read by an old college friend. Here goes: A few nights ago I was referred to as "the single one" by a waitress while out to dinner with some friends who happen to be couples. While it was actually pretty funny when it happened, I've never been more aware of the lack of romance in my life until then.

And to be honest.. I'm starting to feel pretty lonely. That night it was brought to the forefront with the "single one" comment and hasn't left my head since. It's not a big deal. I'm not even saying I need or want someone. It's just a sad reality that ALL my friends are couples and I actually AM the lone "single one." They never make me feel like a 5th wheel by any means, but they all get to go home to someone at night. They have someone to spend time with on the weekends or miss when they're gone. And me? I don't have that. And sometimes it stings.

But what stings even more is that little voice in the back of my mind that keeps saying "get used to it, Chels, because it might not ever happen for you again." I hate that voice. And hey, I know I'm only 23 and that's way too young to be giving up on the idea of ever finding someone. Trust me, you don't have to tell me that. I get it. I know. But I can't help but evaluate my past relationships and mistakes and feel like I got the short end of the romantic stick. Why does everyone else get to move on and be happy and I get to stay alone and sad?

I've gone through a lot of changes in the past year and a half. I've taken risks I didn't even know I had in me. I'm a different person now than I was in any of my past relationships. I've learned a lot and made changes and I'm a much happier person in general. I've got a lot to look forward to in the coming months and I'm surrounded by a really healthy and exciting atmosphere with incredible people. For all the great things I have going on, I've been floating on cloud nine. Except for that voice that periodically reminds me that I'm still alone and have been for a long, long time.

Beginning of the end?

I wrote this a few feeks ago but never got around to publishing it. I didn't feel like the time was right to share it, but it feels right now. Here goes.

I'm sure if you've looked at my blog even once over the past 9 months you may have grasped the nightmare I've had to deal with involving my car accident, insurance companies, treatment, and now attorneys. It's been an absolute nightmare following me around every single day for the last 9 months as I have to relive the accident for each new doctor or lawyer or insurance rep I'm passed around to. Every day has felt like an uphill battle trying to recover from this experience and move on with my life.

So after numerous battles with insurance companies who relentlessly screwed me over for months on end, I finally came to my senses and stopped letting them run me around. I lawyered up and let my attorney take it from there while his number one goal has been to help me get past this and get better. And now that brings us to today.

To ease the worsening pain in my neck from the accident, I had facet joint injections yesterday morning. It's a procedure where they put me out and injected 5 needles into my neck with some special sauce to help me be able to do simple everyday things like:

• Turn my head to the right
• Carry a bag over my right shoulder
• Not get debilitating migraines every single day
• Not have my arm go numb halfway through the day

After a lot of thought and conversations with multiple doctors, friends, and family members, I decided to go through with this procedure even though I was incredibly scared. I woke up after a lousy night's sleep feeling anxious and on the verge of tears. I'm actually not gonna lie here, when they laid me face down on the surgery bed to start the procedure I was full on crying (luckily no one saw because my face was buried in a sheet).

But let me explain the reason behind this. Was I crying because I was scared? Yes, absolutely. But it was also because I'm beyond ready for this to be over. I so badly want to leave this #1 horrible experience from 2012 (and basically my entire life up to this point) in the past. I don't want to be in pain anymore. I want to finally be able to move on with my life without this giant black car-accident cloud floating over my head. I'm tired of reliving this incident over and over again because it takes me to a dark corner of my mind that I don't want to be in. So today as I was laying face first on the surgery bed (is that the technical term?) waiting for the anesthesia to kick in, I cried out of hope that this day would finally be the beginning of the end.

*Note: 2.5 weeks after this procedure and I can confidently say it feels like I'm starting my trek through the downward slope of this mountain. Fingers crossed.

Changes.

Lots of things have been happening in my life. And I don't mean the typical roller coaster of ups and downs that I typically experience in any given month. But I realize I haven't documented any of this and I'm not quite sure why, to be honest. Maybe I've been busy or just haven't thought about it? There's no real reason, it just is what it is. But I'm here now and I have the urge to let the old fingers flow so let's talk about the last couple months, shall we?

First of all, January was kind of the same bust it usually is. Blah, blah, blah, I hate winter, yadda yadda yadda, I had to drop $1,000 on my car, shmee shmee shmee. It actually was much better than previous January's have been, though. If you've been around long enough, you've probably heard me at LEAST once refer to the epic (and inevitable) "January 2nd Meltdown" I face each year. You know, the one where I've just come off another New Years Eve spent on the couch with my mom watching Grey's Anatomy DVD's and then reevaluate every single one of my past life decisions that have led me to this point. It's really unnecessary, but again happens every year. January 2nd. Without fail.

This year, I braced myself for it, knowing full well it was coming. But it didn't come. New Year's eve was the most fun I've probably ever spent ringing in a new year and January 2nd came and left without a single tear or a single "WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE" thought. And I didn't even notice (in a good way). It actually felt great when I realized mid-January that I skipped over that annual event, and I think I know why it didn't happen: I'm happy. For once, the bleak mid-winter has not brought me down into a cold, freezing hole of dramatic reflection, and thank the lord. For once I got to enjoy January without the fear of spending the first half of the year bored and cold and sad. Vegas, you've already won me over for 2013.

And it helped that I had a LOT to look forward to in January. For starters, I was getting ready to finally move out of my parents house. Look people, this was a really big deal for me. I realize that pretty much everyone (except the really, really lucky few) have to move back in with their parents after college. I was fine with it. I like my parents and I'm kind of a homebody, so I was fine. But after a while I got a little self-conscious telling people I still lived with mommy and daddy. Not that anyone ever made me feel that way or called me out on it, but I was just so ready to start being independent and take the next big step forward in my life, and that all started with moving out.

So come February 1st, that's exactly what I did. I moved to Downtown Las Vegas with a friend and co-worker, Leah. We live about a 10 minute walk from work, right in the heart of Downtown. We get to be where the action is and no longer have to drive the dreaded 15 minute commute back to Summerlin on Friday nights when all we want to do is have a drink after a long week at work. Score.

We owe a huge thanks to both of our parents and our co-workers (and new Downtown neighbors) Julie & TJ for helping us get moved in. With their help, the process was expedited and we were in our new place in no time. And now, here we are, enjoying every second of our chic new living space (that actually turned out to be more spacious than we were anticipating). It's been a perfect fit so far and both Leah and I are thrilled to be settled into our Downtown digs.

Shortly after moving we took a little (working) trip to LA (again, if you know me at all you know I love me some la la land - 8 trips last year, what what??) to see Ellie Goulding perform at the Palladium. I got to spend some time with Cory and see one of my favorite artists live which was pretty amazing. Working from LA was a little bit more stressful than I anticipated though - sadly, my true colors were exposed while stuck in a horrendous wifi situation and everyone around me saw the rage that ensues when I don't have working internet. Oops. Trying to just own it as a Chelsea-flaw, but shit, I need to work on my anger sometimes (another story for another blog post).

Anyways, I'm happily back in Vegas now, skipped over Valentine's Day again, and have a terrible cold at the moment, but life is good. I'm happy and taking care of business. This year is already bringing about so many awesome opportunities in all different areas of my life and I couldn't be more excited to just live in the moment and enjoy things as they happen. Life's good.

New Year's Resolutions

I don't like people who get all snarky about how New Year's Resolutions are bullshit. I personally love the idea of starting anew. Yes, it's true that each and every day is an opportunity to start over or change the way you operate, but beginning a new year is different. A year signifies the turning of time in our life and it's good to take that chunk of time and box it up, look back on the changes you've made, and look forward to how you want the next big measurable chunk of time to look. And I'm actually really good at sticking to my resolutions each year because I've realized that it's much more do-able when you're realistic with yourself. I'm not going to set resolutions for going to the gym twice a day because I know myself well enough to know I know there's no way in hell I'll be doing that. Instead, I set goals that I KNOW I can/will do if I actually make the decision to do them.

So without further ado, here's my list of resolutions for 2013, based on what I learned about myself in 2012:

• Stop being so awkward all the time and instead, work on being more assertive and taking more initiative
• Keep in touch better with Lindsey at least 2x a month (and spend next NYE with her!)
• Go visit Sara and Drew in New York
• Discover a new level of respect for myself by learning to say "no"
• Learn to recognize negativity in my life early on and get rid of it

Last year's resolutions were all about moving on. I told myself I was going to find a job I like, start dating again and take chances, say yes more often, and really immerse myself this new chapter of my life. Guess what? I did ALL of those.

This year, my resolutions are more about doing what's RIGHT for me, not what I THINK I should be doing. If saying yes feels wrong sometimes, then I need to learn how to say no. If something or someone is adding negativity into my life, I need it removed. It's really that simple. Taking my lessons from 2012 with me and using them to make 2013 an even better year.

Cheers to you and yours. I hope your best year is right ahead.

2012.

Since I already did my big year-end post on the one-year anniversary of graduating college, I thought I'd switch up my annual year in review blog by doing a recap of my top 10 best moments of 2012. Although this year was very challenging, emotional, and full of changes, I did have QUITE a big year with lots of pretty incredible moments as well. Here's to bidding this year a big PEACE OUT and welcoming what's sure to be an awesome 2013.

10. Turning 23.

I wasn't expecting my 23rd birthday to be anything special. It's not a big milestone in life, so I didn't have high expectations. Plus it was right smack dab in the middle of an unfortunate first half of the year, so I really could have skipped it all together. But it turned out to be WONDERFUL. Spent at Lake Mead with my god-sisters floating on the lake and drinking beers, followed by fondue at the Melting Pot with my family. Oh, and did I mention it was also the day I got offered a job at Digital Royalty? Talk about exceeding my wildest expectations. A non-milestone turned monumental day in my year.

9. Golden Gate Bridge

Growing up in Southern California is always something I've been proud of. I love SoCal and I hope to move back there again at some point in my life. But somehow I lived there for 12 years and never managed to make it all the way up to Northern California - until this year when my sister moved to San Jose. I got the opportunity to help her out by driving her car from Vegas to LA and then all the way up the coast of California. It was amazing getting to watch the sunrise over the ocean as I made my way up north. And then after getting to San Jose, we drove even further to see one of California's monuments and something I've never seen in person - The Golden Gate Bridge. It was only for a short time, but something I'll definitely never forget. The entire experience.

8. Obama Re-blog.

On Halloween I dressed up as Rosie the Riveter. It was actually the first time I "spoke out" about my political views during this election cycle because I was trying not to get too emotionally invested Ala 2008. But I decided to rock a "Women For Obama" pin with my costume and voila - the Obama campaign saw my picture on Tumblr and re-blogged it for the world to see. It got over 2700 notes in 3 hours and I had friends and family calling me from all over the country screaming with excitement that they saw it. I was super proud and excited that my tiny little political statement was actually making a bigger impact than I intended. Definitely one of the most exciting days of the year. Oh yeah, and then Obama got re-elected soooo I'm pretty sure that pin was good luck.

7. Goffstein Wedding

Love was in the air this summer as my God-sister, Courtney married the love of her life, Shane. It was a beautiful wedding and a huge milestone for Court. I'm so glad I got to be there for it, and she made a GORGEOUS bride.

6. Paso Robles

Before Courtney & Shane tied the knot, we took a girls weekend trip to Paso Robles for wine tasting. Sounds mellow, right? Wrong. There was tons of wine, cheese, wigs, an all-day limo, naked hot-tubing, bright purple teeth, and possibly even some passing out at the Vineyards. Hey, us single ladies had to help Courtney celebrate her departure from the singles club and her entrance into married life SOMEHOW. I think we managed pretty darn well - and luckily Paso Robles is still standing.

5. Josiah Leming

Meeting Josiah Leming was on my bucket list. I've loved his music so much for so long so when he came to Vegas this summer, Connor and I made it our business to be there. Turns out, it was a super intimate show with less than 20 people in the audience (lucky for us!). We found him after his set and got to talk to him for a while which was a complete dream come true for both of us. He is SUCH a cool guy and it made me love him even more.

4. Disneyland

My happy place. I don't remember when I started this tradition with Cory, but whenever it was long ago, it's become a defining characteristic of US. We are Disney. Does that make sense? Anyways, After a several-year-long dry spell, I got to go TWICE in 2012. The first time was pretty much like a therapy session that helped me through a broken heart and put some much needed perspective back in my life. I came away from that trip feeling refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the year. The second trip? Purely about being with Cory, having fun, and experiencing Disneyland (for my first time ever) around Halloween. Complete and total awesomeness.

3. Digital Royalty

Getting hired at Digital Royalty was definitely one of the TOP highlights of my year. I am SO incredibly lucky to have landed this gig in July with the absolute best team of Renegades imaginable. I get to do what I love every single day surrounded by super supportive people who make me happy to be at work on Monday mornings (and every other morning as well). Like I've said before, I'm so glad the universe placed me here, it's definitely where I'm meant to be at this point in my life.

2. Yosemite

My family trip to Yosemite in August was one for the books. I love my family so, SO much and get-togethers with the entire extended clan are few and far between these days, so it was just wonderful to have everyone there at one of our favorite places on earth, spending some much needed time in the fresh air. I also got to cross "hike the panorama trail as an adult" off my bucket list. Biggest physical challenge of the year for sure, but so worth it. 8.5 miles of treacherous hiking really taught me a lot about what I'm capable of in my life, and also helped me clear my head about some personal things going on in my world at that time. It was a trip I will not be forgetting anytime soon and I wish we could do a vacation like that every year.

1. Coldplay

Duh, this was obviously my number one incredible moment of 2012. I haven't stopped talking about it since! Last Christmas my brother and I bought tickets to see Coldplay in Seattle and I anxiously counted down the days until I flew up there and we got to see our favorite band EVER live. And the concert was the most incredible production I've ever seen. Not even exaggerating, it was life-changing. I still can't put it into words. I wish I could re-live that night every day forever.

[Notable mention: Signing a lease at the Juhl with Leah (we move in February 1st!), Cory's 23rd birthday extravaganza in Vegas, and Muhammad Ali's birthday party.]

Cheers to at LEAST 10 incredible moments in 2013 for all of us. Looking so forward to sending this year off and seeing what this next year brings my way. 

2012? Over it.