house sitting.

My parents and brother went to Seattle for the weekend to look at colleges. It's been weird not having them around the house.

I decided I don't like taking care of the animals all by myself. I feel guilty when I have to leave and put my dog in her kennel, one of my cats shits and pees all over the laundry room whenever he feels like it, and I feel like I am constantly letting them in and out and in and out of the house all damn day. GAH.

Plus, I don't dig being home alone. Especially to sleep. There's nothing to eat and I am so tempted to get fast food for every meal just to avoid cooking. Not a good idea on weight watchers. Noooo sirey.

MJ.

Michael Jackson currently holds 49 of the top 100 itunes downloads, and 9 of the top 10 albums on itunes. Talk about a legend.

I still feel like I am mourning the death of him. I feel like a family member died with my state of absolute melancholy-ness. I feel kind of numb, actually. Like a piece of me really did die along with him. He was so influential and inspirational. It just seems so surreal.

I know a lot of people keep mentioning that Farah Faucett's "thunder was stolen" when Michael Jackson died on the same day, but the way I see it...we all half expected her to leave us. She has had a rare form of cancer for years and had even been doing a documentary/biography on it, so we all knew it was only a matter of time, as harsh as that may sounds. MJ on the other hand....came out of no where. Maybe that's the reason it just doesn't feel real.

I have actually cried twice. And I am not one to cry much in movies or TV shows or even when a celebrity dies...I just don't always have the emotional capacity for tears at everything. But this...this was life altering to me. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I knew him? Or maybe it was just because of the shock, but either way I still feel completely and utterly in denial.

I find myself staring at walls and humming "You Are Not Alone" at random times. He was a truely amazing artist and to have such an impact on the world that everyone forgets about todays artists in order to put him back at the top says so much about his accomplishments and influence on the world. He truely will be missed. More than missed, if that's possible.

I have no doubts that his legendary status will live on, and I will have my children grow up the same way I did listening to his music from a young age. He will always be the King Of Pop, and I hope he is smiling down from heaven right now, realizing how much he truely did for the world and how much he impacted all of our lives. Whatever the autopsy results show, doesn't matter. He is in a happier place now where he can be whoever he wants to be, with no one to judge or stop him.

Rest In Peace, Michael. <3

Week 5=5lbs

Week 5 of my weight watchers was a success! I got my first 5 pounds and a gold star to show for it. I'm excited. I'm now halfway to my personal goal and 8 pounds away from the Weight Watchers goal which is pretty epic. It's starting to get better, easier, and more motivational.

Yipee!

The King of Pop.

"The King of Pop." A title you can never deny, and can never take away.
Michael Jackson is a legend. He changed music forever. MTV became what it is today because of him.
Think about this: Bad, Thriller, Billie Jean, Beat It, Smooth Criminal, The Way You Make Me Feel, All Night, You Are Not Alone, Man in the Mirror, Don't Stop Till You Get Enough, Rock With You
Not to Mention: I Want You Back, ABC, and I'll Be There
You call yourself a "fan" of music? Who do you think inspired most artists today? You think you're a fan of dancing? Who do you think coined one of the most famous dance moves of all time?

This is really heart-breaking and tragic to me. For those of you who don't know, I am going to basically just display the one secret about myself that I don't freely tell everyone. I sang with Michael Jackson when I was 5 years old on his "HIStory" album. Every time this is ever brought up, the first reactions I get are "did he touch you?" It drives me crazy. I met him. I went to Neverland ranch on a family invitation to a house party he had. He was an incredibly nice person. Yes, he may have had a weird obsession with children (probably because he was abused and never knew what it was like to be a child) but he never meant any harm by it. He never had bad intentions. I can say first hand that he did everything in his power to make sure I felt comfortable and never did anything weird to me. Can you at least try to think about where he is coming from? His childhood was ripped away from him. He never got to experience a normal childhood. He lived a sad life, and never fully felt like he belonged. So make fun of him all you want, because I'm sure you have no problems relating to his issues.

I think it's really pathetic that on the day this amazingly talented man dies, the first thing people turn to is the word "child molester" and "pedophile." Do the words "NOT GUILTY" mean anything to you? He was proclaimed not guilty and cleared of all accusations. So stop talking about it. It's over, it's not an argument anymore. So the next time you feel like bringing it up, don't. I've heard all the jokes. They really are just ignorant. I don't find them funny at all.

It's not funny, it's not cool to make fun of someone, regardless of who they are. Michael Jackson is the King of Pop so SHOW SOME RESPECT. You don't know him, you don't know what kind of person he was so shut your mouth if you have nothing nice to say. Haven't you ever noticed that only harsh drama gets put on the news? They would never report on what a great person he was because it wouldn't sell. Think about it. And how would you feel if you lived your life being a victim of the media, being constantly judged and made fun of, only to die and have the same things being said about you when you're gone? It doesn't matter that he had plastic surgerys and looked abnormal. It doesn't matter what color his skin is. Nothing matters, people. Get over the things you think about him and realize that he was an extremely talented man who changed the music industry forever.

Regardless of what everyone says and thinks about him, he was nice to me, nice to my family, and he changed my life by allowing me to work with him. He was a great man on many levels. I will never forget his kindness, or his music.

"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at YOURSELF and make a change."

pool time fun.

Not having a summer job and just relying on babysitting a few times a week was the best decision I ever made. Literally. I am making way more money doing this than I ever have at a "real" job, and on top of that, I am almost never bored.
As much as these little 5 year olds drive me crazy sometimes, other times they absolutely make my day. They remind me of myself at their age, actually. Obsessed with the water, taking swimming lessons, and daring to swim to the deep end all by themselves. They are water babies, like me. And now that I have experienced their love of the water, I am looking forward to even more pool days with them. They are so cute.

the dress.

My mom and I went dress shopping today for my cousin's wedding!
It's in September.
It's in New York.
It's going to be fab.

Anyways, I didn't really find anything that I was in LOVE with, except this one dress that I couldn't stop thinking about. But the way my mind works when I am about to buy something is just constant second guessing. I couldn't decide if it was worth the $140 for my mom to spend. So, finally after finding a 20% off coupon for Macy's in her purse, we decided to buy it. It's really cute and in style, knee length, but the wedding is an afternoon/evening kinda thing on the beach. The dress however, is dark blue and satin. So, I don't really know if it will fit the theme.

Anyways, when I got home, I looked it up online and lo and behold, there it is for ohhhh $55. Actually, it may or may not be the same dress. It looks the same, other than the color, but it looks shorter. I am totally rambling about this dress but, I can't decide if I should return it and order this other one online that is a different color, or just stick with the one I got today.

The website has the picture protected so I can't post it on here, but I know you all are dying to know what I decide to do, so I'll keep you updated. :)

UP

I finally saw UP this afternoon.
I literally started crying within the first 5 minutes and didn't stop until we left. It was just so heart-wrenching.
I think it especially hit home for me and my mom because my grandpa just died in January and it reminded us of him and my grandma and such.
I don't want to give away the movie to anyone who hasn't seen it yet, but it really is incredible and worth seeing. Disney doesn't usually make those really sad movies anymore like Bambi or The Fox and the Hound, but this one I would say was close, if not on, the same level as those.

Then there's this that a friend showed me to top it off:
http://www.ocregister.com/articles/pixar-up-movie-2468059-home-show

So very sad, but also bittersweet in a sense. Life is funny that way.

daddy <3

I adore my dad. I would be no one and nothing without him.
"As long as one and one is two, there will never be a daughter loves her father more than I love you." -Paul Simon

contemplating 20...

I just realized that in exactly one month my life as a teenager will be over.
No longer existent.
Dunzo.

I remember when I turned 10, I cried because I would never be "single digits" ever again. It sounds silly now, but at the time turning 10 and starting the climb into pre-teen-hood was scary to me. I waited until my exact minute of birth that night, hoping to feel some significant change, but there was nothing. It was like every other day.

Now, 10 years later, I don't think I'll cry for never being a teenager again, but I will be sad. It's been a long run. You're supposed to learn a lot in your teens. Find out who you are, where you want to be, who you want in your life. I still feel like I'm learning it all.

I'm not at the point where I am ready to claim full responsibility for being an adult, but even moreso than when I turned 18, 20 feels like the end. The end of a very long era. But also, the beginning of another one. THIS should be the time in my life when I peak. Learn who I am, where I'm going, what I'm doing.

I guess maybe I AM ready to move on. Or at least I have to be. I'm not a child anymore, and I never will be again. Doesn't mean I wont have fun and be youthful, doesn't mean I'm becoming old, just means I'm moving on to a different era in my life.

Most of my friends (or people my age that I graduated High School with) are already 20. Some even turning 21 while I am still a teenager! I know I'm one of the youngest. I should really take this last month and have fun with it. After all, it's my last month living as a teenager.

Epic Movie Summer.

Just saw "The Proposal" !!! I was so excited for that movie to come out so me and my mama and brother went this evening. It was super cute. Not like one of those movies that are thrown-together-for-summer-because-no-one-has-anything-to-do-but-go-see-movies-so-they-make-a-lot-of-money-even-though-they're-junk kinda movies. It was actually pretty good.

"Year One" on the other hand.....WAS one of those movies described above. It looked really funny and entertaining but it was just one of those movies that shows all the funny parts in the commercials and then you're kinda disappointed in the end. I wasn't surprised by any means, but a little disappointed, yes.

However, this summer is packed with movies. It is going to be epic. I absolutely cannot wait for Harry Potter 6 to come out. I was actually just saying to my mom how I haven't been that excited for it because I feel like they are slacking. They were supposed to release one book/movie per year until it was over and it has definitely been 2 years since book 5 came out. The actors are probably 20 now when they are supposed to be 16. So in that sense I guess I have high standards since they have definitely been taking their sweet ass time in filming and releasing.

Pretty sure I need to see these movies too:
-UP
-Bruno
-HP 6 (obviously)
-The Hangover
-My Sister's Keeper

I have actually realized and been more aware of this since I took 2 college level fiction classes, but I am a tough critic now that I can see through bad writing, unlikely settings, and horrible dialogue*. So, I hope each and every one of them lives up to my expectations.
*On that note, Stephanie Meyer, "Twilight" author, is not a very good writer. She has great ideas and tells a great story, but she must have had an AWESOME publicist because her dialogue sometimes is redonk! Love the books, but that has been on my mind lots since I started reading. NOTE TO WRITERS: DO NOT USE THE WORD "UM" EVER. IT MAKES YOU LOSE CREDIBILITY.

sketchadocious.

Sometimes I just get this really weird feeling.
Like really bad anxiety for no apparent reason.
I can feel it in my legs. Like it's burning.
And in my stomach.
I want to sleep the rest of today away for no reason at all.
I simply don't feel like being awake anymore.
I have nothing wrong, I just really want this day to end and tomorrow to begin.

Ps. I saw "Year One" today. I was really looking forward to that movie. It wasn't as great as I hoped it would be. Now I am not gonna lie, I'm a little disappointed.

WW week 3.

Well as we are well aware of, last week was less than amazing for me. Gaining back half of what you lost already makes the whole diet thing seem like a waste of time, energy, and money.

BUT, on a better note: I lost 2.6 this week! That actually is a lot for a weeks worth. So now I am a little over half way to my first 5 pounds which makes up for last weeks shitty-ness.

It must have been walking my dog and painting my 80million foot back yard fence with my brother and his friend, Drake. Hopefully next week will be just as good, or maybe to my surprise, better? Not going to get my hopes set too high, but I will keep working hard for that goal.

I want to look good for my trip to California, and also for my cousin's wedding in September! I'm in her bridal party so I want to look good for the many pictures that will take place that day.

In other news, I have one more chapter of Eclipse and then I'll read Breaking Dawn and then the Twilight saga will have ended for me :( but the good news is, New Moon is coming out in November which I can't even wait for.

That's about it, folks. Just trying to stay positive and happy this summer. :)

California.

The trip is official.
Thank you grandma for buying my plane ticket.
I cannot wait to get out of here and vacation in my home town of Newbury Park, CA.

ahhhh.

5 1/2 weeks to a much needed relaxation period.

Ya know those days when you just want to feel pretty?
That's how I feel.
I want to bask in the summer glow
listening to my ipod
while I paint on a canvas
in my backyard
wearing a bathing suit
with my sunglasses on
hearing my favorite songs
and forgetting about life for just a little while.

I want to feel....something.
I don't quite know what it is, but I want to feel it.
I want to be in the moment
knowing nothing but happiness and peace.

All that comes to mind right now
is the beach.
I want to lay on a towel and soak it all in
and not have to think,
just be there, in the moment
with good friends and the sunshine.

Weight Loss Journey continued...

Well, it was my third official weigh in at Weight Watchers this morning. Needless to say, I am not happy with how this is going right now.

Last year by this weigh in I had already lost 5 pounds and was as motivated as ever. This year, that's not the case. I didn't lose as much as I wanted and expected the first week, and now I have actually gained a pound back. So, in total, I have gained back half of what I've already lost.

I know it doesn't seem like one pound is a lot, but when you're losing a pound, it is a lot.

The thing that makes me the most upset about this is the fact that I actually did very well this week. I didn't cheat on my points, and even when presented with chances to cheat I didn't. When I went out to dinner with a friend, I suggested sushi because it's really low points, and I had lean cuisine's and double fiber everything. I even took my dog on a 45 minute walk last night. I knew I didn't feel like I had lost much, if anything, but I really wasn't expecting a gain.

When you gain instead of lose, your motivation goes out the window. It's because you feel like all the healthy food and excersize and lack of delicious things to eat has gone to waste. All I really want is a Royal Red Robin burger from Red Robin with a fatty fried egg on it, but I have resisted all in the name of losing these 10 pounds so I can look and feel good before I go to California and back to school. All the resisting seems like bullshit right now since apparently even eating what I'm supposed to makes me gain weight.

I know I don't have that much to lose, but the more I gain the more has to come off. If next week isn't better, I give up. skdjhflkjshdflkjbsadfkjhsdkjfhb <--that's how I feel right now.

tornadoes??

Ok, seriously. This is getting ridiculous.
It has been raining every single day since I've been home. And not only that but for the last 5 or 6 days in a row there has been at least one tornado warning.
A few days ago a tornado destroyed a mall about 5 miles from my house.
Right this second, I am sitting in my basement with my brother, my dog and my 2 cats listening to the weather channel repeat every 5 seconds that everyone in our county needs to be running for cover. They even referenced my specific neighborhood as highly dangerous!!
It's hailing golf ball sized ice, and I bet you my car that I bought with MY OWN MONEY that us quietly sitting in the driveway is going to have hail damage. How perfectly freaking amazing.
It's all the same. I thought I left tornado land behind me, but apparently not since I come home to it. I swear it's following me.

IS THIS BAD KARMA OR SOMETHING??

Good thing I didn't become a lifegaurd this summer or I would literally have not worked a single day because of all this god damn weather.
Such bullshit. At least in Colorado I have a basement and I don't have to hide in the bathroom.

Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine
is quite possibly the most romantic sounding song ever.

It makes me want to love and slow dance.

<3

home.

I am craving this/these people in Newbury Park, CA.

zzzz.

I've decided that it is not a good idea to stay up till 2 in the morning reading when you have to get up at 6:30 and babysit two 5 year old boys for 12 hours.

I am dead tired right now.
We went to the pool, to the chiropractor (for me lovely back that loves hurting me), and played outside for about 4 hours. On top of that, dealing with temper tantrums, going from hot weather to cold rainy weather, getting my head sunburned on my part, and running on about 4 hours of sleep........I think I could pass out. And it's only 8:12pm.

I officially have no life. The first step is admitting it.

I am now going to curl into a ball with a heating pad on my asshole-of-a-back, begin reading, and most likely fall asleep within the hour.

By the way, I finished New Moon today. Not that anyone really cares all that much about my sad reading list, but I am now on the third book in the Twilight series, Eclipse. On my 4th book this summer. This is the most I have read in years. :/

Back to the hooligans tomorrow even earlier if that is humanly possible. And then again on Friday. Oh, and that's forgetting to mention Thursday when I will most likely be babysitting for my neighbors who still pay $5 an hour. I feel like I'm in high school again. The only perk to my summer career as a nanny is that I don't have to pay taxes. WOO!

It's the little things that count.

*sigh*

I wish it was July, already.
Or at least the end of June.
The end of June should be alright,
but the beginning-middle is pretty lame right now.
July on the other hand:
Death cab for Cutie concert,
Harry Potter 6 premier,
California crew comes to visit,
My roaring 20's begin,
I visit California.

So far, I am not too crazy about this summer, I wish it would speed up already because this massive hole I've burned in the couch and the crazy amount of books I'm whipping through is ridiculous.

update.

Week one of Weight Watchers was not as successful as the standards I had set for myself. I should have known better, I was just so excited and motivated about getting back on it. I didn't do bad or anything, I'm down 2.6 pounds my first week which is actually pretty good in the weight watchers world. On a normal week, 2.6 pounds is actually a lot. So maybe I'll do better or the same for next week.

On another note, I think I'll be heading back to my hometown of Newbury Park, California at the end of July! I am really excited. Normally at this time of year I start craving the ocean and my family and friends and the sun and oh boy could I use some of that right now. It's all I can do to not think about getting out of this town for a while.

My apartment in Boulder is all set. The lease is signed and I'll move in on August 1st. Or at least start paying rent that day. The actual start date of school isn't until the 24th. Until then, I'll keep thrift store/garage sale shopping for awesome things for my new pad. So far I have gotten the following items for great deals:

-A wooden coffee table
-A small cute, adorable, little coffee maker
-A toaster
-A George Foreman Grill (yessss)
-An assortment of silverware, bowls, and cups
-A crock pot

Keeping my eyes out for more treasures. I still need a love-seat of some sort, a bed, a dresser, and some other random items like a dvd player and a microwave.

On top of all this, I have been quite lonely lately. Really to the point where I feel helplessly worn down and sad. Maybe it's the romance novels. Maybe its the actual fact that I am reading of all things, out of boredom. Maybe I'm really just getting to the point where I am sick of being alone. Maybe I need to start making some changes....my least favorite thing to do.

Anyways, as I'm waiting for my rented i-tunes download to finish, I am rambling. I guess I'll get back to reading. I finished Twilight this morning and now I am head first into New Moon.

Good night blog-o-sphere and anyone who happens, out of chance, to (still) be reading.

American Idol?

I'm considering trying out. The only thing holding me back is that I'm transferring schools, and if by some chance I did well and made it, I would have to take some time off my brand new school, which would be kind of weird considering I haven't even started it yet?

My mom thinks I should go for it and then worry about the school situation.

I just do not know! Should I go for it or try next time? ;lkzdjxgfnfk

...

I'm tired of being alone all the freaking time.

Here I go again, watching another movie by myself.

Cool.

Twilight.

Ok so I gave in. I'm reading the Twilight books.
Yes, I know. I have conformed to the mass outrage of teenage girls drooling over a vampire romance novel and wishing they had an Edward Cullen to save them.
Well, I'm not obsessed. The movie was good, and the 1st book is pretty good too, but that doesn't mean I'm a crazed Bella Swan-wannabe.

I started thinking about WHY girls get so sucked in. It's because Edward takes care of her and makes her feel like she's the only thing worth living for. Who cares if he's a vampire, he treats her like a princess. Who wouldn't want that? Sheesh.

Anyways, the only reason I'm reading these now is because of my babysitting job. I absolutely cannot stand to sit on the couch all day with 5 year olds watching Dora the Explorer and Spongebob Square Pants all day. I mean, love the kids to death, but I don't do 5 year old TV. It's much better to read something interesting than listen to that. (ps. they watched an episode of Barney, and I won't lie...I def have seen it before. When I was their age. And, I remembered it.)

This is the first time I have read for pleasure in a long time. First I read My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult, and it was bomb. Now I'm reading the Twilight series. Next stop: Harry Potter #7 (which I started reading the day it came out, and never got around to finishing).

Why am I all into reading you may ask? I find that when I'm actually interested in what I'm reading, and I'm not forced and have no time limit on finishing (aka, school) I actually can enjoy it. It's like getting sucked out of reality for a while and that's kinda nice. Especially when you are bored or sad or whatever, it kinda helps you escape in a way, or forget. Much better than drinking I would say. HA.

Well, I thought this (^ ^) was funny. I swear I'm not obsessed. It's just plain funny.