Hump Day Pep Talk: Round 2

[Sometimes you just need one.]

I've been having a pretty good week so far - I've been very productive and checking lots of things off my ever growing to-do list which feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. I've been sailing through my classes, staying ahead of my schedule, and even getting adequate amounts of sleep. But there's also been this underlying anxious feeling I've had for about a week now that's taking over everything else and making it hard to be proud of my accomplishments or happy with the good.

I woke up this morning with a headache and the aftermath of a nightmare and suddenly everything positive from the week is ruined. I can't get out of bed, I can't move fast enough to get out the door on time, and my anxiety starts building as my head races with all the things I have to do today that now I clearly won't get done because of this headache that's now officially a migraine. I sit down for 5 minutes to check my facebook and am instantly bombarded with things I don't want to see, have notifications from people I don't want to talk to, and consider deleting it again and shutting my phone off for a few days. Even though I know I won't.

After slamming my computer shut, probably breaking it more than it already is, I started thinking about what exactly has had me so anxious lately. And to be honest, most of these things are completely justified. I'm frantically searching for summer internships, enrolling for my last semester of college that's turning out to be a joke, I've been missing Brianna a lot more than usual lately - missing several people more than usual actually which has had me feeling a bit empty, I have 2 big tests with never ending study guides coming up, 3 major papers to write, and the dreaded thought of graduating in 8 months has me more sick about life right now than anything else.

Sometimes it's hard to enjoy the awesome things when all you can think about is the worry and the stress and the utter sadness you sometimes feel. It's hard to constantly remind yourself that this is supposed to be the best time of your life, and that it's going to be over before you know it. It's all hard, but I want so badly to just spend these last few months having fun and making memories with people I love. But instead I sometimes find myself living in this dream world where half of the things that have happened in my life didn't really happen, or imagining that I was different, or that time was just standing still for five god damn minutes. It doesn't do me any good to not accept the reality of where I am, it just makes it worse. I have to constantly remind myself:

I am stronger than I think.

And when I feel like I don't have the energy to deal with the world around me and I feel like shutting down and retreating into the all-to-easy state of sleeping and forgetting about everything and everyone around me, I have to remind myself:

I am stronger than this.

It's a crazy roller coaster of highs and lows leading up to such uncertainty. But I am strong. I know in my heart that I am going to be fine. Whatever happens. I'll be just fine. I'm fine. Really. And tomorrow will be better.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

I am so devastated that Kansas just got eliminated from the national tournament!

I was really confident that they could win it all (again) this year
and make me so happy to be a KU alum.
It would have been so amazing to have them win my freshman AND senior years.

But, since I'm left drowning in my own sorrows right now,
I'm going to re-live when they won in 2008.
One of my favorite memories and best nights of my life.

[rushing Allen Fieldhouse]

[Happiest girls in the world :) ]

Even though I'm really sad right now,
I'm still proud to have been a Jayhawk athlete and student for two years.
Rock Chalk Forever.

Saturday Sweetness

[3/26/11]

I missed my Friday post because I was unusually busy yesterday, so here is my attempt at making it up today. This is the last weekend of break and I'm getting majorly bummed! Of course I try to convince myself that 5 weeks is not that long and it's going to fly by and be summer before I know it...but I wish it would go faster because I am so NOT ready to go back to school tomorrow!

1. Song: Because this song reminds me of summer and I want to be there right now.



2. Quote: "I know for sure that in every challenging experience there's an opportunity to grow, enhance your life or learn something invaluable about yourself." — Oprah

3. 5 things I learned this week:
-Someone will always come to look at your house that's for sale the second you lay down for a nap. Always.
-Storing things under your bed for safe keeping is a bad idea when your apartment floods.
-Anne Hathaway is growing on me.
-Skinny Jeans are growing on me. Only slightly though.
-The movie "Horton Hears a Who" is going to be the topic of a rhetorical analysis paper and I'm actually excited to write it now.

4. Picture: I'm missing everything about this picture. Family, friends, SUMMER. I can't believe I'm already closer to turning 22 than I am to my epic 21st bday. If that makes sense...


5. A takeaway: Never take little things in life for granted. Little things that make you happy, like staying in for a night and watching a movie, or indulging in something you want. Life's too short, ya know? I'm still learning to take risks and say yes to more things and although it's been giving me mad anxiety lately, I've had some pretty good experiences and no regrets. Sometimes doing things the hard way in order to have some fun and live a little is worth it. Even if that means using the last 3 days if spring break to drive all over the state of Colorado to visit friends and family. I hope your breaks were awesome and that you took some risks, relaxed, and used your time off for things that make you happy.

Enjoy the last of it, folks!

A slight ramble.

You don't ALWAYS have to have something to write about, do you?
I mean, sometimes it's ok to ramble, right?
Here goes:

1. There was a huge fire in Parker today. Not really near me but close enough that I could see it and lots of people I know were close. I don't understand why all these things happen but right now it seems like the whole world is getting turned upside down and falling apart. Why is this?

2. I'm about to watch "Love and Other Drugs." I'm not the biggest Anne Hathaway fan, but Jake Gyllenhaal....lets just say he can rock my laptop computer screen anytime he wants. I've been wanting to see if for a while now. I didn't make as much of a dent in my "movies to see" list this break as I would have liked, but "127 Hours" was AMAZING. I would definitely recommend seeing it if you're looking for something to watch. Very artsy.

3. My dad is home. I'm super happy to see him. He's been helping me so much lately and I just don't know what I'd do without him!

4. Apartment flood is under control. Carpets are dry, bed spread is washed (but stained from the water), but all the old school papers and tests and notes I had stored under my bed for safe keeping are destroyed and a library book I had checked out for one of my classes is also destroyed. It could have been a LOT worse, so I'm thankful I got the least of the accident.

5. SB is now OFFICIALLY almost over and I have some goals starting when I get back to school. They basically consisut of working out and getting back in shape for the start of summer. Hold me accountable.

Good night, lovely people.

SB Halfway Mark

I realized today that spring break is halfway over which is SAD. It always goes by super fast. But the good news is, there's only like 5 more weeks of school when we get back and then it's SUMMER. Sweet, sweet summer how I cannot wait to wrap my arms around you.

So far I have done a lot of sleeping, movie watching, shopping with my mom - oh and my apartment flooded which was just an awesome surprise. But I did get to see Erin and Taylor ('cause we're the three best friends that anyone could have) and for the record...Boulder is dead on Monday night during spring break. But we still had fun and I sure do love 'em!

Hope your SB is going fabulously :)

[Ps. I applied for an internship in Vegas for the summer...I want it SO bad. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!]

Talupa

[My good friend Tanya is leaving me tomorrow for 5 full months to join the Army Reserves. I am so sad to see her go because she is such a light in my life, but I am so proud of her for taking this leap and not backing down, even when some people might disagree. Ahem.]

Just kidding, Tanya. You know I love you and support you fully. I'm just sad to be losing you for such a long time. I mean, who am I going to text when I start a new TV show? Or when I see Kyra and that other girl whose name I can never remember in a random bathroom on campus? You're the only one I know who appreciates those little things. And you're one of the only people I can talk politics with without judgment and with complete agreement. Oh man, I'll miss that part a LOT.

I know you're going to be great and you'll probably really like it and 5 months will fly by faster than you came up with the name "Chelsea Chalupa." But I'll be sending you letters with the song I'm listening to as the title and sadly, no candy no matter how much you may beg. I love you and I'm going to miss you a lot. And I'll write lots of blog posts for you to read when you get back. I'll be expecting a letter real soon updating me on everything (literally, everything).

Sorry this is the only picture I have of us...we'll take a better one when you get back (so hurry because it's pretty bad).

Thanks for sitting next to me one day in Digital Poetry.
You've become one of my best friends.

Friday Love

[3/18/11]

Spring Break starts today!! Last spring break ever. I wonder what it will be like to be forced to power through the entire spring season next year without a week off to regain composure. Ew... that just sounds horrible. Time to enjoy this last SB while it lasts.

1. A song: I heard this song in the car this week and I forgot how frickin amazing it is. Like, seriously. Just listen and reminisce.


2. A Quote: “There comes a time in life when you have to let go of the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and solely focus on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.” (I don't know who said this, but I really enjoy it.)

3. 5 things I learned this week:
-Rebecca Black's song "Friday" is not bad enough or ridiculous enough for people to be talking about it as much as they are.
-St. Patty's day is overrated.
-I blow the majority of my money on food.
-Some people are really gullible when they receive an obvious spam email.
-It's Lent and I forgot to give something up. Oops.

4. A Picture: Brother's coming home tomorrow :)


5. A Takeaway: I realized something this week. Last year at this exact time I felt like I was dying (figuratively, and not dramatically). I was so tired and burnt out from school, I needed spring break more than I've ever needed a break in my life, and when it came time I literally stayed on my couch for 10 days and never saw sunlight. It was actually quite nice if I remember correctly, but not really something to be overly excited about. Anyways, my point is that this year I feel so different. Yeah, I could use a break but I'm not dying or hoping to lay on the couch and sleep and eat all week. I'm actually excited to use my time off to have a little fun - while still getting in way too much sleep, obviously. So my plan for the week is to see and catch up with some friends and my brother, possibly open a REAL book (who am I kidding?), and just enjoy my LAST spring break ever. It's not going to Mexico, but I'm going to make it great.

Mid-week reminder.

There's usually one postsecret every week that resonates with me. There was actually a couple this week, but this one is a really good reminder for everyone.

[Remember to appreciate all the awesomely good things about life!]

I hope your week is wonderful so far.
It's about 75 degrees here (heaven)
and only one more day of classes for me until Spring Break!
So ready for some relaxation & a Harry Potter book.
(But which one will I re-read?!)

300th Post.

300.

300 posts! Can you even believe it?

It's so funny for me to look back to when I first started this blog. I was in an entirely different place in life, had a completely different writing style, and only one follower for about a year. I started this blog for the sole reason that I needed an outlet for myself. I was going through a tough time at school in Kansas, we were right in the middle of a heated presidential election, and I was pretty much using it to rant and vent all the time. I suppose it was like a make-shift best friend for a while until I realized how much I actually liked writing in it. It sort of helped me discover this untapped passion of mine and I just took off with it. Sometimes, when I look back at older posts I wonder why in the world I wrote those things or why my punctuation was so bad, or why I put certain things out there when there was a very good possibility the person I was ranting about would someday be able to read it. But I have no regrets. This little blog of mine has grown into something I am quite proud of and it really, really warms my heart when people take the time to read it.

300 posts ago I was a different person, going through different things, facing different challenges, and not really knowing which way to go. But this journey through my college years has been quite the roller coaster so far, and I love that this blog has been a constant for me through it all. I wonder where I will be when I hit 400 posts. Probably at a completely new stage, maybe done with college and onto the next chapter. But wherever I may be, I'll love having this to look back on to keep myself grounded. At 300, I'm here, sitting on my bed in my apartment in Boulder, thinking about summer internships and where I'll go after I graduate in December. The Chelsea of 300 is content with her choices and has every reason to be optimistic about the future.

So again, thank you for reading this little blog of mine and making me overly excited to reach this milestone. If you're reading this, you are loved.
xo

Five for Friday

[3/11/11]

I can't believe it's already the weekend again! This week was stressful to the max but it completely flew by. Just one more week and I'll be relaxing in sweats on the couch for spring break, catching up on sleep and not thinking about school whatsoever. But, until then....

1. Song of the Week: Totally feeling this song during my daydreams of summer.



2. Quote of the week: "I don't believe in guilt, I believe in living on impulse as long as you never intentionally hurt another person, and don't judge people in your life. I think you should live completely free." -Angelina Jolie

3. 5 things I learned this week:
-Charlie Sheen really annoys me.
-Tickets to see a Broadway show in Denver are outrageously priced.
-Weeds is a fantastic TV show (just started watching it...already addicted).
-I probably hate the wind more than any other type of weather.
-When I was a girl scout, I totally took the cookies for granted. They're a godsend.

4. A Picture: I am SO excited to see my friend Katie this weekend!

5. A Takeaway: I'm sure most of you have heard about the giant earthquake in Japan by now. I woke up at 3:45 am, read the news on my phone, and immediately panicked. When I was about 5 years old, my family hosted a foreign exchange student from Japan who lived with us for a while, and then stayed in the US for a few years before moving back to Japan. She is 100% part of our family, which makes her my sister. Luckily, she is safe which I was able to find out immediately on twitter last night. Moral of the story, social networking is a miracle in this day and age and I don't know what we would do without it. The world is a crazy, scary, place filled with uncertainty and the means of communication we have nowadays is something we shouldn't take for granted. Being able to talk to someone who is across the world at a moments notice is just an incredible thing. I appreciate it so much.

Have a wonderful weekend, friends!

For You.

Everyone deserves to be reminded:

I want to post these around campus.
[via tumblr: heartistoblame]

Daydreaming

Can't we just skip through March?

I've been daydreaming all day about summer. Full blown, sitting in class gazing off into the horizon, imagining laying by the pool or riding my bike around in shorts or even just walking outside without a jacket on. And then came going to California, having a bonfire, wearing new sunglasses, reading books for fun, visiting family, having motivation to leave the house, driving with the windows rolled down, letting my hair blow around in the wind, blasting music. Hot tubs, swimming pools, laying on the beach, swimming in the ocean, getting sunburned, the smell of aloe vera gel and waking up with a tan. Doesn't it just sound glorious?

But back in reality, it snowed this morning. And I must stop teasing myself because it really is only March.

But oh how I would love to be back in this picture right now.

[3 more to 300!]

Milestone, Memories, Monday.

GUYS! I just realized something amazing.
Only 4 more posts (after this one) until my 300th post!
Can you believe it?!

I suppose I'll have to come up with a special way to celebrate this milestone of blogging.

In the mean time, some weekend reminiscing is in order.
On Saturday I got to visit some dear friends in Greeley for a birthday dinner!
These are some seriously amazing girls and I am so lucky to have them in my life.
I don't see them NEARLY enough, so it was great to spend some time catching up and making memories.

[Amburli, Larissa, Me]

It's a cold, cold Monday here in Boulder,
but I'm perfectly content cuddled up in my bed,
blogging, and dreaming about spring break in just 2 short weeks!

Let the countdown(s) begin!
xo

Five For Friday

[3/4/11]

This week FLEW by. If this is how the whole month is going to be then it'll be APRIL in no time and SUMMER before we know it! (wishful thinking & fingers crossed.) It's just crazy how fast time seems to pass when you wish it would slow down, and how slow it seems to go when you need it to speed up! But, here we are, first week in March and this month will be full of great things, I just know it.

1. Song of the week: "Who's that Chick?" by David Guetta & Rihanna. If you feel like dancing. Which I do.


2. Quote of the week: "There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, then that's just fabulous."- Sarah Jessica Parker

3. 5 things I learned this week:
-Giving money to a homeless man that looks really sweet can be a terrifying experience.
-Going in to talk with a teacher can be very rewarding.
-My favorite KU alum, Paul Rudd was in Romeo and Juliet?? Never realized that before. (watched it last night...one of my favorite movies ever - the LEO version, that is.)
-Britney Spears' 2nd single is WAY better than her first.. total redemption.
-I'm probably going to cry when Jillian Michaels leaves the Biggest Loser.

4. A Picture/Memory: This is one of my favorite memories because it was one of the happiest days of my life. Cory, Me, and Kirby woke up at 5:00 in the morning to drive to Disneyland, spent the entire day there from open to close, and ran around the park singing classic Disney songs and riding every single ride all day long. By the end of the day we were like little children having a sugar crash as we could barely keep our eyes open on the drive home. It was one of those days you wish you could repeat a million times because it was so special.


5. A takeaway: I leave this week behind feeling grateful. I usually really hate spring semester because it drags on and on without any days off until spring break, it's freezing, and all around miserable. But this time around (and my very last spring semester ever, I might add) something is different. The weather is nicer, it's going by faster, and I'm enjoying it more than usual. Maybe it's a change in attitude or maybe the atmosphere but whatever it is, I'm grateful that I get to experience one last spring in Boulder - and it's turning out to be beautiful. Reminding myself everyday to not take time for granted and to enjoy every stage of where I'm at in life.

Have a good, happy weekend loves. You deserve it.

The Little Things.

I just came across this blog called "Little Things"and I think it's such a great idea. I'm always looking for new ways to be thankful and happy and this ongoing list reminds you to stop and appreciate all the wonderful little things in life that go unnoticed. So cute :)

This was the perfect reminder for me
to appreciate how beautiful it's been in Boulder lately.


[via tumblr: littlethings]

Resolution Follow Up

[I just realized I'm down to 9 months until graduation - I keep calling it my last year, but really it's down to my last few months now! So, seeing as how it's March 1st and we are officially 3 months into the new year, I thought it was time for a follow up to my new years resolutions post. I was very serious about fulfilling my resolutions and making this year great. And in the short time that 3 months is, I feel like I'm on my way.]

[image]

First and foremost, I wanted to work on becoming a better version of myself this year. In my resolutions post, I didn't really elaborate on what that meant to me. But in my mind, that meant finding some sort of self empowerment and being far less passive aggressive in my life. So far, I have surprisingly managed to make both of those things a priority. It's so easy to retreat back into what feels natural (that being passive aggressiveness) but I have really been reminding myself every single day that that is not who I want to be. I have already been put in numerous situations where I have had the chance to retreat, not stand up for myself, let another situation blow over instead of handling it up front...but I've really begun to realize that standing up for myself, demanding respect from friends and peers and teachers, has really made me feel like a whole new person. I've been dealing with things that normally I would let go out of fear of confrontation and I think it's made me a more empowered person, and has strengthened my sense of self worth. Of course, I still have a long way to go in bettering myself as a whole, but in 3 months I feel like that's a pretty good start. And I plan on continuing.

Another part of my resolution was putting myself out there more. I wanted to say yes to more things, have more experiences, take more chances. I think I've definitely started to come out of my shell in this department. I've been meeting new people, getting closer to people who were just classmates before, applying for jobs on a whim, using time that I would otherwise be sleeping to put more effort into things, and I've even said yes to some situations that would have been really easy to make an excuse for. Of course there are still times when I feel scared or don't really feel like putting myself out there but overall I think I'm making this last year of college something to be proud of. It's a start, that's for sure. There's still so many people I say I want to hang out with but then never manage to make it happen - and that's something I intend to change. I don't want to let these friendships pass me by, and in the 9 months I have left, I want to make YOU a bigger part of my life.

I also wanted to write more this year. And I have been. A lot. At this time last year I had written in my blog 21 times. This year, this will be my 21st post BUT accompanied with another blog for social issues, a Tumblr that I've been getting more and more into, and a hand written journal that I've been writing in during times of passion for something big. It's becoming more of a daily outlet for me than just a casual post here and there. It's becoming even more important than it was to me before. Since the start of the year I have acquired 5 new followers WHICH I'm thrilled about (because 5 is a lot for me!). Whenever I get a new one it makes me the happiest little blogger in the world. The support I have from you all means more to me than I can say, and it encourages me to keep writing (and even if you're not a "follower" but still read this, I appreciate you just as much). All 31 of you, I cherish more than if I had 9385907 followers, so I thank you for reading and being in my life in more ways than one.

There's definitely some things I haven't done, because I'm not perfect and I would never pretend to be. I haven't gotten back into working out. I've been walking to school almost every day though, which is a lot more exercise than I was getting last semester. I'm still overwhelmingly scared of change and what's in store for my future. Somehow I'm not sure I'll ever fully embrace change the way I wish I could, but I take it as it comes and deal with it as best I can. Not too much has changed around me since the start of the year, but I know it's on its way and it's time to prepare myself.

In the next few months, my goals are to continue this journey of self empowerment, continue to write more and more, actually SEE and make time for people in my life whose friendships I care so much about, focus on finding a summer internship, and continue saying YES and taking risks. Call it a March Resolution, but I'm continuing on this path until I reach every ounce of happiness I can muster!

[Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for being there, listening, reading, holding me accountable, and supporting me through my ups and downs. 9 months left of this crazy ride, and I'm going to continue to make them count.]
xo