Resolutions.

Farewell, 2010. A much better year than 2009
and a year that ends with hope and many promises for the next.

At the end of each year, everyone makes resolutions, most of which go unkept . The idea of becoming a “new person” or starting over at the beginning of the year seems like such a great idea at the time, but it usually doesn’t last past January. This year, for me, I don’t want to change who I am as a person, or start anew, I just want to make a few changes in my life and focus on myself. I want to be a better version of myself.

I’m beginning to realize that I have exactly one year left of college before I graduate and move into the “real world.” Have I spent the last 3 ½ years living this experience to the fullest? Have I put myself out there and experienced new life-changing things that play a part in shaping who I am? I don’t think so. Not that I haven’t had some really important experiences or challenges that have changed me, but I don’t think I have taken a ton of risks or had as many experiences as everyone portrays college as holding. Sure, my journey has been anything but traditional with a year as a student-athlete and a transfer of schools, but I didn’t study abroad, I didn’t join a sorority or any interesting clubs or have a job or make millions of new friends that I’ll always keep in contact with (and that’s not to say I haven’t met some really great people that will always be my friends, either). I just feel like I may have taken more time than the average college student to come out of my shell and make it count. So part one of my New Year’s resolution is about taking chances. I want to say yes to more things, put myself out there, meet people, go places, and enjoy my last year of school. At this time next year, I’ll be going through some intense changes and probably wishing I had another year to postpone the inevitable, but if I start to open myself up now my hope is that I’ll be open to so many incredible possibilities for the future.

Part two of my New Year’s resolution is to write more. Writing is the one thing I can lean on for everything. It gets me through everything and makes me feel creative. But I want to expand my writing. I want to find things that inspire me and use them to write in more ways, through more mediums. I want to build up my blog while still writing for myself. I want to share more and get better and make it a bigger part of my daily life.

Part three is about happiness. I want to find a level of happiness that I haven’t known in a long time. I want to feel better about myself and put my worth at a higher level. I want to get back into working out so I can feel healthier and have a sense of accomplishment every day. I want to be a more positive person and not let negativity get the best of me. I want to stop being passive about things and stand up for myself more. I want to be more honest with myself about things and be more honest with others. I want to do things that make me happy and to find comfort in being out of my element while learning to be ok with change.

Most of all, I want to use my last year of college to grow as a person. I want to take risks, do things I haven’t done, write more, find happiness, and prepare myself for the changes ahead. I’m going to make these things a priority in my life this year by reminding myself every day. I’m not going to let myself stray because now is the time. Now is the time to be the best version of myself before I leave this chapter of my life behind and start an entirely new journey somewhere else.

So, I welcome 2011 with open arms
and hope to make it one of the best and most memorable years of my life this far.

Happy New Year.

I'll set the world on fire.

I'm usually looking for some form of inspiration in my life, and I have definitely rediscovered something that inspires me so deeply. Josiah Leming is an absolutely incredible artist and his music speaks right to my soul. Every time I hear one of his songs or see a video of him I am just struck at how passionate he is. You can hear it all the way from his voice to his fingertips. He makes me want to write and sing - yet all I can do is stare and listen. I've liked his music for a long time now after being turned onto him by a friend a few years back, but recently it started hitting me in the heart again and I can't not share.

This is the first song I ever heard of his, and he blows my mind in this video. At the moment, his song "Angels Undercover" is inspiring me beyond words (though the video for it was disabled on youtube, so I'm sharing this one instead). I can't describe it, but I'm hearing something that makes me want to do big things.

The Christmas Wrap-Up & Recap

[The Christmas Anti-Climax has begun.....]

All the build up to the holiday season is slowly coming to an end. I must say, with as much drama and craziness my family holds, I still enjoy every second of spending the holidays with them. We don't all get to spend it with each other every year, so when we do it's really awesome. Things change, people get married or move, so being able to spend Christmas together is really happy.

After Christmas dinner, my Uncle Mark brings out his guitar and we all sit around and sing songs - James Taylor, Fleetwood Mac, The Eagles...anything you can imagine. It's something we have been doing since I was a little kid, so my family of singers always looks forward to it.


And of course, my Grandma had to get a few pictures of all the grand kids because this is the first time in years that all 7 of us were together for Christmas.

[From left to right: Chad, me, Connor, Ashley, Sara - and in front Kyla and Brianna]

I didn't take as many pictures this year, or get to see as many people as I usually do, but it was a great Christmas and I realized over and over again - as I do every time I'm with my family - how appreciative I am to have them in my life. This next year is going to be filled with more changes than I can possibly stand to bear, but I know I will always have them by my side.

I hope you all had a very happy Christmas filled with love and laughter.

Merry Christmas!

The day has finally arrived!

Merry Christmas
I hope you all have a magical holiday.

I conclude the Christmas Countdown with a few festive things.

1. The Yule Log.



2. Merry Christmas from Michael Scott.



3. A Christmas Message for you.

Countdown to Christmas: 2 days!

[So close, people!]

Seasons greetings from southern California! I love spending the holidays here. My family is slowly trickling in from all over and I love getting to spend time with each and every one of them. The last few days have been spent hanging out with my uncles Prescott and Paul and lots of laughs. Tonight, after dinner we went to the store and found these amazing Santa hats that play music, light up, and dance around on your head (it was a lot more hilarious after a couple margaritas). We were just cracking up at how awesome/ridiculous they looked. I love having these little moments with my crazy family. This is what the holidays are about!

Countdown to Christmas: 5 days!!

[It's the home stretch, people!]

Today my family and I are leaving for our annual Christmas trip to California to spend the holidays with our extended family. It's what I look forward to most about Christmas. Usually when I tell people this, I get some rendition of "sucks to be you, now you'll have no chance for a white Christmas!" But, I've spent nearly every single Christmas since I was born in California, so a sunny Christmas is just fine with me!

So, speaking of white Christmas's, I leave you today with a scene from one of my favorite Christmas movies. Enjoy, and I'll be seeing you again from sunny LA!

Countdown to Christmas: 7 days!

[One week left until Christmas and I couldn't be happier that it's almost here. I can't wait to be surrounded by the people who love and care unconditionally and make this life worth all the hardships.]

With one week left until the big day, I first have a couple happy things to say that hold lots of Christmas miracles and joy.

First, happy holidays to all gays and lesbians who can now openly serve in the United States military! What a seriously happy step forward for this country. The repeal of DADT could not have come at a more perfect time. The holidays are about togetherness, and this is a HUGE step toward unifying this country. It's a Christmas miracle and I'm thrilled :)

Second, usually at this time each year I am filled with anxiety about how my grades for the semester turned out, but this year I can officially, on the record say that I got the best GPA of my college career! I'm probably more excited about it than I should be, but I worked really hard this semester and I'm really happy about it. It's going to make the long break that much more rewarding and happy.

Onto some Holiday cheer! Some of my favorite Christmas lyrics of the season:

Countdown to Christmas: 11 days!

(Although this 70 degree weather in Colorado doesn't feel very Christmasey!)

I found this little Christmas gem hiding deep within the many folders of pictures on my computer and thought it only appropriate to bust it out for the holidays! It's our family Christmas picture circa 1992? We tried to get a good picture for HOURS (literally) but my brother kept crying, causing my sister to get frustrated, and I was the only one smiling for every single shot. So go figure that as soon as I decide to freak out, everyone else looks normal. This is definitely one for the scrapbooks!

(Best Christmas card ever? Or "awkward family photos" worthy? You decide.)

Countdown to Christmas: 13 days!

As I mentioned my hatred for this time of school year in my last post, today I will talk about my LOVE for this time of year as well. I'm not completely finished with finals yet, but I got my 2 hardest out of the way yesterday and made it through with much more pride in myself than I thought imaginable. I can now say I am proud of the amount of work I put into this semester and can leave it all behind with no regrets. One and a half more papers and one test to go and it's nothing but Christmas festivities ahead of me.

(To everyone taking finals right now, good luck, and remember that as soon as this week is over you can breathe a huge sigh of relief and enjoy every second of the long break ahead!)

And now for some Christmas cheer.... a classic.

Countdown to Christmas: 18 days

Today I need the Christmas countdown more than ever. This time of the season is all happiness leading up to the holidays, but this time of school year is nothing but stress, exams, papers, and projects. I must say, there are only a few things keeping me sane right now, and this countdown/having something to look forward to is one of them.

But, trying to stay positive and happy in lieu of a meltdown, so tonight I give you a Christmas favorite courtesy of Saturday Night Live. Enjoy!

Countdown to Christmas: 20 days!

(or are we down to the teens??)

One random thing I adore about the holidays is seasonal drinks! Pumpkin spice lattes, hot apple cider, egg nog (!!!), all delicious drinks you can only enjoy this time of year. When Starbucks busts out their red cups each year I get so giddy and just want to get coffee there all day everyday. I suppose this time of year I start to really notice and appreciate all the little things because you can only enjoy them for so long. I love the hope and happiness the Christmas season brings and I love how such little things like a red paper cup can make my day. I'm in a good place.

Countdown to Christmas: 24 days!

(24? 23? Losing track here!)

Christmas music in general is just a happy thing. But when you combine it with one of my favorite bands ever, you absolutely can't go wrong. Usually I don't like when artists try to write their own Christmas songs because for the most part they don't work and it's much better to stick to the millions of traditional holiday tunes, however this song "Christmas Lights" by Coldplay is basically my new favorite thing ever. It doesn't even necessarily have to be a holiday song, just because it has the word "Christmas" in it, because it's about more than that. Just like everything they write, it has this incredible depth. I swear to God, they get me every time. Every single time! I'll be listening to this song year round.

Countdown to Christmas: 25 days!

(But only 24 if you count today as over!)

It's the first of December which means Christmas month has begun! I put up my Charlie Brown Christmas tree today, courtesy of my Aunt Glenna who sent me this awesome decoration last year. It fits in perfectly with my rinky-dink little apartment. Since my family isn't putting up a tree this year (MAJOR sad face) this little one is all I've got to keep the spirit alive! I suppose my life is actually on the verge of turning into the Charlie Brown Christmas special.

Also (this one's for you, Emily!) it's the first day of Hanukkah, so Happy Hanukkah to all my Jewish friends!

Countdown to Christmas: 26 days!

It's the last day of November, which means Christmas month officially starts tomorrow!

One of my favorite things about winter is snowboarding. I don't usually get to go as much as I'd like but when I do go, it's awesome (I meant to do this post a couple days ago because I went with my family to Winterpark on Saturday, and we had a blast). Now, being from southern California, I don't really like cold weather, but something about being in the mountains when it's cold and snowing just feels right.

Happy winter!

Coutndown to Christmas: 29 days

I really enjoyed doing my little Thanksgiving segment, so I think I'm going to try another until Christmas (might not be everyday though: finals, traveling...you get my drift). I'm thinking about just posting fun Holiday/winter/seasonal things each day while the countdown rolls on.

Today? CHRISTMAS MUSIC. It's finally that day of the year where it is acceptable to play Christmas music without people getting annoyed or shooting you weird looks (well, they still might get annoyed, but they aren't allowed to say anything about it starting the day after Thanksgiving). You only get about one month out of every year to listen to it so you gotta enjoy it while it lasts!

My mom and I made 7 CD's worth of Christmas music for the holidays and I have too many favorites to list. But side note: I love classical choral Christmas music. I think it's so beautiful and I grew up singing it and listening to it so I really appreciate it. Moving on though...

Probably my favorite Christmas song ever is "Christmas Time is Here" by Vince Guaraldi Trio, you know, from A Charlie Brown Christmas. It's so beautiful and just the epitome of the Holidays to me (plus this movie is just the greatest). Enjoy.

I am thankful: 15

Today is Thanksgiving, and I have so many things to be thankful for. Most importantly today, the people I love. I am thankful everyday for my family and friends who support me and travel with me through this crazy life. It's important to stop and acknowledge everything there is to be thankful for, and I have so much.

So, dearest loved ones, I leave you with this Thanksgiving message:

[Happy Thanksgiving]

I am thankful: 14

Today, on this Thanksgiving eve, I am thankful for music. So much music. Life is better with music. It gets me through good times, bad times, hard times, fun times. It jogs memories and creates memories. I'm thankful for music that moves my soul or speaks to me on the deepest level. For music that makes me want to dance or sing at the top of my lungs. The music that inspires me to write or the music that makes me want to share with everyone I know. I'm thankful that it has been such a passion in my life since an early age and that I can appreciate all different kinds.

Life would be nothing without it.

[Because these kids are incredible and SO inspiring with their passion for music]

I am thankful: 13

Today I am thankful for my freedoms. For the fact that I can say what I want, dress how I want, love who I choose, express myself the way I like, and be who I choose to be. I am thankful that I live in a place where I have the opportunity to study at the collegiate level, speak my mind, vote, and have a voice in society. I am free to be who I am and do what I want and make my own decisions. These freedoms are too often taken for granted, but I appreciate them and am thankful everyday that I have these rights.

I am thankful: 12

Today I am thankful for Brianna Swain. I miss her very much every day. I am thankful that she was a part of my life, and I a part of hers. She has taught me so much about life, in ways she'll never know. She taught me to be grateful and to have no regrets. To live life to the fullest, cherish my relationships, and to appreciate time and memories with people you care about. I'm thankful for the relationship we had, even with the ups and downs.

I miss you.

I am thankful: 11

Today I am thankful for YOU, readers. It makes me so happy to know that people take the time to look at my blog and keep up with it. I appreciate YOU, for making me feel special and for supporting me with something I love and am passionate about. You'll never know how much it means.

xoxo

I am thankful: 10

Today I am thankful for my babies. I know it's cliche and whatever, but I just love my animals so freakin' much. Whenever I come home I feel so welcome by them, like they just missed me so much. I love when my dog goes crazy and starts running around the house with excitement, and when my cats start following me around, tripping me and trying to sneak into my bedroom. I love when they unsuccessfully try to wake me up in the morning and when they fail, wait for me outside my door until I emerge. I love that Mooney sits on my dogs head and when Weasley won't ever stop meowing (ok, I don't really like that but I still like him). I just feel loved by them which makes me happy.

[Cheyanne - so much personality]

[Mr. Weasley - mouth open and running, as usual]

[Mooney - cuddling and being precious]

I am thankful: 8 & 9

(Since I didn't get a chance to do a post yesterday, I have double the thankfulness for today)

Today I am thankful for the end of rhetoric tests and Thanksgiving break. It's been a long week but it has finally come to an end and I couldn't be more happy to finally have a week off. Harry Potter and sleep, HERE I COME!

I am thankful: 7

Today I am thankful for the little things that make me laugh, smile, or just get through the day. Silly youtube videos, a comment that is 10x funnier than it should be, discovering a new favorite song, or a random text from a dear old friend. These are the things that make the hard times a little more bearable and make a difference in my day.

I am thankful: 6

Today I am thankful for my fish, Babyyy who passed away today. She was a great pet and friend to me. She was strong and made it through an 8 hour car ride home from Kansas in a water bottle in my cup holder. This little fish brought me joy when I was lonely and she endured a lot. I will miss her, but I'm thankful I got to have her as my pet for 2 and a half years.

I am thankful: 5

Today I am thankful for having things to look forward to. Right now, in this very moment, I have a lot of positive and happy things ahead of me. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (part 1) premiers on Thursday night at midnight, followed by Thanksgiving break beginning on Friday. After that there's only 2 weeks left in the semester, including finals, and then winter break which includes snowboarding and Christmas in California with my family. Such happy things in the near future make it easier to get through this next week of Rhetoric tests.

I am thankful: 4

Today I am thankful for my little ninos. They have brought so much happiness and laughter into my life and it has been such a joy being able to watch them during the past two summers, and be the person they look forward to spending the day with. They have inspired me to be creative and taught me that love is unconditional. Even when I'm having a rough day, they still love me for the little things, and I love them too. They are so special to me.

[Andrew & Connor]

I am thankful: 3

Today I am thankful for my education. I love being a college student and having the opportunity to go to school and study what I love. The experiences I've had in college have taught me so much about myself: most of all, have no regrets. It's been a crazy, non-traditional, wild ride for me so far, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

[Made by...ME!]

I am thankful: 2

Today I am thankful for my friends. The people who are always there for me, make me laugh, love me, and stick with me through the good and bad. I love you.

[Lindsey, Cory, Jill]

[Ryan]

[Erin & Taylor]

[Katie]

[Krista, Alyssa, Brittany]

[Amburli & Larissa]

(This list is not exhaustive, so to those friends not pictured: I love you, too. Know that.)

I am thankful

For the rest of November I am going to post something I am thankful for every single day. I realize I should have started this at the beginning of the month, but better late than never, right?

Today I am thankful for my family. They support me through so much and without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. They inspire me, love me, and are always there for me. I truly appreciate them more and more everyday. Even though I (sadly) don't have pictures of all my family members, I love them dearly.

[Sister, Dad, Mom, Brother, Me]

[Silly Family]

[Cousin's Sara and Chad]

[Aunt Glenna]

[Uncles Paul and Prescott]

VOLCANIC ASH (and the LA Derby Dolls)

My sister is "Fresh Meat" for the LA Derby Dolls! She is a hardcore roller derby chick and I'm so proud/impressed/excited for her! Her first Baby Doll Brawl is coming up on November 14th and here is the awesome promo for the event (she's the blondie named "Volcanic Ash"). I've got a pretty rad sister.

Update from a busy girl.

So many, many things happening around me, I don't even know where to begin! All I know is that in this moment, I'm very content.

1. I just got home last night from a weekend in Lawrence, KS where I was able to catch up with a few of my old friends/roommates. It was a much needed visit because it had been so long, so it was really nice!

2. The election was last week which is always a stressful time for me. I get really into it and invest a lot of my time, energy, and emotions into politics. My faith in the humanity of Colorado citizens was almost shaken, but thankfully they (by an extremely slim and discomforting margin) did not disappoint. And as a side note, I find it hilarious that the Republican party thinks they sent out this huge message...they may have taken the house (which happens EVERY TIME the opposite party is in the white house so no surprise OR giant win there) but they didn't take the senate thanks to their tea-party candidates. So thanks for being so extreme, it helps the democratic party a bunch :)

3. Today was an absolutely perfect day. Weather-wise anyway. It was just perfectly Fall. Warm but breezy, leaves everywhere. It was amazing. I wish I could have bottled it because it was just so peaceful and pretty and perfect (wish I had a picture of it). Tomorrow, however, it's supposed to snow which I am not looking forward to much. Time to get my freeze on.

4. Thanksgiving break is right around the corner and I can't wait for it. At KU we had a Fall break AND a thanksgiving break. I must say, it's a lot harder to wait just a couple more weeks for a few days off than it seems. I'm really looking forward to it.

I leave you with a quote:
"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right." -George W. Bush

Good night.

Quote of the Week

"We must get over wanting to be needed - this is the hardest of all temptations to resist."

-C. S. Lewis

(Special thanks to my good friend, Anna for tweeting this one)

Sweet Seattle

I went to Seattle this past weekend with my family for my brother's first "Family Weekend" as a college freshman. It was my first time there and I absolutely loved it! It rained the whole weekend (which I didn't mind because I love rain) and it was really beautiful there.



We did a lot of really cool things over the weekend. We saw my brother's campus, went down to Pike Market where we saw the original Starbucks, went into the city and got SUPER close to the Space Needle - my sister and I really wanted to go up and see the view from the city but we ended up going to a Harry Potter exhibit instead (which, sadly, was not worth it), and we ate the BEST food.






One thing I was obsessed with while we were there was how progressive everything was. We walked by this beautiful church with a banner out front that said "You are welcome here, come as you are" which I thought was incredible. That is how churches should be, and I have never witnessed one like that before so it was a really awesome experience.



Overall it was a really nice weekend with my family, experiencing a new city and spending time with them. I will most definitely be going back.

Got me thinking.

It's been a weird couple of weeks for me. Much more school work than I've ever had to do in my college career, plus lots of tests and other things on the side that all had a deadline. So it's been kind of rough, and I'm definitely looking forward to the breaks ahead.

Today is Ryan's 22nd birthday. So happy birthday, bean. I hope you liked your cupcakes and your cute little baby bottle of Sky.

On Friday I will head to Seattle with my mom, dad, and sister to visit my brother for his first family weekend of college. I'm really looking forward to the weekend because for one, I've never been to Seattle, two, I miss Connor and Ashley dearly and it's not very often we have all 5 of us together, and three, I really need a little getaway.

I have a task that needs to be done in the next couple weeks. I'm supposed to do 3 things that are just for me and sadly enough, I can't think of anything I do that's just for me other than my blog. My blog is the only thing right now that is just mine and that makes me happy without having to think about all the other outside factors that shape or complicate my life (which tends to be a lot). It's kind of a sad thought. I really need to figure out something that I can do for myself - I need to focus on me. I need focus on loving myself and treating myself better. I'm not sure where to start or how to get there but it's time to tune into Chelsea and stop worrying about everything else.

Anyways, that's all for now. Hopefully I'll return with some cool pictures from my weekend in Seattle and some self-help ideas. Goodnight.

New look?

I thought it was time for a change.

Just breathe.

I don't even know how long it's been since I posted. All I know is that I haven't had a second to myself for the last like, 2 weeks and so I'm forcing myself to take one right now.

I've had test after test after test along with papers and homework and a recent phone mishap
that's had my anxiety at dangerous levels. Don't even THINK about calling me, it wont work.

At this second I feel like I could use a good hug. I need one. I can't even remember the last time I hugged someone. And that thought makes me feel lonely. I miss my family and my loud ass cats and my dog and I just realized I haven't fed my fish in like a week.

I need sleep. I need friends. I need to ace this 2 part test I've been busting my ass on all week and I need some frickin' help. Sometimes you just can't do everything by yourself.

I need to remember to breathe. Just breathe and keep moving forward.

A quick note for a good friend

I just discovered that my beautiful friend, Hannah has a blog! This makes me so happy! Right now she is teaching at a school in Guatemala and I am so excited to read all of her updates and keep up with her wonderful adventure.

She inspires me to be a better person and to be more positive, even during the rough times, so I know her blog will bring that to me everyday.

I love you, Hannah! So happy to be blogging-buddies now!

Check out her blog HERE!

Crazy Life, Lately

I've been slacking on the updates lately! Mostly because of how insanely busy I have been in the last couple of weeks. Just started midterms on Monday, have 2 more next week, one *hard* one the following week, my friend Erin's birthday in between that, AND I just got hit with another job from my "boss" that she needs done in 2 weeks.

In short, I might not be able to blog as frequently as I'd like until my life gets a little less crazy.

On another note (and adding to my craziness), I'm about to start another blog about Feminism. But I'm thinking this one will be anonymous. If I post a link to it on here it will be a one time only thing, otherwise I'll only tell family and close friends that it's me. The reason for this is because I have a lot to say on the subject, but lots of people I know are involved in what I'll be talking about and I wouldn't want to offend anyone.

Anyway, that's about all I have to say/all I have time for today. Happy crazy Wednesday!

Feelings of the Night.

Hmm... I just did one of these didn't I? Oh well. It's a new night, here's another.

I got my tragus pierced on Tuesday. I've wanted to get it done for a long time but never had the money or the guts, but I finally just coughed it up and went for it. It wasn't too painful, but I can definitely still feel it.

It's finally, officially Fall. I love it. I bet it will start snowing literally any day now because that's just the way this place works. So, I'm soaking it up while I can.

Fall TV is back and it's already consuming me. I have so many shows that I can't keep up! Let's see: Grey's Anatomy (finally all caught up and ready to watch the new season as it happens), Dancing with the Stars (Derek and Jennifer for the WIN! And Kyle Massey.. kid is a hoot!), Modern Family (ohh how I've missed the belly laughs), GLEE!!! (need I say more?), 30 Rock (finally, I neeeeed my Tina Fey fix), The Biggest Loser (for my emotional, inspirational, you-can-do-anything side), and The Office (maybe. It's gone way down hill lately).

Aside from Fall TV, basically all my midterms start next week. I'm going to be spending the weekend studying and trying really hard to retain tons of information. Not my strongest skill, but I'm working on it.

Anyways, haven't blogged in about a week because I've been waiting for something good to hit me but it turns out, it hasn't yet. So this is a post for the sake of posting. Had to dust the cobwebs off my page and hope some inspiration hits me soon.

Happy Fall and weekend beginning!

A Goodbye and A Hello

A Goodbye:

My brother leaves for Seattle tomorrow. I'm happy for him but so sad I won't be seeing him much in the near future. I hope he is so happy there and enjoys every second of his new journey and life adventure. I love you, Connor!

A Hello:

I booked a flight to Kansas! I am really excited to visit! It will be the first time I have been back since I left, so it will be really great to see my girlfriends and play around. I miss everyone in Lawrence dearly and can't wait to arrive!

Feelings Of The Night.

I said goodbye to my brother, Connor today. He leaves for Seattle on Friday to start his new life and I am going to miss him so much. I didn't really notice how much things changed when I went off to school because I knew that everyone and everything was waiting for me at home. But now, things are going to be different. His school is on the quarter system so we'll have different breaks and I will hardly get to see him during the year anymore.


Although I am going to miss him like crazy, I know right now he has the whole world in his hands and he has the opportunity and potential to turn his life into whatever he dreams of. He is going to be so happy in Seattle, meet all new people, drink lots of Starbucks, and start a new chapter in his life. I'm proud of him and happy for him, but I already miss him.

A few things to start off the weekend:

Happy Friday! I love a good start to the weekend.

1. Here's a follow up from my last post about my cousin, Sara. From what I can tell, everyone has been raving about her successful first night in Phantom and she is the toast of Broadway! Here's a page I found with pictures of her premier... she looks fantastic! What a happy night that must have been. Oh, and one more thing, I found this list of the "Top Ten Best Christine's" in Phantom of the Opera, and my cousin is number 3!!!!!!! Incredible! Lot's of links but check them out!

2. I am basically a pro at html now. Kidding, but seriously. I feel like I am learning so much right now in my classes and it's definitely reassuring me that I am in the right major and area of focus. I am LOVING the Technology, Arts, and Media program and everything I'm learning will be so useful when I'm managing blogs and websites for a career (..maybe? hopefully? a social media expert??) So, check out my update to my html page.

3. My brother is coming up to Boulder this weekend to visit me before he heads off to school in Seattle! This is the last time I will see him until Thanksgiving, so it'll be nice to have him. Check out his blog HERE. He doesn't update often because he claims no one reads it, so let's all give him a bit of encouragement and get him to blog more often!

4. It's basically Fall now and I am loving it. It's so perfect when it's still kind of warm but the breeze is cooler and leaves start falling. I guess I'd better soak it up because fall doesn't last long out here, and knowing Colorado, I bet the snow will start to fall within the next month :(

Happy Friday again, dear ones! Enjoy the beautiful weekend!

Sara Jean Ford (My cousin, the Star!)

My cousin, Sara is making her Broadway debut tonight as the LEAD in

The Phantom of the Opera!

This is a HUGE deal and I am so happy and proud of her!
I saw her as Christine in Phantom when she was in the touring show
and it was the most incredible show I have ever seen.
Sara was born to play Christine and now she is officially a Broadway STAR!

She is such a huge influence in my life and I look up to her in so many ways. She deserves this role and I am so happy for her. I hope I'll be able to make it out to New York in the near future to see her name in lights!

I love you, Cous! Break a leg tonight!


Also, click HERE to listen to the Angel of Music!

The stats are in, and a thanks are in order!

I just discovered the "Stats" button on here that tracks how many people look at your blog, which posts are the most popular, and where people are looking from. It made me super happy to know that even though I don't have a *ton* of followers, I actually have quite a few people who look at my blog!

I learned that a lot of people look at it through posts on twitter, and even more people look at it through google (which is pretty freaking rad, I must say). The most popular search that comes up is Brianna Swain, who I write about all the time, and secondly is my name. Interesting!

This might seem like a pointless post, but to me it's really exciting. It makes me happy knowing people actually look in this little corner of the internet - and not just in the US! So thank you, to anyone who may be reading this. It means more to me than you know. This blog is my baby and I'm happy to be able to reach even a few people with my words.

xoxo

Tumblr, anyone?

I've been seeing a lot of people posting things off Tumblr lately and so tonight I decided to join it on a whim and see what it's all about. I don't really know how it works but I'm learning and figuring it out. So, if you have one... Follow me there? http://thechelseamarie.tumblr.com/ (my usual name was already taken...boo.) Maybe I'll like it as much as I like this one?

The other thing I discovered yesterday that I wanted to share is a site called "43 Things." You join and make a list of things you want to do or accomplish in your life and check them off as you go. I actually think it's a great idea to have one and make a list of all the things you want out of life because it's short, you know? Time to focus on what matters and get everything you want out of it while you have the time.

Brianna Swain: One Year.

Dear Brianna,

I miss you. It's hard to believe it has already been a year since I wrote you THIS letter. A whole year. I keep replaying those words and wondering where that time went because it still feels like yesterday when you left us. I still feel shocked, I still feel denial, and I'm still grieving.

Today as I was walking to my afternoon class I started to cry because this day, a whole year after your death, I felt the exact same as I felt on the day you left us. It was beautiful outside, the sun was shining so bright, the same exact way it shone a year ago. That kind of sunlight reminds me of YOU. And I could just feel you everywhere.

I miss you. I miss taking you for ice cream after school when we both had a bad day. I miss seeing you in the halls at school and hoping you needed a ride home so I could make sure you got there safe. I miss threatening to beat down anyone who wronged you. I miss jamming out to techno music in my car in the parking lot of Ponderosa, and reassuring you that everything was going to be OK when things were tough. I miss randomly getting myspace comments from you and secretly checking up on you (literally almost every day). I miss being the person you could go to for help because you knew no matter what it was, I would get you through it if you asked. I miss your beautiful, happy smile.

I hope you know that even the little things I miss had a huge impact in my life. You meant more to me than even I knew, and even a year after your death, I am still hoping you know all the things I wish I could tell you. There is not a single day that goes by that I don't wish like hell that so many things could be different. I don't want to accept that this is the way things are because I miss you so incredibly much.

I wish I had more than myspace comments to keep me going. But today it was put in perspective for me for the first time: that was just our relationship. Much more sisters than anything else, so at the time there was no need for yearbook signatures and pictures together. Of course now I hate that I don't have those things, but I understand why.

You are beautiful, Brianna. Inside and out. You were never scared to try new things or put yourself out there and I admired that so much. You had a special spark that touched so many people. We started out rough, but I am so lucky to have been able to have that special relationship with you. You changed my life forever and you didn't even know it. But I hope you do now.

I love you, Brianna. Keep shining down on us. I still need you in my life.