ramblerambleramble

I don't really know what to write about at the moment but I feel like writing something so I'll ramble. It's my blog right? No one even reads it.

I had to take all these placement tests online for CU today. Completely frustrating and irritating and annoying and showed me just how far behind I am. I figure I'm either going to get placed in the wrong classes, aka ones I've already taken, or not get put in anything I need because of late enrollment. UGHHH.

I finished season 3 of Grey's Anatomy tonight with my mama. It was a painful ending. And now we are number 32 or something on the wait list for season 4 at the library. It's gonna be hard waiting for that one....Grey's has slowly become my summer obsession and basically my only friend. Sad and pathetic, I know.

Not looking forward to waking up tomorrow at an ungodly hour during the summer, but I need the money, and I am SO grateful for the job. So in that sense, I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to bring my laptop and some movies over and hopefully just relax and blog and listen to the rain. (Assuming it's still storming tomorrow. I hope it is.) I also need to get out. It's not healthy being cooped up here all day every day.

On to the next doctor TV show obsession until Grey's comes in....Scrubs. What is with me? Why didn't I become a doctor? HAHAHAH what a joke.

School neeeeeeds to start so I can have something practical to focus my energy on besides television.

nanny?

Yes, I believe so.
These are the boys I'll be babysitting. Precious little monsters.


I start tomorrow at 7:15 am (argggg). But I'll be makin that money.

sushi.

On weight watchers, I can basically have as much sushi as I want. There really is nothing like it.

I'm thinkin....caterpillar roll, in my belly.

Can't eeeeeven wait for dinner right now.

Yummmmm.

WW2.

WW2= Weight Watchers 2 (not world war 2...)

This is my second summer on Weight Watchers. I went to the first meeting with my mom this morning. It's hard starting from the beginning, but I feel very motivated right now. I want to look good and feel good, and I plan to.

I kept some of the weight I lost last summer off, but ya know, things happen and you lose sight of the goals you had. It's really nice to have a family member doing it with you to help you stay accountable. That's another reason I do this. Last summer I did it with my dad and we helped each other lose a LOT of weight. And now, it's me and my mama.

Goal one for week one: 5 pounds.
I know that's a lot for one week, but last year during week one I lost 3.5 and I wasn't even trying. I wasn't convinced. This year, I know better, and I plan on actually trying and working out and not cheating and I'm gonna do it.

It's time to get my summer bod back in shape, and looking good. Or at least looking up to my standards. It's NOT a diet, it's a lifestyle change. Wish me luck!

ugh.

Again with the school thing.
I am already sick and tired of being home.
There is nothing to do in this town except watch TV and rent movies.
And even when you rent movies, there's no one to watch them with except your frickin' cats.

Maybe my sheer boredom and knowledge that I have another 13.5 weeks until school starts is what is making this so unbearable right now.
And the fact that my only friends are either working 24/7, staying at school for the summer, or can only hang out once a week.
I need to either make some new friends or re-kindle the fire with some old ones because this is pathetic. I've been out of my house like 3 times since summer started.

COOLEY!

summer time, and the livin is easy.

I love summer. Even though a couple blogs ago I was saying how much I wanted to get back to school.
I've been laying out in the sun while watching Grey's Anatomy season 3 on my laptop and it feels gooooooood.
Now, if only I could have a job my summer would be set. I'm waiting for this guy to call me about being a nanny for his kids this summer. Idealllllllll.

Anyways, goodbye lovers. Back to Grey's.

Prop H8.

So this is where "Chelsea the Political Guru" comes out. Prop 8 in California (my home state) was upheld today. I will start by saying, this is not meant to offend whoever reads this. This is meant to voice my opinion, and if you don't agree with it, keep in mind that there are constructive ways to do so, that do not involve bashing, yelling, or starting a debate. This is NOT meant to turn into a battle of religions either. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is mine.

(It's sad that I have to start with that introduction, but in my best experience, there is no way to keep the peace other than to inoculate from the beginning.)

One of the most prominent issues in American politics in this day and age is the issue of Gay Marriage. People are HEAVILY influenced by what they think their religion tells them, and they form opinions based on petty arguments, and frankly have no backbone to support what they are trying to defend.

Let me blatantly state where I stand on this issue: PRO GAY MARRIAGE. Because I believe that everyone should have an EQUAL right to love.

I am a born and raised Catholic Christian. However, I made the decision to leave the Church a few years ago when they started pushing things on me that I didn't agree with and didn't believe in. Politics to be exact. There is a STRICT separation between church and state, and it is COMPLETELY ignored in this issue. The line that separates the two is so blurred that people actually think that the church should have a say this area. In reality, religion is a FREEDOM that we as Americans are granted the right to practice however we want. We are given the FREEDOM to believe what we want and act on them as we wish. It is NOT a requirement, and no matter what your religious beliefs are, you cannot deny that. So in my opinion, religion should not take part in anything politically.

So, why is it then, that we have the FREEDOM to practice religion as freely as we want, and there is an Establishment Clause in the United States Constitution that prohibits the establishment of a national religion, yet when it comes to getting married to the person you love that happens to be of the same sex, religion is the main argument?

I understand that the Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman, but people fail to acknowledge that NOT EVERYONE LIVES BY THE BIBLE. This is exactly why there is no national religion. No one is required to live by the Bible. So just because it may be what YOU believe in, doesn't mean that the person getting married believes in it too. And frankly it is not right to force this on people or expect this of anyone. And if you decide to use living by the Bible as your main argument, then you had better make sure you live EXACTLY by it with no flaws, and let he who is without sin cast the first friggen' stone.

On a related note, the Bible is a very old, old book that is BASED on the teachings of God. I took a religion class called "Understanding the Bible" and the entire class was based on the fact that the Bible has been re-written thousands of times because when it was being copied there was no printing press. Everyone was writing it by hand and had the freedom to change whatever they wished. This isn't to say the Bible is not valid, it is just meant to say that times have changed. The word of God may not have, but let's think about things people used to do during the time the Bible was crafted that have been outlawed in recent years because of how wrong we saw they were:

1. People were stoned to death in the Bible.
2. There were slaves in the Bible.
3. If you were poor, you could sell your sister for money.
4. Women were looked at as a man's lower, not his equal.

So while these things are not valid in society anymore, why should the issue of marriage be so stuck in it's ways? We forget that the whole point of marriage is about love (which is the ULTIMATE teaching of God). Two people joining together to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Making a life and a family, and loving each other enough to make the choice to spend the rest of it together. Why should this be denied to ANYONE?

Clearly it is about happiness, and love, and emotion, while people try to turn it into something it's not by saying things like "gay's are ruining the sanctity of marriage!" No. 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and THAT is what ruins the sanctity of marriage, not two innocent people joining their hands and vowing to love each other. Just because they are of the same sex does not mean marriage is any less valuable in society.

People like to say that you have a choice to be gay. Actually, it has been scientifically proven that you are born gay. It is not a choice. If it was, who would honestly choose a life where they were constantly ridiculed and judged and looked-down upon for who they love? No one that I can think of would WANT to be in that position. It is not a choice to be gay. You cannot help who you fall in love with and anyone who has been in love should know that first hand.

Come on people, why support hatred? It is not going to get you to Heaven any faster when you judge people and try to control their personal lives and look down upon them for who they love. There are so many important issues that we should be worrying out, so why is this EVEN an concern? There are rapes and murders and AIDS and starving children and poverty and we can't seem to get our noses out of people's love lives? Remember that Jesus is the most caring, loving, and forgiving person and I believe he would be extremely sad and disappointed at the way people treat the children that HE created PERFECTLY in his eyes. Let HIM be the judge, and you just live your life, and treat others with the same respect you would want. Love your brothers and sisters, and accept them. No one is perfect, but we should love and embrace them anyways, don't you think?

school?

I don't get it.....
While I'm in school, I hate it.
While I'm not...I wish I was?

I think I am just at the point where I have been away from home for 2 years, and being back for a few months is stressing me out. I actually am looking forward to going back to school. It's probably because I have a lot to look forward to. I'm starting anew at a new place!

This isn't like me, but I am excited to see what the future holds for me.

My brother and his girlfriend (wow that's weird to say...) are sitting at our dining room table studying for their chemistry final. Don't ask me why they are still in school when the high school's graduation was like a week ago. Anyways...I am kind of jealous of them.

OK WHO AM I. WHY DO I WISH I WAS IN SCHOOL RIGHT NOW.

Ok new subject. I need to not wish I was in school right now, because when I go back, I will wish I was on summer break.

I still need a job. And I still need a place to live next year. And it's Memorial Day and I am sitting on my couch blogging while my mom plays games on her computer and my brother studies.

It's raining.
Let's see. What would I be doing on a summer day if it wasn't raining:
-Laying out (which i have YET to do because of the weather)
-Going for a run (ok that's probably a stretch.)
-Going to the pool
-Going for a bike ride (I really would do that one...)

Maybe I want to be in school because it doesn't feel like summer yet. This weather is what I pray for during the school year. I think it's all related.

lakes vs. nuggs.

Who to choose??

Seriously. I go back and forth. Do I root for the team I was born and raised from birth on? Or do I root for the team that represents my home now?

I have heard many different answers to this question.
1. "Where do you live NOW, Chelsea?"
-Denver...
2. "NEVER change your allegiance"
-Lakers...
3. "Do you even watch basketball?"
-yes, fools.

So none of these questions are very helpful. Honestly, I am happy when either team wins. Sometimes I lean towards the Lakers, but when the Nuggets win, I'm happy too! Either way, I know I'm gonna get shit from someone!

Such difficulties in this life...I tell ya.

economic woes.....

I NEED A JOB!!!

Seriously people. I am becoming one of those people who has less than $200 to her name. And my parents are starting to put pressure on me to help out with my rent for next year. I know I have been given a lot in that my parents are paying for college and everything but for the most part, I pay for everything else. They have never bought me a tank of gas since I got my license 4 years ago. I have bought pretty much every piece of clothing I own (minus a few things I have gotten for Christmas and such) and every time I go out for lunch with a friend or to the movies I never ask them to pay. I would say I am doing a pretty good job so far, but if I don't get a job soon, I wont be able to do it for much longer.

PLUS, living in Boulder, CO is significantly more expensive than Lawrence, KS.

The other thing...I put off job searching which I know I shouldn't but I do because I get scared. I literally hate going into a place and asking them to hire me. For some reason it just freaks me out. And my last job in Kansas was AWFUL. I mean, TERRIBLE. The people were so horrible to me. It was like they were a family and I was the outsider and they didn't even care to let me in. So unlike my first job in CO. I loved that job so much. I swear if that restaurant hadn't closed down I would be working there again.

UGH I hate this economy. I really, really do.

HELP.

go greeeen.

There's something about spring cleaning that's really peaceful. You can breathe a huge sigh of relief after you get rid of the useless junk you thought you would one day need. Just last night I cleaned out my closet which I don't think I have EVER done at this house...and we have lived here for like 8 years.

I found old diaries that made me laugh hysterically, but they also brought back so many memories of my move to Colorado and how miserable I was. It's hard to accept things you thought would never happen but when you look back and are able to say "everything happens for a reason," it gives you a little bit of closure. Some things I still hope I will be able to say that about one day, but for now, we DID move to Colorado for a reason. If we hadn't moved here, I would never have advanced in diving, my brother would not have the best juvenile Diabetes facility in the country, and I would never have met people who have changed my life.

Back to spring cleaning. I feel good about doing it because I found so many things that I will never use or think twice about again that other people might. I have two enormous trash bags filled with clothes to donate to Good Will, 3 jackets to donate to Coats for Colorado in the winter, and several stuffed animals that could make some children who don't have any, very happy.

Here is where I stand on my soap box and promote recycling, and my "everything happens for a reason" philosophy. I don't throw things away so that one day when I DO realize I need to get rid of them, I also have the opportunity to GO GREEN and recycle them. Donating things to the poor is a really fulfilling form of recycling. It makes sure your old belongings go towards something useful instead of throwing them away. And, a really good upside to doing this is that you can claim donated clothes on your tax return and get more money in your tax refunds. So why wouldn't you?

I know. I just wrote a blog on recycling. But I just don't see how some people absolutely refuse to do it when it's so easy and goes towards a good purpose. Some people I know refuse to do it simply because they don't want to be known as a "tree-hugger" or a "hippie." It's all stupid excuses and has nothing to do with politics or your beliefs. In my opinion, it's mostly about morals. It can be really helpful to others in need, our world, and help you even save money. So come on people, GO GREEN! Do your spring cleaning and feel great all around.

NEEEEEEEEED A JOB.

seriously though. i need to get off my ass and start applying at places because i am going to end up owing a ton of money if i dont get a job soon.

ps. why is everything so damn expensive? i mean really. if the price of EVERYTHING was lowered, we would all have more money. so lets do it! ok great plan chelsea. thanks, i know im a genius.

apartment hunting.

I'm going tomorrow!
I'm worried all the good, clean, semi-inexpensive, close to campus places are gonna be taken :/

I'll keep my faithful 4 followers posted because I know you'll all be worrying.

john denver.

my mom and i just watched an old concert of john denver on tv so i dug into our cd collection and pulled out his greatest hits to put on my computer.

i absolutely love his music. his voice is so pure and soft and has no fake electronics added to it. all of his songs speak from his heart and his lyrics are just beautiful. no one writes songs like this anymore.

its so tragic that this world had to lose talent like his. my parents both got to see him in concert multiple times before he died (and one of his song's is there wedding song!).

if i ever got the opportunity to do professional recording again, i would love to make a cover album of all of his songs. they are all in my range and think about it, no one ever does his songs anymore. it would be so cool.

i hope thats not one of my life-long dreams that never comes true. i took recording for granted when i was a kid because i didnt know any better. all i saw was the long days standing in a studio with men who smelled like BO coming in every 5 seconds to correct the microphones. if i had a chance to do it all over again, i would make sure i never let it go.

so far so good.

sitting on my bed at home looking at the fat mess of shit i have to put somewhere else. how is it possible for me to have enough stuff to fill two bedrooms completely? and how is it that i never have anything to wear, and no place to put any of my clothes? sheesh!

it is good to be home though. i love sleeping in my own bed. even though its teeny weeny here, i like to burrow and it fits me perfectly.
random fact: i still sleep in the first bed i ever owned...

i think im going up on monday to look for a place to live in boulder. i hope i can find something not too expensive. for the last few days ive been kinda getting caught in my own head, most likely because of the sadness of leaving my girls in kansas, but now that i am home i have this urge to go up to boulder and see it again or something. im kind of excited. its going to be a new adventure and i really think im ready to take it on.

man i do NOT want to clean this room. its out of control.

also, i changed the layout of my blog like a week ago, and i dont really like it now. it looks so bland and plain and not me at all. i need something FUNNER. i dont know how to work this thing to make it my own other than to pick from the like 5 layout choices it gives you. HMPH.

oh yeah, and my fish babyyy survived the 8 hour drive in a water bottle in my cup-holder and is now happily swimming in her bowl. what a trooper.

i have so much to do. BLEH.
iiiiiii dont wanna work. i just wanna bang on the drum all dayyy.

well, this rant is over. peace out cub scout.

goodbyes

i just said goodbye to two very important people in my life.
and tomorrow i have to say goodbye to 4 more.

its gonna be rough. :(

one final left then an 8 hour drive back to colorado through this:

good thing ill have the bestie.

JILLBERT

as i typed the title, i said it aloud. jill, my best friend from Colorado replies "WHAT CHELSEA"

and that is our relationship in a nutshell.
ps. she just said to me "thats a damn good blog."
i like her. :)

2 down, 2 to go.

Well my first two finals are done. And thank god. I don't like having two tests in one day. in fact, i don't really like having two of anything in one day. but then again...who does.

Jill came today. It's always good to see her. and i definitely never thought i would see her in Kansas, that's for sure.

I break down when I think about leaving my girls. My room is getting more and more empty. We started packing my car a little bit, and the boxes and emptiness of the room I have lived in for the past year just makes me sad. I don't like that feeling of leaving with no return, ya know?

It's kinda sad not getting to have a college yearbook. I want the people I know to sign it so I can remember my life at KU when I'm telling my grandkids about my life. Not that I'll ever forget, but I like having little reminders.

observation: all the pictures in my room are of my life at home from high school. All the pictures in my new room in Boulder will be of these last two years.

*big sigh* <--that's all I seem to be doing lately. that, and staring at walls.

Ma.

*here again, procrastinating while i should be studying*

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.
I have an amazing mother. We don't always get along, but she is such a strong and determined person, and when it all comes down to it, she loves me and I love her.
PLUS: without her I wouldn't be alive....so obviously I'm gonna love her, DUH!

Not the best picture of us, but it's all I got right now. It works. And I still love her the same.

I am trying so very hard to not be stressed out about the overload of shit I have to do before and after I leave. But again, here I am procrastinating while trying to study for finals.

I would like my faithful 4 followers to see the beauty that is my life at this very moment in time.
I. am. a. hot. mess.
Thank you.

home stretch.

Here it comes.
I'm 2 days away from 2 finals.
3 days away from packing.
4 days away from finishing the semester.
5 days away from leaving.

I have a knot in my stomach just writing this.
Breathe, remember, it was my decision.
No one forced me to put change in my life.
I am stronger than I think.

I will miss these girls.

Last Days of School.

It's always a sad time of year for me. I get really attached to the classes I'm in for some reason. It's like, I get comfortable with my schedule and the people around me and then all in a day it's over. We have to re-start fresh after the summer (or I guess winter break too) and get used to everything all over again. Some of the people we stay friends with, some of them we never see again. Some of the teachers we will never see again, and maybe some we will have again. But for the most part, as soon as we fill out those evaluations at the end of the semester, its kinda sad.

I am tired of writing about sad things all the time. I have had a really hard semester with family deaths, transferring schools, and all the other stuff, but I really am proud of the way I have handled myself. I have brought my grades up so far despite all the troubles, and I have not let myself get behind in any aspects of my life. I surprised myself, but I also showed myself what I am capable of. And I think that's the next step. To have the confidence I need to make this big transition next year, and just KNOW that I am capable of success.

I am taking more pictures tonight with the girls from my class on the swim team, so I will be sure to post them afterward. It's just so bittersweet, ya know? I want to go home for summer, but I'm not really digging thinking about not coming back. I sure hope everything works out for the best.

Side note: I packed some of my closet last night...wow. It's so empty and sad looking.
Here's the girls on the team that I'll be taking more pics with tonight. Hopefully they will look better than this junk, and hopefully everyone will be there. We were missing Erin Mertz in this picture.

lee.

I feel like writing but I dont really have anything to say.
I guess I could fill you in on the drama that has been going on with my friends, but I really dont feel like talking about it.
I dont really have anything to say, I just felt like letting my fingers roam free for a few minutes.

sad.

my best friend here in kansas and my roommate as well just got a facebook. she has spent the entire day uploading all her pictures from this year and last year and tagged me in all of them. as i was scrolling through them, i got really, really sad thinking about how amazing the girls i live with are. i am going to miss them so so much and its really sad thinking that the memories we have made will be no more.
i know i made the decision, so i have no right to be upset because its what i wanted. i know its something i have to do, but at the same time, i am really going to miss them. and i AM sad. i wish i could take them with me.
and not only them, but now i have people telling me how sad this is and wanting to get together one last time before i leave and i want that, i really do, but its extremely heart wrenching thinking that it will be the last time i see some of these people, maybe ever. i hope not, but you never know. i am going to do my best to visit and everything, but itll never be the same and i know that.
i just hope that this was the absolute right decision for me, and i will find a place where i am happy like i know i should be. i think this is going to be it, but i guess ill have to wait to find out. in the mean time, in my last 2 weeks here....i am very very sad.

second to last weekend.

Its the last weekend I have here in Kansas with all 3 of my roommates. I'm pretty sad about it. I know I made the decision, but its the same as when I quit diving. I know its the right thing to do but I cant help but feel sad. I love these girls and the very last weekend I will be here, the twins will be in Hawaii for the weekend for a family thing and Krista and I will be studying for finals. Its coming up so fast, so we decided to take some pictures around campus for our memories. It was a really good idea. I have a few of them now, but Krista's dad has all the rest. I haven't even posted these on facebook yet because I wanted to wait until I have them all so here is the first exclusive look! oooh, you guys are the first, for those of you who read. And I doubt that's hardly anyone. Here's just a couple.